Season 2 Trailer | Introducing the Daft Monks
Edited audio transcript

Edited from an automatic transcription of the original recording. Strong language is masked; selected personal asides and adult material are marked [Editorial omission.]. Transcription errors may remain, especially in names and lyrics. Timestamps come from the source; paragraphs split for readability can share a timestamp. The original recording contains adult language and themes. Announcements and offers reflect the recording date.
Source: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1880667/episodes/9976867-season-2-trailer-introducing-the-daft-monks.mp3

[0:01] The darkness is approaching yet again. The vampires have outnumbered us four to one, and our odds are not in our favor. It seems as if all hope is lost.

[0:18] I wouldn't quite say lost, as probably misplaced, or something along those lines. But either way, fear not, for Van Helsing and Belmont are here to save you.

[0:36] What can you expect from an episode of Daft Monks? How about dramatic storytelling?

[0:41] Like the backdrop fades out, and then it's just her and it's just all black behind her, and there's like [expletive] uh music going on in the background, and it's just panning in on her face. Exactly. It might pan over one time to see a Native American with a tear rolling down the cheek, like that old commercial, you know, where they're littering, and then it goes right back to Greta, and then like she's mad. You see the fire in her eyes. Heartwarming stories. So Corbin is trying to be like loving brother, and like puts his arm around Roscoe and Santa smacks his hand and like to put it down. Yeah, I'm like, what the [expletive]? Like, what about social distancing, you [expletive] in a red suit?

[1:21] Insightful tabletop gaming news and debates.

[1:24] Like, who's that much of a rules lawyer that they're like, oh, sorry, you have to be lawful good, and tieflings have to be chaotic evil. Yeah, like that's the only way they can go about it because of their demon blood. Like, shut the [expletive] up, dude. Like, that's so boring.

[1:39] And of course, quality and professional role-playing. You fight with a crossbow, my friend. I lost it. It cuts to like a playground and it's like in like the the set like the ball pit.

[1:53] Like, mommy, look at this. Timmy, no. Now recorded remotely. But I'm gonna miss that in person, you know? Yeah. Just sitting there zoning out. Yeah, watching you just rant on and on, and I'm just thinking to myself, man, I gotta I gotta spice this up.

[2:11] But seriously, one half variety show, one half role playing campaign, Daft Monks is just a modern pop culture podcast produced by me and Nate for gamers and sadists alike. Join us every Friday for funny anecdotes, useless trivia, the latest installments of our real play Dungeons and Dragons adventure, and more. Season two features everyone's favorite deviants, the notorious Abraham Van Helsing and Trevor Belmont.