Make My Date

From 0:00

0:00Just so you know, Daft Monks is half talk show, half actual play campaign that features adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised. On this episode of Nat One Presents. Nobody thinks about the janitors, you know. Poor janitors, man. That reminds me at work, I call the janitor janitor all the time.

0:17And I don't think he likes it because he's not really a janitor. You were just saying the poor janitors, and then you're basically telling me you bully your janitor? Where are you? Like, where do you stand?

0:27I don't know. I'm a mixed bag right now.

0:31Adventure. Hot warming stories. Role-playing that could only be seen by the gods. Here at Nat One Presents, you get all that and more. Now join us as we start another epic tale of content.

0:48Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop culture icons and ruins them with improve.

0:58Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents, the podcast.

1:02The final episode. Dun dun dun of 2021, whatever. Do you do you remember that joke in school where they're like, no more homework for the rest of the year? And then like some of the dumb kids would be like, and then be like, oh, because next year we get homework.

1:17Yeah, I do remember that. And that also reminds me of the scene in every high school movie ever where they're like, school's over, let's throw away all of our books and just throw papers and like what about the poor [expletive] janitor, man? He's like, oh, school's over again. Like, looks like I'm gonna clean up all these papers and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of books you guys just all ripped up. We're gonna have to buy again next year. Nobody thinks about this kind of stuff, Nate. Nobody thinks about the janitors, yeah. Poor janitors, man. That reminds me at work, I call the janitor janitor all the time. And I don't think he likes it because he's not really a janitor.

1:47He was just saying the poor janitors, and then you're basically telling me you bully your janitor? Where are you? Like, where do you stand?

1:54I don't know. I'm a mixed bag right now because I think it's hilarious.

1:58So he's not a janitor, like he's uh he's a um uh facility maintenance technician, I think is his.

2:04He fixes things, he doesn't clean. Right.

2:06Got it. But I'll call him janitor, and then I'll tell him, like, hey man, toilet's clogged at a TP. Do you say that every time? Like pretty much, yeah. I'll be like, hey janitor, and then everybody else will be like, Why'd you call him janitor? I'll be like, he's not a janitor.

2:21And then you wonder why HR like knows your name.

2:23Like, yeah, you know, maybe I should stop wondering about that.

2:27That's the conclusion, right? Yes, exactly.

2:30That's what I've come down to.

2:31Well, I was gonna go on a story before that. Uh very interesting janitor rant. Um I don't know how interesting it was, but my friend from high school and I, we have this joke about uh we were in eighth grade math class and the Christmas packet. Uh we were assigned basically homework over the new year. It was like 20 pages of like math problems and stuff, uh, just dubbed the Christmas packet. And uh back in the day I did not do most of my homework in general. And I like was so chill of a student that I could either weasel my way out of it or I just, you know, even back then I knew like this is what I need to pass, and you won't get much more.

2:31But anyway, so we come back from Christmas break, everybody hands in their Christmas packet except me. And uh the teacher's name was Miss Ramisby. Um and she'd be like, Well, I'm not letting you off that easy, like you [expletive] donkey. Uh not quite, though that I guess would have made the story a lot more interesting. No, she she thought she got me, so she's like, Yeah, well, it's now it's due Monday. I was like, Okay, Monday came, and I'm like, Yeah, I didn't do it again. And this became like, she asked every week for like a couple months. And I it I guess it became like a joke with her, but I could tell she was irked. She'd be like, Nada, Christmas packet, and be like, Nope, didn't get to it. Maybe next week, Mr.

2:31Rustby. And it's just like my friends to this day, they'd be like, Yeah, the Christmas packet. And they'll just like send me a text, it's like in all caps. Um, and uh yeah, I never I never did it. Um, I think I actually at the very end I handed it in, but just wrote like numbers on it. Oh like and not even like numbers that looked like real numbers, I just put letters and numbers enough to like the day that like she took it, and then I think she realized later that I'm sure it was garbage, and then probably the school year ended by that point. Um, I mean I still passed. That was that was stupid. It was like eighth grade algebra.

2:31I think I got like a 97 on the midterm, and I'm just like, I don't need this class. Oh dang.

4:18I wish I was that lucky with math class.

4:21Uh, I was good at math until freaking what I get. Uh when I got to pre-calc, I [expletive] the bet on math. Like I totally stopped understanding anything they were saying. I went from like I was diesel, like algebra, algebra two, all that jazz. We get to pre-calc, and they might have been speaking another like language name. I had no clue. I kind of blame the teacher. Maybe I don't know if that's just like what you do when you're a kid, but like I think that teacher was [expletive]. And I'm just like, how do I suddenly not understand anything? And it was when that was the class when we started using graphing calculators, and everything just became like for me, I have to understand in math, like why you're doing something.

4:21Like, if this is the equation, why are you doing that equation? Like, that's very important to me in math.

From 5:00

5:00Well, like a scientific process for it, like to be a reason for doing this.

5:03Like, I don't necessarily need to know all the specifics of like, well, what this you know, what this equation does, but like you're doing this to solve this because you don't have this number, like that kind of thing. I need I need a certain amount. And what that class just became was, and this is how you put this in a calculator, and this is how you put this in a calculator. And like, I'm like, but I don't know why I'm putting in a calculator, so I don't even know what to put in the calculator. Like, so it just down over from there. And then basically I was [expletive] in math for like the rest of the year. Like, I got put in that with the CP kids, like, holy [expletive].

5:03Like, I should have just showed up with an abacus and been like, this is what I'm using.

5:33You teach me how I can use this.

5:34I mean, that would have been way too high speed for the CP kids. It was it was rough. Like, my whole thing was like getting honors, but I'm not really that smart, and I just slacked. Oh, yeah. But like, at least honors was like a peaceful, like stress-free environment. Like, people weren't throwing gum at me and [expletive], but in CP classes, you had like the behavioral kids like losing their minds and people like hitting each other and stuff, and I'm like, I don't want to be here, like, I'm uncomfortable. Like, I need to get back in honors just so I can feel safe.

5:59Oh, yeah. I never understood why honors did less work than the regular classes. That's [expletive] line.

6:05It didn't make any sense to me because they had to keep the kids busy or they'd hit them.

6:07Right. Like the teachers that literally be busy. Because I remember because I always had I was like the opposite. I always had honors English classes, was my big thing. I loved English. And for my final, for honors English senior year, I did a presentation on jujitsu. Explain that to me, Nate. It made no sense at all. Got an A on it. 97%. I got in that class. You know, I did an arm bar on someone in the class.

6:30I haven't told a lot of people this story, but so we had something called capstone in our school, which is basically like senior year, you had to like solve a problem and it went multiple semesters. You did you tackle like a big problem and you'd write like a thesis on it, and then you'd go on to solve it, and then like to and people would do like bigger things, like you know, like maybe like how to like solve social, like our like the climate change or whatever, you know, like things, you know, bigger, you know, bigger topics. Not maybe not that big, but you you get the idea.

6:30Um, but basically I I did how how we could like what it would cost and how we could go about implementing like a broadcast, like a school news channel. Um, did not do any of the assignment, did not do any of the work, made up every time there was a deadline, I just made up something that worked, somehow got to the presentation, and my famous line with my friends is they asked about how much everything would cost, and my line was about a thousand. To this day, my friend still says about a thousand when I like ask for like numbers and stuff. And uh long story short, I had the best.

6:30I think I was tied, I think two people grade-wise, two people tied for the best presentation in that like group of judges because teachers would like judge your presentation. It was very it was a graduation requirement. Rhode Island was like changing all of their like laws, and you had to like through the course of the year, like check things off. Yeah, Chris knows what I'm talking about. You had to like check off things that were related to skills, like I know how to do research, and you had to do a research project that like passed, and then you could check off that thing, and you had to have all these skills, and so capstone was like somewhere in that anyway. Total joke, made everything up.

6:30I basically just like was like, Oh, we can use the software and uh we can use the desktop computers bad a thousand, and they were like you're like doing that thing where you're darting your eyes around the room, you're like P, here, Griffin. It was such [expletive], it was such [expletive]. I I did so much, like, yeah, it was total garbage, and uh yeah, I don't know, like really to say there, but um No, it makes perfect sense because I think that's the the better off you are, the just the easier the road [expletive] is.

8:27Yeah.

8:28Well, yeah, and that's a good point. Like, I feel like the CP kids would have been like, where did you get that research? Where do you whatever? But like as an honor student, it was just kind of trusted that I like they're just like, yes, Reginald.

8:38Quite fancy of you.

8:40Pedantic and Shalom, yes.

8:43Is this not the smoking lounge? Yes.

8:47Anywho, I can't wait to go through that with my own children and I'm sure. I'm gonna see right through their [expletive]. Yeah. Be like, no, you don't know what you're doing. Make it right, Corvin. I mean, I can already see Corvin honors classes, um, and what uh the other kid, CP.

9:03Yeah, Roscoe. Roscoe, yeah. Yeah, totally.

9:05He's gonna get in fights. No, I think he's gonna be real popular.

9:08You think so?

9:09What was that line you said where he like came over and made fun of Corvin with like the tooth fairy stuff?

9:13Oh, yeah, because I pulled out uh Corvin's tooth the other day, and it was a mess. It took 40 minutes to get this tooth out because of Corvin fighting it, and Corvin's crying, and there's blood everywhere. And after all this commotion, first of all, while all this is going on, I look over and Roscoe's just eating ravioli. He's just watching and just eating ravioli. Oh yeah. And I'm like, dang, man, this kid's cold-blooded. You know? And then, like, five more minutes of me fighting, I look back over, he's reaching his little [expletive] fork across the table to my ravioli that I haven't even got to yet. And he's looking me dead in the eyes. He stabs a ravioli, heh, heh, and then [expletive] eats it. He ate all my ravioli.

9:13A grown man-sized portion of ravioli, he ate it all. So then now we get to the end of the story. I finally get the [expletive] tooth out. I'm holding it out, cleaning it off because Megan keeps them for whatever tooth fairy [expletive], whatever. But he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy. I know.

From 10:00

10:08Is she just making like a weird creepy doll thing?

10:11She's got a weird little box filled with teeth. I love morbid [expletive], but there's a box filled with teeth in my room. Now, I got the tooth out, I'm drying it out, and Roscoe walks by super casually, and Corvin still has tears running down his face, blood all over his mouth, points at the little tooth and says, Ha, baby tooth. And then just keeps going about his business.

10:32It's amazing. Yeah. And I couldn't write better like bullying. I couldn't script it better than that.

10:39And you gotta picture this because Roscoe never wears a shirt when he's inside the house. And for some reason, he has very muscular Greek god features. So he just looks like a [expletive] bully walking around. Like he's got the [expletive] he looks like the brother in um Stranger Things, the one with the mullet and the mustache.

10:56He looks like the brother from Stranger Things, and then he sounds like Nelson from [expletive] uh like ha ha baby teeth.

11:01Exactly what I'm saying, ha, baby teeth. And then just like went walking by with his [expletive] six pack and then went to go play with his trucks. Like, man, he's cold-blooded.

11:11He's your son.

11:12I love him. Alright, what are we doing today? Now, today, this was my idea. So bear with me. It's gonna be a lot of weird role-playing stuff. Now, I had an idea that we're gonna do a flashback for D-Hunters. So it's kind of D-Hunters, but not really. Now, flashback. I'm thinking Belmont's just talking. And he's like, hey, Van Helsing, remember when you were on that speed dating show? And then we flash back to a speed dating show starring Van Helsing. That's what I'm thinking. Got it.

11:46And hey, Van Helsing, do you remember that time you were at that speed dating festival in uh middle of nowhere?

11:53Oh, Belmont, my boy, I prefer not talk about that.

11:56Oh no, let's mind map it. The theater of the mind.

11:59No!

12:03Welcome to the the 16th century speed dating extravaganza!

12:17Yeah.

12:20It's a pleasure to be here, Jim. In this corner, the only male in a 30-mile radius. And then a bunch of women. We are very imbalanced this year. Ladies, eat your hearts out. Yes, eat something. So I'm gonna imagine, like, super like you hear like a lot of commotion, women are very upset. Maybe you say something to like, you know, calm them down.

12:44Now, now, ladies! It's a sad, tragic day that all of the men here in your village just so happened to be in the river the very moment my boat came speeding by. I'm very sorry that happened. Children crying in the front, please, please stop.

13:02I just imagine like the night before you like somehow like rigged it so that like all the like men went out to like the fish the river like to fish, and then you like caught their like stuff on nets and like dragged them into the ocean.

13:13I was like, yeah, army crawling out through like the weeds, and I was like, Oh my god, something's in the fishing nets again. Bring all of the male villagers out here immediately.

13:23Like you somehow orchestrated every male like person dying.

13:27Now it was a terrible event, and I'm sorry, but we need to move past that. Now, which one of you ladies are ready for mating?

13:36Um, and there's some silence, and then there's like a woman with like seven kids, and she's like, I do this for you, Ben. Yeah, and they start lining up, and uh yeah, they're gonna line up and uh they they draw from like an old bowler hat.

13:51It's gone the sorting hat. I hope no one gets huffled, Buff. Oh, sorry, I gotta break character right now. Have you seen the that show? Oh, the reunion thing there. No, no, it's the Harry Potter trivia show.

14:07Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I watched it. It's also like a reunion.

14:10Is it? It's like a team show.

14:12It's like a re yeah, it's teams, and they're also bringing some of the cast. Yeah, it's like a reunion.

14:16How did I not get on that [expletive] show, Nate? Because I watched the preview and I'm like, this thing's [expletive] [expletive], because number one, they're not even asking Harry Potter questions. It was like, hey, pay attention to this one, and then they do the whole scene where uh God [expletive] damn it. The werewolf guy, sorry, I'm spacing right now. But Harry and yes, Professor Lupin are talk [expletive] idiot. Lupin are talking, and then at the very end they're like, What was the number on the candle? What? Yeah, exactly. Because they panned around from the movie? Yes. And they panned around and so it's like [expletive] seen it. Yeah, like it's not even Harry Potter tribute, it's just seen it. It's oh yikes. That's why I had to break character.

14:16I'm sorry, I'm upset about it because I thought it was gonna be something better.

From 15:00

15:00Did you watch the whole thing? No, I saw one clip. I saw a commercial for it.

15:03I'm like, oh first of all, there's like a 90-year-old man on Hufflepuff, and I'm like, if ain't that [expletive] right. Yeah. Like, what's Slytherin gonna be? A bunch of like a bunch of vapors, like yeah, greased back hair [expletive] cracking their knuckles and [expletive]. Like, mmm, yes.

15:17Oh man. Um, no, didn't see it. Looked funny. Uh it looked ridiculous to me. I think I would have been very into this 15 years ago, maybe. Yeah, me too. Um cuts like seven audition tapes. You're like, why didn't I get on the show? And they specifically didn't want you on the show.

15:32Here I am again. That one presents.

15:35Anywho, um back to focusing. So uh they're each gonna draw like a conversation out from a hat and they're gonna just read it to you. I guess that's how this thing's gonna go. I don't know how speed dating went. I don't know if there was speed dating. I mean, there was speed dating, it was your parents assigned you a uh like someone you're marrying. Right. But since everyone's dead in the village, um, they're just gonna make conversation with you and then you're gonna select one like it's uh like a prize pig at the county fair. Yes, all of you look rather oinkly. Okay, so uh contestant number one.

16:04Oinker number one.

16:06How do your friends describe you in one word? Hmm, that's tough to use one word.

16:13I'm not a man of the body.

16:14From the background, you see like uh [expletive] Charm Verbonnie's like lazy, settlefish, pig headed.

16:20Yes, those are words, but none of those would describe me.

16:24Disease ridden. It's hyphenated.

16:26I would say charming. Rehandsome.

16:32Can you give an example?

16:33Yes, one time I charmed at least twelve women into believing me. I charmed them using a charm spell I had on a trinket. It was rather easy. As long as I didn't lie to them or try to make them do any bodily harm, then the spell would remain intact.

16:47So you manipulated women?

16:50Charmed! I'm sure. Next.

16:54Um go number two. What is your fantasy place to visit?

16:59Hmm, yes, I have been everywhere, but Dracula's castle is by far the greatest place I've ever been to. It is so nice that you wouldn't even understand.

17:09Belmont just like lean, he's in the audience, he just leans over and there's an audience for some reason at this thing. And he's like, it's definitely a fantasy because he's never been there before.

17:17Now, now calm down back up there. I hear you with my superior hearing skills.

17:21Now, I would have to say my bedroom for the answer.

17:27Do you but you're homeless? Pretty sure. Right now, but like, you know, I used to have one, I'm looking for another one. I'm gonna move in with whoever one of you ladies picks me as your husband, obviously.

17:38But you don't have like an estate?

17:40No.

17:44Alright, this is like a big barley chick, and she uh she's like, do not call me Anka.

17:49I like them thick. You look very warm in the winter.

17:52What famous person would you most like to have dinner with?

17:56Now, when you say famous, what does that mean to me? I'm the most famous person I know, besides that sniveling snot Belmont. Now famous person? Abraham Yes Van Helsing that means I'd like to put up a mirror and have dinner with myself. Thank you very much.

18:19She just rolls her eyes, gets out next to me.

18:21Oh, yes, lovely eyes.

18:24Um if you're an animal, I'm not even gonna do women's voice anymore. If you're an animal, what would you be?

18:30Now, a lot of people have compared me to a badger or a bear or even an eagle soaring in the sky, but I am neither of those. I compare myself to the majestic dolphin.

18:46That's aren't they kind of rapey? Yes. Next sometimes I do gay stuff too.

18:55Next question. What are you hiding now? Nothing about gay stuff. Right now, I'm hiding a mouse in my pocket. Really? Can I see? No, he's in training. He's not allowed to see anybody right now.

19:10I thought I was gonna leap out and like slash her now.

19:13Calm down. Uh she's wearing a lot of makeup, but she's no clown.

19:17Okay. Uh, next person. Um ridiculous. Do you like backpacking or luxurious travel?

19:26Now, I used to travel luxuriously through, you know, the Alps and other mountain ranges of various sorts. I love the mountains. Yes, with my posse, they would carry me in a wagon. You had a posse? I did have a posse. What happened to them? They were stolen from me. That's the what I'm picturing this time period in is when like we were split up a little bit. Okay. They were stolen from me by some no good for nothing other demon hunter, monster slayer of some sort.

19:56You hear like a girlish giggle from a grown man in the background and like a bunch of back there.

From 20:00

20:01These lights are too bright. You come down here and face me like a man. Oh, nobody. Yeah, that's what I thought. Now, you sound lovely though, so come take a question out of the hat.

20:12Sure, whatever. It's uh Belmont and Drag. Okay, perfect. Just for laughs. Do you work out? That's a silly question. Of course you don't.

20:23Hey!

20:24That was a very workout you get is tau cow tipping.

20:28Get this good for nothing out of here, even though he's cheese.

20:32Ladies, there are two men in this tournament.

20:34No!

20:35Line on up.

20:37Oh, it looks like we're going 50-50 on this then. What number are we at? Give this guy a microphone. Give this Joker a microphone. We're gonna have a speed dating competition. And you lovely ladies will pick me. I know it. But it's always good to have options.

20:52I imagine this is just like the uh Doom and Shroom episode where they're in a tent and it's like sealed shut. And I'm just tripping out, talking to my rats.

21:02Which of you lovely ladies will like a smootchum? Now, I'll ask a question, pulling out of the hat. You, Belmont, in drag, disgusting.

21:14Yes, I, Trevor Belmont, heir to the Belmont family of monster hunters, protector of the innocent, and keeper of the posse that I acquired from uh you.

21:22Are you a coffee or a tea person?

21:25It's a real [expletive] question. Ooh, that's a tough one. Well, I do like a good tea, but only if it's from a pot that uh has been used over and over again and not washed. Um, only specific herbs from the Orient. Ooh, we don't say that anymore, sorry.

21:39Uh but at the same time, you can't be a good monster hunter without a good cup of coffee. You hear that, ladies? He's very hoity to not hoody toity. I like it both ways, you know. Oh, you hear that, ladies? He's one of them. No, I didn't mean dandies.

21:55Okay, next question. The girls aren't even like in it anymore. Okay. What kind of pizza do you like?

22:05Hmm, now pizza, that's that delicious Italian dish where they put the sauce and the cheese, pineapple.

22:12You monster. I should kill you right here and right now. Take that back.

22:15Pineapple on pizza is delicious.

22:17Fine, fine. Alright. No, that one doesn't count. What embarrassing, embarrassing thing happened to you recently? Hmm. Now be honest, you have many to choose from.

22:26Fine. No, that's fine. One time.

22:31Yes, we're all waiting.

22:32I got cold.

22:34Yeah.

22:34And I slid into what I thought was a cave. It was not a cave.

22:38What was it? I'm actually pretty intrigued by the story now.

22:41A cow. I thought it was a tight, small cave.

22:46You slid inside of a cow. Yes, it killed it. It was very sad. That's just tragic. The what's really tragic is that I left my boots outside.

22:55So my socks got all slimy. And then the cow died, obviously. Oh, okay. While I was sleeping, and then it got all swollen up and I couldn't find my way out, so I had to eat my way out.

23:04You just hear like the cow herder woman just crying like Betsy.

23:09That's what happened to him.

23:12You monster! Yes, yes, I kill monsters. Thank you for noticing.

23:17Okay. Uh let's see, let's see what else you got.

23:19No, I think it's my turn now for you. Now who is your 3 a.m. friend? What the [expletive] does that even mean? I'm spitting all over the place. Who is your 3 a.m. friend?

23:34Well you know, actually when I'm awake at 3 a.m. staking out a devious plot to some criminal, you know, monster, vestibule, whatever, I like to think about my dead parents. Oh. They compare to me. And they tell me, you're not good enough. Nothing will come of you. Stop drinking. You smell bad, and also you are not the heir to our family.

23:56I have those same demons, my boy. And you're adopted.

23:59In fact, they actually sound a lot like you. My father sounds quite a bit. He says, he sounds Could you say Um Could you say, we never loved you? Uh quit your day job, let Van Helsing uh take over the business. A paraphrase. [expletive]. Oh my god, it was you. You've been whisp pretending to be my family at night. You piece of [expletive]. You're not my 3 a.m. friend. You're my 3 a.m. bully.

24:26I could be your 3 a.m. friend. But who the [expletive]'s awake at 3 a.m. where they actually have this on a question on here. I don't so I don't understand the [expletive] question. Who was your first crush? Now her name was Betsy. And she was a cow? No! She milked cows. She was a milker, they called her. Real big milker. You know what? She was a cow. We're gonna go ahead and keep changing it. Uh let's see. What is your first childhood memory? Now, when I was a child, I was very portly and fat, and the kids used to make fun of me. Nothing's really changed, has it? No, I'm in the best ship in my life. Now Round. That's a shape. Now, worse childhood memory.

24:26We were playing King of the Hill, I recall, and some kid pushed me down.

From 25:00

25:16And I got dirty, and I couldn't go home all dirty. So I cried and I cried. And they called me Blubber Baby.

25:24Oh my god, that's so sad. I know. I almost want to hug you if I could fit my arms around you.

25:29Don't worry, my boy. Ten years later I got sweet revenge and murdered all those people in their sleep. Oh my god, what? Nah, I'm just joking. Oh. They were awake. Moving on. Uh what is your favorite season?

25:47Hmm.

25:48I do I am partial to summer. I'd like to note that everyone has left. Like, there are no women here at all.

25:59And they just don't notice. I am partial to summer, but out of my nose, a good for nothing cheater.

26:06Oh, let it go. Jesus. Oh my god. Just saying these. We're bringing her. Alright, hold on. Side note. We are bringing her back. And you you can pick. You can pick the questions. You can pick the whatever. Like Harry Potter trivia. Is she into Harry Potter? [expletive] yeah, it's on.

26:22It's on.

26:23Chris sealed the deal. 2021.

26:24Sign the contract.

26:25Autumn's back. Chris's girlfriend is back. Harry Potter trivia. So who does the questions? Because you clearly don't trust me with the questions. No. I'm gonna have to go with a third party on this. Chris. Chris. Autumn's boyfriend, Chris. Yeah, absolutely.

26:39Chris's girlfriend, Chris. No, you know what? I trust Chris more than I trust you. Take it back. As a bipartisan third party.

26:46Alright, whatever. That's something to look forward to in 2022. Also something to look forward to is that the skit will be coming to an end soon. So that's just a couple more questions. Okay, no boy.

26:55What skew do you want to master, Van Hessing? Carpentry. Jesus was a woodworker. And I thought, I'm better than that guy. I should work with wood.

27:06That was one of his Ten Commandments. Yes. Work with wood and hum humidity. I don't know them either. Where would you go? Where would you like to go on a date night?

27:24With you? Nowhere. But with the perfect date I'd like to go to a lonesome little pub lit only by candlelight, and I will express to her my love with a gift. A gift? The gift. That keeps on giving.

27:41Oh yeah. About that. Okay. Well, we're moving on. Uh let's see. Um Oh, you know, Van Helsing, what are we doing? Just pulling out, trying to compare sizes here.

27:52I mean you're You took everything from me, and I'm trying to find a wife so I can settle down and not be lonely.

28:00Well, uh listen, I've been thinking, you know, maybe it is time to get out to the business of monster hunting. You've taught me that the best business is minding your own business and just taking care of self-care and also selfishness. So what if we went and retired in a just like a laid back little quaint town where all they do is, you know, mourn mourn the things that I know the perfect place.

28:30They have a beautiful cemetery where I like to contemplate life choices there. That sounds very pensive and mature. That sounds great. I am something we can consider. Now, let me stop at the local costume shop and we'll head out. Nothing suspicious there. Absolutely not, my boy.

28:49Little teaser for season two there for you guys. Um, don't get at all, so it's not funny. But anyway, um, yeah, we want to end off. I think we have alluded that season two will be a for better or for worse, and if this episode's any indication for worse, uh will be a D Hunter's dedication. But it is uh actually like campaign, it'll be like an ongoing campaign. Yes. Uh I wrote dubious notes, uh dubious notes and skill checks, and there is actually uh like a plot, an overarching plot. It is not just uh Nate calling women cows or uh milkers. Dubious. Sorry, I've been watching a lot of weird anime lately. Thank you so much uh for listening. Uh 2021, another year, another maybe one day we're slowly approaching normalcy.

28:49Maybe there's a day where we uh don't have to do the podcast in my bedroom and we can go somewhere live. Uh I'm thinking 2022 might be the year. I think it'll maybe Wild Wild Westcon.

29:47Yes.

29:47In Tucson, check it out, or maybe Phoenix Fan Fusion.

29:50I'm wondering if we bring this exact table to the event, set up the mics, they're not even [expletive] plugged into anything, and I just sit there yelling at people.

29:58I do think that is our play, is to just like you're following around people with a like a mic that's it does have a cord, but it's like clipped. Yes, it's like clearly clipped and frayed. Um, and then you're just like chasing people, like like, what are you wearing? Like kind of imagining like Joan Rivers, but straight and bigoted. Yeah, just Van Telsing voice the whole time.

From 30:00

30:16Have you ever thought about anal things? Where was I going with this? I'm lost. Hello.

30:24And then I don't know, I guess Chris and I'm gonna have to turn that into a subscription to That One Presents. That will be something I'll ponder over the holiday break.

30:31You'll be like, I'm funny. Kinda.

30:34I'll be like, probably we'll get I'll be like, he will leave you alone if you subscribe. I'm like looking right at him making that content.

30:41Just it won't break.

30:42I just take my phone. Uh thank you so much for listening. That one presents. Uh, your Christmas gift this year uh for New Year's will be us not promoting ourselves, but check us out next season. Um, maybe it would actually be worth becoming a patron. Yes, yeah, just a dollar.

30:56We'll see.

30:56Not promoting myself. Not promoting myself, just a dollar. Uh check out the Patreon. Check out Patreon. Happy holidays, happy new year, happy uh Kwanzaa, Hanukkah. I don't know any really other holidays other than that, but um that's May the 4th. May 4th. Okay. Happy May the 4th. Thanks for listening and see you next year.

31:17Bye.