Nun Other Than Sister Brother

From 0:00

0:00Just so you know what Daft Monks is half talk show, half actual play campaign that features adult language and topics viewer discretion is advised. Hello and welcome to Daft Monks Husance Podcast. Hey Nate. Hey, what's going on, Nate? It's just another day. What have you been up to? You know? Anything cool?

0:26Well, just being miserable since you abandoned me in the state of Arizona.

0:29I'm sorry. How was the weather today?

0:32It's been nice, actually. You know.

0:33Because I left probably. Like today I woke up and the wind was like 40 mile per hour gusts out here where I'm at. And I'm like, what the [expletive] was I thinking? You made a choice and I have to stick with it. I do. You gotta stick with my guns. Small town living for this cowpoke.

0:49But I felt like you were living in like a small town here. Cause I don't know. I think you had like what, like a general you had like one general store, and then otherwise it was what 30 minutes to get to like a shopping complex or something.

1:01Yeah, 30 minutes to get into town. But if I wanted to get into the city, it was like 40 minutes maybe.

1:07Yeah. I felt like somehow you even though you weren't quite as like remote as you are now, you might as well have been.

1:13Right.

1:14Like you had a gorgeous house, but you lived in the middle of nowhere, and I never wanted to go there.

1:17Yeah. But now I'm planning on moving into like a metal hut, so I know one step closer to becoming a hermit.

1:26I had to I like I had to Google what the [expletive] you were talking about. Because I'm like this. Quant quantit. And people do this? Yes.

1:36Welling it's becoming a big thing, yeah. Because uh there's one guy here that I know from working here, he actually made one already. I need to, he retired, and this is like retirement home. But I need to track him down so I can come look at his house slash metal building.

1:54Okay, so our for our white collar listeners who have no idea what a quonset hut is, imagine an aluminum pipe cut in half coming out of the ground, almost like what a lot of times, like what are those gardens or what are they called?

2:05Uh a culvert.

2:06Yeah. I feel like it it's where you would go to like buy plants or something, and there's just like, you know, it literally is like a rounded steel hut. And this is what Nate wants to build a house out of have this like half pipe house and then just build walls inside of it.

2:19And you'll come visit and be like, you know what? This is [expletive].

2:26No, it looks it's I was I was saying before we started the episode. Um, it I'm seeing some really cool examples, and I'm seeing some real pieces of [expletive]. So I think like you'd have to execute this well. Like it could literally look like a [expletive] steel pipe coming out of the ground that you live in, like you could look like sewer people house, or it could look real artistic and like indie. Right.

2:51I hope so, man. Because you imagine if I blew all of the money that I get from selling my house on something where I'm like, this is dumb, I don't like this. Yeah.

3:01Um I'd be so upset.

3:04That would be so cool though. And then as you said, like basically if you get away with no mortgage payment, I mean, there is a lot of [expletive] situations I'd live in for no mortgage payment.

3:13Right. I mean, not a trailer, but you know, metal house for sure. This is kind of like a giant trailer, but without wheels. Yeah. So that makes it classy, Nate. Nate, when you live in a small town, you can live in a trailer, but if your trailer has wheels still, you're white trash, you're a piece of [expletive]. But if your trailer is on Jack's, you're alright.

3:36This is just like a reminds me of a bunker. Like if it was like a nuclear fallout were to happen, uh a Quonset hut is where I would go to stay with somebody who would probably try to murder me and eat my body, but he'd probably also have a lot of provisions. Like, that's kind of the vibe I'm getting here.

3:52Come find me. I got guns and canned food, and I am that kind of guy.

3:58Nate, have you been watching the Winter Olympics? Be honest.

4:02Oh no. I saw the one meme with the slope where it looked like it was in Chernobyl, and I was like, oh man, I totally spaced that the Winter Olympics were even on. Like now I feel like, am I less American or do I just not give a [expletive]? Because really I don't give a [expletive].

4:18The 2022 Winter Olympics, Chernobyl, Beijing, Tokyo, Chernobyl.

4:27Russia's like, we've been waiting a long time to get the Olympics back, you know, and Chernobyl seems to be the right place.

4:33We can only think of one place to house the entire world. Russia would do something like that though, because to be frank, they just want us to. They literally want us disposed of, and that what better way than to expose us to like decades old radiation.

4:50Like, it's really weird they pulled all their athletes. But where's it at really? Is it in China? Uh right now it's Beijing, right? That did not look like Beijing. That looked like the slums of Beijing. That looked like uh a nuke went off, and then they're like, uh, close enough, [expletive] it. Send some snowboarders out there. It'll nobody'll miss them.

From 5:00

5:14No, so my coworkers asked, what was your favorite, as like an opener question to our our our team meeting, what's your favorite winter Olympic sport? And so I had to Google even the list of what those are. And to me, it was like slide down a frozen hill on one piece of wood, slide down on two pieces of wood, slide down inside of a piece of wood. But then there's some weird ones like the biathlon where it's like ski down a mountain partway, then shoot some stuff, and then ski down a mountain some more, which I feel like that could be any Olympic sport, right? Yeah, like you could do synchronized diving and then you get out or even stay in the water and shoot stuff and then go back up for the night.

5:14Like any sport would be a lot more interesting if you just incorporated target shooting with a rifle in the middle of it.

5:55Add guns. Like bobsledding, add guns. Like now, not only do they have to bobsled around turns, they have to hit targets while they're going.

6:05Like the bobsled gets like longer, so now it's five people instead of four, and the fifth one just has the [expletive] weapon.

6:12He's just unloading, yeah, fully automatic, just trying to hit targets, not hitting anything. You can't tell me the ratings, the ratings would not go through the roof if that was the event.

6:25Yeah, even I'd watch it, and we both know right because I'm thinking, man, there's gonna be an accident. Um, so uh yeah, I haven't been watching it. Honestly, I don't really care as much about the Winter Olympics, but what I will say is, man, I'm seeing all these headlines. Like, this really seems like the most corrupt, scandal-ridden Olympics that I've I've witnessed in my 30 some years here. There was like this like underage Russian girl who got disqualified for doping, but they still let her compete. Then there was like this Jamaican girl who got, or not Jamaican, I'm sorry, but just uh like some somebody of like color basically was disqualified for the same thing, but she doesn't get to like compete. So it's like why because she's not a white Russian girl, yeah.

6:25Yeah, I don't know, but it's also in Beijing, so do they even care? Like China doesn't care, it's so weird. And then there's all these things of like people getting disqualified because they're like aerodynamic suits are not up to like standards. There's just I just keep reading like over and over again. I think there was like an Olympic figure skater who got disqualified. I'm just like, well, what's going on?

7:31Is it because he was stuffing his trousers? Like maybe that adds aerodynamics. I don't know, you know? And how many Chinese have been disqualified? Zero, I'm sure. So it's gotta be corrupt.

7:46It's gotta be, Nate. It's gotta be. Moving on.

7:49Yeah, because that's how much we care about the winter Olympics.

7:52Yeah, like I'm surprised it got that much airtime, honestly.

7:55No, all I'm thinking about, Nate for Reals, is figure skating with guns.

8:01Like, name me, you could not possibly name me a sport, even like archery. They shoot with with a bow and arrow, then they put that down, then they pick up a [expletive] weapon. Yes, yes. Okay, moving on for real real, though. Okay, we did something pretty amazing last episode. I don't know if you realize this, Nate.

8:20Do you do you know what I'm talking about? No, I don't think so. What do we do?

8:23So we started talking about Futurama, and the next thing you know, Futurama is announced with new episodes for Hulu, and they're they're reviving it, I guess. Do you think we did that? I absolutely think we put it in the universe, and the reason I know we did is because it came into the universe really [expletive] up, and that's also an effect of us, I think, as well. So have you heard about all this drama, Nate, about what's going on with the Futurama stuff?

8:47No, I didn't know there was. I knew about the new season coming out on Hulu, but I did not know there was drama involved. Is it like as much drama as the Winter Olympics? Is like what's going on?

8:58I mean, nobody's doping, I think. I don't know, maybe. Bender, yeah, yeah. The actual drama here or gossip is or it's not gossip, it's confirmed. Everyone's back voicing the original characters, except Bender's voice actor, which is I think uh his name's something DiMaggio. And basically everybody's flipping the freak out, saying they're gonna boycott it, and then it's going into like, why aren't they paying certain voice actors? Like you you can just replace them, and it goes into how like, you know, don't cross a picket line. I guess with voice actors, it's like don't voice someone else's character, they should just pay you what you know it's worth.

8:58And so that DiMaggio guy, he basically has posted on Twitter a couple times, like he's totally open to doing the show, but he wants like a fair contextual offer, and I guess they don't want to give it to him who's not willing. Now, I can't imagine the show without Bender's voice, even if you can like find somebody to imitate it, right? Even the announcement image was Bender on the social media and on Hulu's social media. It was Bender with a sign saying we're back.

9:57Yeah, but not him, but not him, yeah.

9:59But pretty much everybody else. So pretty wild there. And then some people are also complaining. The show's been canceled so many times, and despite that, it's had a lot of really good finales, even though it kept canceling and coming back and kind of reconning stuff. So people are like, just let it die, like let it stay dead. Now they're worried it's just like a money grab. But for me, I don't know. I was just excited. Like, what are your thoughts, Nate? I'm like, Yeah, more Futurama, I'm on board.

From 10:00

10:22Oh, yeah, I'll definitely watch it or at least give the first couple episodes a try, you know. If it's gonna be like disenchanted, then I'll watch a couple episodes and then not anymore. It's pretty like yes or no for me, you know.

10:36Yeah, we were talking about disenchanted a couple or last episode as well, and that's another that actually just released a new season. I think something too with that show is it like it doesn't stick to its own timeline. I don't know, like it like suddenly reverts stuff it did in previous episodes. Like, there's no like consistency or coherence.

10:53I don't really don't understand the comedy in it, like because some episodes are funny and then others are serious. Like, are you a funny show? Like, because Rick and Morty, every single episode is [expletive] hilarious. I just watched the last season, but like Disenchanted, like, what's going on here?

11:11Going back to Futurama, I feel like I doubt it'll be [expletive] eyes. Like, I it could just be a money grab and they do a totally horrible version. But the same, you know, people, Matt Groening and the other partner, I don't know his, I don't remember his name, but the other guy who was kind of drove that series is on board, so I feel like it's gonna be pretty good.

11:28Right. I'll definitely give it a shot and go from there. You got one episode, make it worth my while.

11:34Fair. I think if you're excited for it coming back, you're welcome. And if you're not excited for it coming back, we had nothing to do with it.

11:41Yeah, don't worry about it. None of our business. There's a million other shows out there. Watch something else.

11:46Well, pretty big, uh, big is maybe a generous word, but we are starting to make some live appearances this year, and the first one we're willing to announce, uh Nate, is that we're gonna be at the Wild Wild West Con in Tucson, Arizona, um, on I believe March 5th. Saturday, March 5th.

12:07I am so excited for this. I love Steampunk, and this is a steampunk convention. Sadly, we got the okay too late, so I haven't I won't be able to make an outfit like I want to, but I love this, and I am so excited that we got accepted as a panel and that we're gonna be there, you know, as Nat 1 presents.

12:27Yeah, super excited. Uh, like you said, Nate, uh, we would have probably done something a lot more elaborate, but literally we have never heard from these organizers until three weeks before. I guess they probably went back and forth with COVID. It seems like there was some like technical and logistical issues they had to work through, and so they weren't sure if they were gonna have the show. So totally understand, no worries there. But um, I think we'll definitely be there in a more limited presence than we're planning to at other events this year, um, just because we had no idea we were gonna be there until just just now.

12:27Uh, if you're in like, you know, the Southwest or you love steampunk, it's it's a three-day or I think it's a four-day event, actually, but we'll be there Saturday, March 5th.

13:02They do things like Thursday night and then Friday and then Saturday, Sunday.

13:06Yep.

13:07I feel like a lot of the like events are sold out or just not listed on their site yet, but there is an absinthe testing, um, like case testing. So I don't know. I might see if you're down for that, Nate.

13:18Um sign me up. Is it legit though, or is it like the American Absence?

13:23Totally agree. Uh, the name of the vendor is there, so we could maybe research that. But that's what my thought was, too. Of like, are we getting some like cool Europe [expletive] or are we getting some like like green colored wine cooler? Like totally. Yeah, come and then join our panel. We don't have the time yet on Saturday, but we'll be doing a podcasting panel. So if you want to launch your own podcast, we'll and especially a steampunk podcast, we'll be giving you some tips, tips, uh like tips, tricks, and and some stories and sharing our knowledge and honestly promoting ourselves, but mostly being helpful.

13:55I actually ran a steampunk DD uh one shot or was it a two-shot? Was it a two piece? No, it was just a one-shot. And man, it was a blast. And if you need help with world building or things like that, I think everyone at the table had fun. And I know I dressed up for it as DM, and it was a great time.

14:14It was a blast. I could only go to one session. I was so mad I couldn't go to the second. I don't know what I had that that day, but I was so mad I couldn't attend the second one. But it was a fun, fun time. I also got to witness you wearing the smallest vest I'd ever seen on a grown, on a six-foot-tall man. So that was that was super entertaining as well.

14:31It was a legit time period piece. So yeah. People were a lot smaller back then.

14:40Okay, and then our last kind of bit for our introduction today before we get on to our activity. So we are a sometimes DD podcast. So I want to talk a little bit, Nate. Have you have you known there's been this like floating headline for a little while? Not a lot of news on yet. It's still in early development, but they're creating a DD TV series. Have you heard anything about that?

14:59Ooh, no, I haven't. I need to look it up now. Is it going to be better than the DD movie starring Marlon Wayans and with the blue lips?

From 15:00

15:09Yes. I there is a special place in my heart for that terrible movie. I love it.

15:15I love it too.

15:16I know. My dad was really into it. He made me watch it a lot. And at first, I'm like, this is so dumb. And then eventually I was like, it is dumb, but I'm I'm a fan.

15:24Right? I'm I'm all for it. The dwarf like sleeping out in the trash, and he's like, Oh, by the way, I got a secret tunnel right by my trash. Like, let's escape.

15:34You cannot push any plot holes by you, Nate. You are not a fan of convenient storytelling at all.

15:39No, I hate it. Especially when it's in a movie. Like, come on, that's the that's the best we got. Is we got to a back alley. There's a dwarf hiding in some trash. And then, oh, by the way, this is the way out. You're welcome.

15:52The big baddie with blue lips. I had just had so many weird mixed feelings about that guy.

15:57I went on so many forums trying to find out what he was. Like, is he like is he human? Is he supposed to be a tiefling? Is he like an elf or something? Like, what is the deal? And everything I found just says he's a guy with blue lips. Like, is he is he currently being strangled? Is that why his lips are so blue? Is he cold? You know, does he have some kind of like reaction with his armor and he's freezing? I don't know. He just has blue lips and it drove me nuts. We'll never deserve an Oscar for that choking scene. Like if you watch him, he is like really choking. Like someone is really choking that guy. Get that guy an award. His eyes are bulging out and [expletive]. Like, come on.

16:39The Oscar for best choke. Yes. Posthumor humorous.

16:44Or actually, he probably would come in second place to Arnold Schwarzenegger in total recall when they fly out of the window on Mars and they're like, oh, you know, their eyes are bulging. It would it's a close second place.

16:56Would be hard to judge. All right. So these these news stories about this like DD show. Basically, there's this company called E1. I've never really heard of it, but it was acquired by Hasbro, and then the Hasbro is basically trying to create, they're not using the word, but they want a multi-pronged approach for television, aka they want a multiverse for DD and multiple TV shows. Seems like for the US, Paramount is maybe going to be the distributor. We'll see. But the big kind of news recently, because it's really just been like no news for almost the last year, is that they hired, they finally selected like the writer director, who is Rawson Marshall Thurber.

16:56Now, this is kind of a big deal because right now he's really hot because I don't know if you've heard, but the on the movie Red Notice on Netflix, did you watch that or hear about that? No, I didn't watch that. No. Okay. It's the it's The Rock, it's Galga Dot, and then it's Ryan uh Reynolds, and it's like a spy, whatever movie. Anyway, it is the number one wash movie on Netflix. It's only been out a few months, like of all time, so it performed mega well, already has two sequels. So he's basically that director, but and at first when I heard that, I was like, don't care. I didn't watch that movie either. But you know what he did directly that I am a huge fan of. What? Dodgeball the underdog tale.

16:56I love that one. So do I too, which is so bizarre that that's where this guy comes from. Um but yeah, he did that. He also did a couple other things. He's also oh, he's behind Stranger Things too, which I've actually never watched. Um, but I think that's yeah, okay.

18:40It's very Cthulhu-esque.

18:42Yeah, I so honestly people so far are pretty excited. Um, even now I'm excited.

18:49I love [expletive] dodgeball.

18:50Yeah, exactly. That's what it's so crazy, but like that's what got me going. I was like, all right, all right. I just my favorite thing now you got me going. The favorite thing about dodgeball is when the luck of the Irish sign falls and kills patches of hand and like the irony of dying under the luck of the Irish sign, it like it just got me so much. It got me so much.

19:14Um I have two favorite parts in Dodgeball, and one is when he's cleaning the truck and the hillbilly is sticking his finger in his belly button, and he's like, Yeah, get in there, deep light. And then the second part is when they're at the end and he's like, Oh, Steve the Pirate's not here, and the guy's like, Well, who's Steve the Pirate? Yeah, you know, Steve the Pirate, and then the end he's like, Hey, look, Steve the Pirate, and he's like, You [expletive].

19:42I could see you doing that. Absolutely. It's amazing. Yeah, I I think that movie is like literal genius um on so many levels. But this guy also does seem this Ross and Thurber. He also seems like a real DT player. So he tweeted, so deeply thrilled about this. Grew up playing the PNP version, level 13, Lawful, Good Paladin, Holla. Uh, enjoyed the heck out of DDo Unlimited, which what that's Dungeon Dragons Online Unlimited, and learned to tell stories through always being the DM. Boyhood dreams come true. Can't wait to get Kraken.

From 20:00

20:13Dang, I am excited for this now. I'm gonna look this up as soon as we're done recording.

20:18I would absolutely like a DD TV show. Yeah, a good one, right? Like a well done. Like if we could get if we could get The Witcher, but funny and about DD stuff, and then everybody's gonna be like, oh, we already have that. It's called Vox Machina meh, is that my right?

20:33It's animated trash. Yeah. I thought for a second you're gonna be like, who'd they get to direct? Matt Mercer. And I'll be like, oh my god, can this guy just [expletive] do everything?

20:42Apparently. Um, I did watch they've released more episodes of Vox Machina, it gets better. I'll admit that. Is it a hundred percent Rotten Tomatoes in my book? Still no.

20:52It's a still in the is it still at a hundred percent?

20:54I think last I checked it was. Yeah, I keep checking it out of spite to I'd be like waiting for it to go down, but even as much as a re week.

21:01No [expletive] way.

21:03Yeah.

21:03Yeah, look it up. There's no way that it is still at a hundred percent. I'm gonna go on there just to leave a I'm gonna go on there and leave a bad review.

21:10Well, you gotta be like a critic to actually count, but anyway.

21:14Okay, this is the plan then. I'm gonna establish myself as a critic. I don't know. Get inside the system just so I can bring them down.

21:22I don't know, Nate. I put it on and I end up doing other things while the show is on every time. And I don't know, maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm the minority, but I can't get into it, Nate. I want to.

21:31I get it.

21:32I want to are you gonna watch it?

21:34Uh if I got time, I'll sit down and try it. But then that's fair. Honestly, I really I really like Critical Role and their stuff. Like I'm actually in our next DD campaign, we're gonna be playing the our pay to play game. Um I'll be using a Matt Mercer character. He does make good [expletive].

21:51So we're talking [expletive] and you're basically imitating your idol. So got it. Yeah, I love him.

21:56I wish I could wear those leather bracelets that he wears. I can't pull it off. You know, I can't do it.

22:03Well, anywho, very excited. We do, we are kicking off our pay-to-play DD. That's what we're calling it. DD campaigns. Yeah. Uh, we had done a one-shot. We kind of like tried out our professional DM and uh he passed the test. He's built us backstories. He rewrote your backstory where he talked about that. He literally was like, hey, this is okay. Let me make this better.

22:22Yep. And then he sent me extras. He sent me family members' pictures and my best friend's picture that died in my tragic backstory. He's going above and beyond, and I couldn't ask for more.

22:34I'm pretty I'm pretty excited because like I want enthusiasm. I want enthusiasm. I also wanted somebody who's gonna like take the time, put effort into this, and when we got somebody. So he uh he totally made fun of us because he remember like on previous episodes, we're like, of course he says he listens, he just wants our money. But then he actually told us about listening to us talk about if he's listening, so we we we can confirm he is actually a listener.

22:57So and we appreciate it. Yeah, thanks. We appreciate you, Ryan. I do.

23:02Moving into the activity part of today's episode, Nate. It was recently Valentine's Day. I don't know how you feel about this holiday, Nate.

23:11It's a scam. I got I got Megan a card because I have to. It's my duty, and I love her. Yeah. But other than that, I I bought chocolates, but then I bought chocolates that I enjoy. So I'm like, they're for Megan, but she hasn't eaten one because she don't even like them. So I'm like, I'm nom nom nom nom.

23:31Nailed it. If that's not true, love, I don't know what is.

23:35Yeah, done and done.

23:36I mean, hey, I'm right there with you, Nate. Uh me and David, we didn't do anything for each other. We uh we went to dinner. That's what we we got sushi, and that was a good time. But we didn't uh I was actually he got a new car recently, so I was like, hey, you want me to get you like a a car wash membership so you can like keep it clean all the time? And he's like, no, he just like laughed in my face. I was like, cool, that's why I asked first. Glad I didn't spend the money on that.

23:59Oh, see, I pictured him as like the hapless romantic one in your guys' relationship.

24:05Oh, that's me, usually, but he killed it for me. He's such a not romantic, I think. Whoa. I don't know. He he's very practical, right? So I think when you when you once you really start dating somebody with practical, like if you give somebody like put your heart on your sleeve and like buy someone that makes somebody a really nice gift, and then they're like, Oh, this is great, I don't know what to do with it. That just like stabs you through the heart. Yeah, and you bleed out a little bit. So after a while, you just learn like you don't have to spend money or go over the top. Like some people just you know, there's those what were they love languages, Nate?

24:36You heard of those? Yes, yeah. I actually read a book on different love languages. Really? Willingly? Yes, because a guy at my work was having problems, and I was like, What are you talking about? And he's like, It's this book, you should read it. And I'm like, All right, man, I'll read it for you. And I read it, and it a lot of it makes sense, yeah, if you actually want to apply it to your relationship.

24:56It it's the basic concept of like there's so many languages, and all you need to know is that Nate might like gifts. He might like physical things like DD books, but maybe Megan just likes compliments, like she doesn't want physical things, she just wants compliments or sex. I don't know, who knows, right? There's like because there's like physical, there's affection, there's spending time together, there's gifts. I don't remember all of them, but so it's basically like you tend to want to give people the affection in the way you like affection, you know. So if I like gifts, I want to get David gifts. But the reality is love people the way they want to be loved.

24:56So for for David, it's really just about spending time with each other and just you know, um, maybe like words of affection and stuff.

From 25:00

25:36And for me, it's definitely you're like, oh Jesus, can't I just get you a gift?

25:40Yeah, I yeah, exactly. 100% nailed it. Anyway, so with uh Valentine's Day being recent, we figured uh let's talk a little bit about love. Let's let's do uh like a uh a Valentine's theme activity. And so what I pulled up here, uh very lazily, we're gonna do a little trivia for you, Nate, is the 50 most beloved TV couples of all time. Now, don't worry, we're not gonna do all 50, but we're gonna see um if you know who some of these couples are, and I'm not gonna hold any punches. I I know you don't watch every show on television, but many of these I think like even there's shows where I'm like I know what they're talking about without even watching the show. So let's let's see, Nate.

25:40Let's see what you can put together. All right, I'm ready. I think. So this first one I'll keep it keep it super easy for you. All right, so it's like a 90 sitcom, right? And basically there's two couples in this sitcom, right? One is an on and off again relationship between two people, and the series pretty much gravitates around these two. But the more iconic relationship and the more reliable pairing is these other two characters. One is a type A woman who is just very strong-willed, and then the other is an irrepressible goof, right? They have like a slow build and they end up getting together, and they end up staying together, and then the woman proposes to the guy, right? And they adopt twins. See if I can give you some more.

25:40Uh Netflix paid a [expletive] ton for this television show. It was on for many seasons until I think HBO got it later. What show am I talking about? For one.

27:10Ooh.

27:11It centers around like six basically friends living in an apartment.

27:15Oh, so so friends.

27:16Okay, so it's friends.

27:18Yeah. Well, who did who did the adoption? Now, Ross and Rachel wouldn't do the adoption. Yeah, so the only other couple is uh Monica and Chandler.

27:27Yes, Monica and Chandler is the couple. So they're I like, and I I agree, I didn't watch a lot of Friends Nate. I know you're a much bigger Friends fan than I am, but Monica and Chandler are like seem like a much healthier couple to me than Ross and Rachel were. Um, they seem kind of toxic even at times. Okay. All right, so I threw that one easy one to you because I knew you watched Friends, but now let's go. Let's go all over the place, okay? So this is from a 1951 show, but you would absolutely know the title if I told you. So it's black and white, it was on CBS, and basically you got this guy who smokes a lot of cigarettes, and then you got this like red-headed goofball.

27:27Um, and this was like one of the first interracial couples, basically, on television. Lucy and Desi Arnaz.

28:12Yes.

28:12Lucy Obala and Desi Arnaz. Yep, you are correct. Uh, from I Love Lucy. Yeah. That's right.

28:17I love that show. It's good. Even though it's still like so old, it's so good. The one with the chocolates. And so they just keep eating the [expletive] chocolates like man.

28:28Classic. Aside from like the interracial part, I think what's actually really interesting is it shows a woman being like gross kind of like like Lucille Ball is like her humor is like not perfect, and she's not like kind of what you would expect from somebody in the 1950s. And so I I think um pretty pretty cool.

28:45And I think being a main character too was a a big deal, you know, for a woman being a main character.

28:51Absolutely. Um, there's like a big now, I think, uh huge, huge documentary that's like super popular, just came out a couple months ago about Lucy O'Ball.

29:00Ooh, I might watch that.

29:01Yeah. Um, it's like Nicole Kidman plays her, and everybody was like, Nicole Kidman, and then yeah, but then apparently she did an amazing job.

29:09So, okay.

29:10Uh bouncing around, we're gonna go with another older show. I'm gonna tell you the show. Just well, I'll give you a chance first. Those were the days is a common phrase, right? From the song in the intro. And uh basically it has this like how can I describe him? He he's basically a lovable bigot who's struggling to handle the constantly changing world, and then you have this like ditzy woman, older woman who delivers occasional nuggets of wisdom and they're total opposites. Do you know who I'm talking about yet? I can give you more hints. Is it is it that 70s show? That one's that show is basically a spoof of this show. So all in the family. You know, all in the family. Okay, okay.

29:46Was that with the the guy who always sat in the chair? Yeah. And I know exactly who you're talking about with the white hair. Yeah.

29:52Archie and Edith are their names. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. So I didn't obviously also in 1970s with a little bit before our time, but iconic, this used to be on Nick on Knight a lot. I I feel like I still saw like reruns, and like Archie is like super miserable, and then Eva's is like super lovable and delightful, and you're like, how do these people live together? Um, and I really feel like that 70s show is literally a spoof like of this show.

From 30:00

30:15Oh, yeah. Because it sounded like word for word, and like that show that we're talking about would be the thing where if I fell asleep with the TV on and woke up, this show would be on. And we're like, what the [expletive] is this? Like [expletive] turn it off.

30:28Absolutely. You know, and like as an adult now, I have much more appreciation, but as a kid, right, if it's not like modern graphics, I feel like it's what kids these days are like when they go back and look at a Super Nintendo, they're like, This is trash, like let alone Junk. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even a PlayStation will look like [expletive] compared to you know what they're running today, the X phone or PS5 or whatever the [expletive] we're playing.

30:51And they didn't even know what we had to do to play an import game on the PlayStation. Like I bought a Japanese game, and you had to put that piece of yeah, you have to put the piece of paper into the door close uh sensor, the little button that says that the door is closed on the PlayStation. Uh-huh. So you have to time it so the PlayStation logo would come up, and then you have to swap discs out with a US game, uh-huh. And then the PlayStation logo would keep going, and then it does another pause, and then that's when you put the Japanese game back in. And did that really work? Yes, yep, it actually worked.

31:27I did not know. So the only game I really wanted to play that was an import was I was really big into Dragon Ball Z back in the day, and there wasn't really like for a long time in the US, like Dragon Ball Z video games, and so it was like Dragon Ball Z Budokai, whatever. I don't know what it was back then, but I wanted so bad, but they were only like in Japanese. Like you could find the game in the US, but you you I didn't think you could play it on the on a US uh region locked.

31:53There's ways around it, and then you did the same thing if you wanted to play uh burned games. So uh a couple of us would burn like we had an okay computer, so you burn the PlayStation game from Blockbuster or wherever you're at, and then you can actually play the burned game on the PlayStation. Yeah, I didn't know any of this, Nate. That's wild.

32:15So now you know not to do that. Obviously, that stuff is so like locked now, you could never possibly all of a sudden SWAT comes busting into the through your windows. Freeze, [expletive]. Um surprise, [expletive]. The only thing I ever did that wasn't really a hack, it was just more me like trying to get my [expletive] to work was the PS2 was kind of notorious for like the like the laser that would like read the disc or whatever, like the eye would get totally effed. And so you could like open it up and like turn like a dial that would like change the level of it, and that's how you could get it to read super scratch discs.

32:15Because I had these like games that I scratched up as a kid, but I still wanted to play. Right. Um, like Final Fantasy X was one of them and stuff. So I would like take my I'd have my PlayStation like a part where like the lid would come off, and there was like ribbon that went from the lid to like the power button on the actual console. So you had to be careful taking it off because you could easily pull it out. So you had to like do that carefully and then like kind of take another part off, and then like you just kind of like crank this knob. It was it was wild. Yeah, kids will never know.

32:15Like I feel like kids don't take apart consoles anymore these days, like a PC, yeah, they'll swap parts and stuff, but I feel like nobody's like hacking consoles as much. Not not in the way we were, like, not to modify them and and you know make them like run different operating systems, but to just like make them do weird [expletive]. Right. Alright, let's see that. Uh so let's move on. This famous couple that's from a show that is probably the longest running scripted primetime series in US history, is basically about a family. They have three kids, and it's a dysfunctional yet caring nuclear family unit. The male is a crude buffoon, the female is often the voice of reason. We see this a lot.

32:15Uh, these two lovebirds were named after series creator Matt Roning's own parents, making this decades-long TV bond more special.

34:05Simpsons, so Marge and Homer.

34:07Yep. Homer does so much dumb [expletive], and for the most part, Marge like forgives him and comes around.

34:13So I think that is very nice.

34:15It's lasting.

34:16Yeah. That's all I want, you know, is to be able to do dumb [expletive] and be forgiven about it.

34:21Here's one from Gray's Anatomy. I'm just gonna skip it. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say you don't know that one. But no, I don't know Gray's Anatomy. Okay. This next show though is a personal favorite. And if you don't know the show, which you probably won't, I'll be a little disappointed because I think it's pretty good.

34:39Okay, sorry. I mean you still haven't watched Goonies, but whatever.

34:43Let it go. All right. With adorable nicknames for each other like Marshmallow and Lillipad, What's Not to Love? Basically, we're talking about this really solid couple from the show Blank. The show was obstinably forced on a character called Ted telling the story of how he met the mother of his children. Uh these side characters were the real romance.

From 35:00

35:04See, I I never watched that show, but it's how you how I met your mother, right? Yeah, yep. Correct. And then see, I I knew I had a feeling. I never watched a show, but I had a feeling that like they're focused on what's his name? Jason Siegel? Yeah, yeah. And then like, is is he he's not the guy that like meets the the mother?

35:22No, he's not the main character, he's the roommate of the main character for most of the show. Oh, okay. Because the black-haired guy is the main character. Ted, played by Josh Radner, yeah. Okay, yeah, Dewey Hauser. Um, yeah, I absolutely love that show. It does have a [expletive] ending, but otherwise it's like what, nine season seven. No, yeah, nine seasons of otherwise really great stuff, a little bit depressing ending, but basically the roommate from college and this chick that his roommate from college met are together the entire series. They do have some breakups because it's like a sitcom, whatever, but it's it's a pretty good show. I like it a lot, and they're a really good couple together. So uh Marshall and Lily were the names we really come for.

36:05Oh, because I know my sister tried to get me to watch it, and I was like, I can't trust you for a show, and then that kept me from watching it.

36:12Let's move on. So, of course, the main character got a lot of attention for being in relationships with multiple different vampires, but basically these other two characters, one of which ends up being a witch, and then this other chick she meets in college, they end up becoming this like really cute couple, even though one of them ends up dying in season six, and then that makes the other character kind of go evil, but whatever.

36:37Oh my god. Okay, so it's not Buffy and Angel or Buffy and Spike. Willow. Yes, and what's what's her girlfriend's name? I know Willow is also in How I Met Your Mother, right? The red hair.

36:50Yeah, she's Lily, actually. So yeah, that's another one.

36:52Okay, and God, I can't remember her.

36:55Yeah, I do I couldn't remember the other chick's name either. It's Tara, is her name. Uh, Tara. Ugh. Freaking Tara. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, everybody knows Buffy and Angel had their romance. I was more, I was Team Spike more than Angel. I don't know about you. But uh I think Willow.

37:12I hated the guy who played Angel. Like, I can't stand his face. Like, why is he always squinting? Like, is are the lights in his eyes? David Boris is he's just yeah, does he just have that big chrome magnum brow that is just like looks like permanent shade, like it's a visor?

37:26But he's in bones. Don't you like bones, Nate? No, I don't watch bones either. I don't watch bones either. That's fine.

37:33You know what? [expletive] that guy. I don't even know that guy, but from those two shows, [expletive] that guy.

37:37All right, all right. What about this one? What about this one? What started out is a mutual crush and flirtation blossomed into a beautiful romance by the end of the show. Basically, there's countless cute moments from the male character going over this person's reception desk, and then the receptionist drunkenly kissing this guy after the Dundees at Chili's. They propose at a gas station in the pouring rain. Pam and Jim. Yeah. Yeah, from the office. That might be one of I don't know. I can't think of too many couples better than that one.

38:08I don't know. Dwight and uh what was her name? Angelica. No, uh Dwight and Angela. Angela. Angela. That was a tough one. That was a love triangle, and she wanted them to fight for her. And that's love.

38:24That's love right there. Uh all right. We're gonna go with one more, but I want to go out on a limb for the last one. Let's put you a little bit out of your comfort. Pick a crazy one. All right. Yeah, pick a crazy one. We've never rooted for our boss or employee quite as much as we did for these two characters uh in this show. So in the 1990s, basically viewers hung on every high-pitched word that came out of this woman's mouth as she tried to hurry up her. The nanny? Yeah. Okay. And so her character is literally called Fran, but what is the guy's name? Can you remember?

38:57Ooh, I have no idea. It's probably something like Dave.

39:00Mr. She well, she worked for him, so she called him Mr. Oh, I have no idea what his name is. Mr. Sheffield. Maxwell Sheffield. Sheffield. Yeah. Mr. Sheffield. I can't do the voice. Nobody can.

39:14Nobody should be able to. Right. That's up there with the Gilbert Gottfried voice. Like you hear that and you're like, oh, I know exactly who that is.

39:22Other couples that made this list, I'm not gonna make you guess. I think you would have got this one, Bob and Linda from Bob's Burgles or Bob's Burgers.

39:28I love Bob's Burgers. Corbin watched that's one of his favorite shows. Totally inappropriate for his age, by the way.

39:33Of course. I mean, I'd expect nothing less. Yeah. I'm a big fan, and I'm sure you're not. [expletive]'s Creek is hilarious.

39:41I actually have watched a lot of [expletive] Creek because Megan loves that show. Okay. So I have watched all of it. Who is your favorite couple in that show? Was it the the the mom and dad?

39:52No, God, no, no. Well, actually, okay. Really, it's the sister.

39:58Your sister's name was Alex, right? Alex, yeah.

From 40:00

40:00Yeah, Alex, Alexis. Alexis and her veterinarian friend. I think they have such a beautiful romance, and it ends so sadly at the end of the show. Spoiler alert. That one's my favorite because you see a lot of growth. Like a lot of like you see a lot of growth with really all the characters over the course of those seasons, but but there's so much growth with Alexis that you don't expect because you in the beginning, do you really just think she's like a write-off character, but she's she she really impressed me. Uh in this list, they had the the gay guy and and the other gay guy. Uh so David and Patrick.

40:34Yeah, when they were running their like their apothecary shop together and stuff.

40:38They do cute stuff too, but um, I think Alexis and I can't remember the vet's name, but that's he was the buff blonde guy, right? He was that, but he was like cheesy and like he was so in love with her, and like I think that's what's really beautiful too. Like David and his partner's relationship is very like, oh honey, you're a piece of [expletive]. But the vet, oh, I wish I could remember his name. He is just so madly in love with Alexis that like he gets so frustrated, but he just still loves her. Like he knows that she's like so much more trouble than she's worth, but he still loves her. And that's like that's love, right?

40:38Like when you just accept for someone, and like you know, like you're a piece of [expletive], and I still want to be with you, and vice versa. That that's the greatest love story ever told, Nate.

41:20Ooh, that's deep, Nate. That's deep. On a side note, my favorite part in any of the episodes on [expletive]'s Creek was when the mom was trying to teach him how to make an omelet. And it was like fold in the cheese. It's like, what the [expletive] does that mean? What does that mean? It means fold in it. It means fold. Yeah, just fold it, would it?

41:37Yeah, it's an iconic gif now. There's so many good lines. Did you get to the parts where um Mora, the mom, is in the crows have eyes?

41:45No.

41:46So she's like, right, she's like a failed actress, and for like many seasons she never gets a part, but she finally gets a like a part in like a movie in the Ukraine called The Crows Have Eyes, and you can tell like it's just this like direct to DVD piece of [expletive], and then like through like their [expletive] up PR, they end up blowing it up, and then like they accidentally like do a thing where they release crows and it's a disaster, and like it's so fantastic. And they they there's like so many references in the show, even after that happens to the crows have eyes.

41:46Like, like like Alexis will be doing like her PR campaign, or like they'll be it's or that she comes out in like the thing she wore to the premiere of Crows Have Eyes, and it's all like a Crows costume, and like just it just keeps popping up in like inappropriate situations. It's so good. I love [expletive] Creek, you can tell. I think it's it's literal genius. Took some time for me to warm up to, but the humor is so good and so much growth. I like characters that grow, like it's not just a sitcom, like those characters really um you really grow attached to.

42:42Oh, because in the beginning they were awful people, and I was like, man, I don't want to watch this show because I don't like anybody on the show, even the dad. I'm like, man, oh yeah, you suck too. But then by by like the middle of it, you're like, okay, I'm starting to get attached to these people.

42:56Yeah, that you start to relate them to like, oh, I have this terrible person in my family, and you know what? I still love them. Like, and that's that's who these people are of like, oh, I know they're gonna do [expletive] things, but I also see that they're trying, you know. Right. Yeah, it's huge. That's love, Nate. That's love. Yeah, that's love. All right, so we talked about perhaps one of the greatest love stories of all time, but that's maybe the second greatest love story because I think the first greatest love story, Nate, is Trevor Belmont and Abraham Van Nelsing.

43:26I think so too. They just don't know it yet.

43:28They just don't know it. And with that, let's transition over to Deaf Monks.

43:34The darkness is approaching yet again. The vampires have outnumbered us four to one, and our hearts are not in our favor. It seems as if all hope is lost.

43:51I wouldn't quite say locked, as probably misplaced, or something along those lines, but either way. Fear not, for Van Helsing and Belmont are here to save you.

44:08And welcome back to Daft Monks on our continued journey to fight evil. Let's do a recap, Nate. What have we done so far that's really stood out in your mind's eye, if you will? Not a whole lot, Cotton.

44:25Bold strategy, Cotton. Bold strategy, episode three, and we've gone nowhere with this story. Wonder if it'll pay out for. And basically dread captain pirate Sky Lord McNibbles, whose name we keep changing, he basically got turned into a were rat and kind of got beheaded by Blade. And long story short, these were some of Dracula's minions who created this, and that's very ballsy for Dracula's minions to kind of come out into a village during the day and and cause that kind of commotion. And so from that, Blade kind of informs us that Dracula's back, more powerful than ever, was not killed by Abraham Van Nelsing and Joe Velmont at their castle siege event from season one, and that the vampires and minions of the world are gathering, darkness is gathering, and something needs to be done.

44:25And so in episode two, we are going to an address a couple towns over where Blade has a contact at the church, where we can learn more about what's going on and maybe some leads on how to stop Dracula. But episode two, we seem to have ran into some crazy orphans in this town called Beaverlin who worship an oracle who may or may not be Greta Thornberg and teaches the kids to love the environment and to do so by eating human people. Correct. So that leads to a hairy situation. We actually have an encounter, some battling, we lick some rocks, everything's good. Not so good for one of the orphans. I think he gets eaten, and now we're on our merry way to the church to meet with Blade's contact. Correct.

From 45:00

46:10Now here we are. Here it says on the map that this place is called Heron Vineyard. This is the church of all churches. An entire town dedicated to this church. It has to be the main base of operations to slay the D. Yes, I I hear they call it the Vatican of the East.

46:31The Great Value Vatican.

46:33Yes, the Walmart, if you will. Not the Sam's Club, which is a lot nicer, but the Walmart for sure. And not even like a super Walmart, just a regular Walmart. Disgusting. Okay, so um we make our way down the path to Heron Vineyard. The trees start to break apart, and it is just a huge vineyard. There's grapes growing all over the place. And it's basically one road going through this humongous vineyard that leads to almost like a small castle type deal. Huge white columns coming up, very beautiful, like how all churches do. They put all their money back into themselves instead of the community. Wow, very political. Sorry, sorry. Sometimes I can be on the left side too, Nate. Okay.

46:33And yeah, and we just walk up and it seems that there are workers out in the field and everything if you want to try to like greet them. Van Helsing for sure is walking by and like, greetings, yes, yes, uh yes, it's me again.

47:40Hey, um, Belmont, my boy, do you think I should put on disguise, or do you think Blade let them know I was on my way, or what's on the the ticket, the agenda, if you will?

47:51Yes, but you know, you've gained literally, I think something like 40 pounds. So I think you're pretty well disguised. You look a lot older, a little bit homely, you have less hair. So honestly, if you just want to slap on one of those mustaches, I think you'd naturally be stealth. Just to be safe, I'm gonna put on two. It's like a nun outfit with a mustache.

48:14Exactly.

48:16We've never really established, but we make all of this up. Like Nay has like a story in his mind, but like pretty much every any kind of improv we do on this episode or roleplay, none of it is planned. So you're welcome.

48:27Okay, here I am, officially dressed. I am ready to infiltrate the church.

48:33I almost feel like you're standing out more than you did before with this. Are you sure this is entirely necessary?

48:40Oh, absolutely, my boy. Unless, of course, we show up and it's all men working at this church, and then that might be a little awkward. But then again, I have the mustache. So it's a win-win. I'm covering all my bases at this point.

48:52I mean, what's the likelihood of a church being ran by all men patriarchy? What's the likelihood of that? Inconceivable, really. But no, really, you look like a penguin, and I'm not talking about the penguin, the one that we keep talking about, that is just really depressing looking, but like an actual like Arctic bird that you know you got the white and the black hood and Yes, I think that's w that's what they call these uh nuns, if you will, uh flying penguins of some sort.

49:21I assume they have powers, like a cleric, because they have a strong sense in their god, and I'm sure God's gotta give them something to be believed in, maybe, you know, not just like feeling better about oneself. He's gotta be actually giving you something tangible, I'm sure. That sounded a lot like witchcraft, so why don't you let me do all the talking? Oh, I wasn't gonna talk anyways, because I don't know what voice to use. Like, am I a man? Am I a woman? I have a mustache. Either way, I'm covering all the bases, you know. It's be wrong of the church to assume my gender at this point.

49:51Like, how dare you, you know?

49:54You know, this kind of reminds me of who's the character in Venture Brothers, uh, the girlfriend of the of Monarch?

From 50:00

50:00Oh, yeah, I do. I do.

50:02She talks like this, but she's like a really sexy woman. Yeah.

50:06So he hates uh.

50:07I think it's like doctor girlfriend or something. I'm imagining like that's kind of the case with you, of like you look like a female, but you have clearly a man's face, and so it's just like you could be brother, sister, or lady brother or something.

50:20Oh excellent idea. From here on out, I am sister brother. That is my disguise name, and we shall keep it at that. Brilliant. I'm also granting myself plus one in deception skills. We're gonna need it.

50:36Yeah. Okay, yeah. So uh with that, do we we just go in through the front door?

50:41Oh no, uh I changed kind of like out in the road, and now we are approaching the front, and there is already a uh person standing there, a man, uh human being, kind of like medium build, wearing just dark colored cloth garments, very nice looking, very expensive, but very dark, drab almost, and he is like piercing you with his gaze as we're walking up. Then I think this guy is hitting on one of us, but I can't tell who. It's probably me, my boy. I look dashing in this outfit. I mean sensual, like a lady. I'm a lady, and that's that's my job. Like a rugged woman. Yes, yes. Like a like the kind of lady you would take camping or hunting, you know, a real class act.

50:41Someone who doesn't mind [expletive] in the woods. That you get all of that from one glance at this outfit.

51:34Um, can I do like an insight? I want to see if like is he actually looking at us, me, you?

51:41Uh yeah, do uh give me a roll.

51:43Okay.

51:44Does a or 12.

51:46Oh yeah, that's fine. He is looking at you and not the ridiculous fat man nun.

51:51So does he is he guarding the door or he's just standing by it staring at us?

51:55Yeah, he's he's kind of standing in front of the door, and he has his arms in that posture that like uh Littlefinger always does, where they're like they're like his arms are inside of his own sleeves kind of deal. Like that kind of thing, like looking at us. Yes.

52:09Good afternoon, sir. Uh it is I, Trevor Belmont, uh, and my my associate, traveling, traveling companion.

52:16Sister nun, sister brother. I [expletive] up already, my boy.

52:21Don't let him know. Yeah, he'd no word to her. She's uh a nun in training, uh, still has a lot of work to do. Uh, but nonetheless, we are here to speak with uh this person, and I hand them the paper from Blade with the contact on it.

52:37Uh he grabs it without saying a word to you and reads over it, breaking open Blade's wax seal that was on the little envelope thing, and you can watch his eyes darting back and forth as he's reading. And he looks up at you, down with a letter, looks up at Van Helsing. You see his shoulders like kind of like ugh, like shrug down, and he takes a breath out, and then he goes back to the letter and folds it up and stuffs it inside of his uh shirt sleeve there. Very well. It seems we have been expecting somebody, but I did not know it would be you, Master Slayer, and you person who we excommunicated for impersonating a woman. You are back. Okay. Looks like the gig is up then missing.

53:25Oh, I thought he was talking about you. My disguise is so perfect.

53:29How could he possibly see through this? But if he's talking about me, I guess I'll at least dislodge these two melons that I stuffed underneath my shirt. They're becoming quite uncomfortable. Oh, would you look at that? They're not melons, they're pineapples. No wonder they were chafing me so badly.

53:47Anyway, do you know where our contact is? I'm sure we don't want to draw a lot of attention to Van Helsing being here. We just need to chat with him real quick, get some information, and we'll be on our way. No need to cause a ruckus here.

53:58Yes, I am that contact. Now please follow me inside. We have a lot to discuss. Very well. Sister brother.

54:07Oh, very well. Yes. Uh oh, yes, I have been in many a church. I know my way around. Ooh.

54:12And then he like kind of let me roll for it. Oh no, he's fine. I was gonna have him stumble on the stairs, but he catches himself. And he's right back up.

54:20These weak ankles, you know.

54:21And then so um, without another word, this man, uh obviously a member of the church, is now guiding you through these tall, huge pillars rising up, grand cathedral inside, and just a long, long hallway.

54:36I want to imagine as we walk in, we like dip our hands in the holy water and like Charbell Mont, like, you know, does like the prayer, like father or son cross thing with the holy water, and then Ben Helsing just like dabs it on his neck, like trying to cool himself off.

54:48Good idea, my boy. Oh, this has had a this has been a long time coming. And then he kind of like takes his underwear that he's been having and like kind of dips it in the water and wrest it out in there. He's like, Oh, that'll be better later, I'm sure of it. Let me let me roll and see if I can do that stealthily. Ooh, and at 20. I did that completely stealth.

From 55:00

55:08Nobody saw that somehow. The guy's just like guiding us through, like looking straight forward. I feel like that's something like right, like uh a little finger would do, it'd just be like staring directly forward.

55:17Yep. Man, I love that character. But yeah, and then he guides you down and then he comes across uh behind kind of like the main stage, if you will, where they do all of their presenting in worship or whatever, and then there's a hatch that he opens up.

55:31Err.

55:32And then uh leads long stairs going straight down, down, down, down, down. Ugh, very dark in here. Kinda creepy.

55:39I'm kinda surprised the only entrance down through the basement where you keep secret information is through a hatch door on the literal stage of the sermon floor. That's pretty unique.

55:51I wasn't gonna say anything, but yes, a very odd choice and design, I'm sure. There are reasons beyond your comprehension for why we must resort to these measures. You see we are all being hunted at this point. We are part of an organization, as you know. The church itself is very involved in hunting and slaying Dracula, and we have been doing it for many a year, but now our hunters are becoming very thinned out. They're not reporting back, and I fear the worst. We have lost more than half of our standard hunters, and we are relying on help from others to come to our aid at this point. Now please continue to follow, it's not much further. Yes, of course, of course. Thank goodness, because I'm getting a little chafed back here.

55:51I don't do good on stairs, or inclines, or declines, or flat plains. Yes, or uneven roads or grassy roads, or roads or friction in general. Yes. Gravity does a number on me. And you hear like the the church guy just go, uh, okay, yep, yep, alright. And then uh you go down probably like three more flights of stairs. This basement is deep, and then you come into just a small rectangular, elongated dark room with torches going down the sidewall, and there are weapons along along the side, and then there are maps and charts and scrolls and books all along the other side, and then he is leading you basically to a large table kind of set up in the center with candles and some more torches around it for better lighting.

57:34I whisper over to Van Helsing and I'm like, Van Helsing, this reminds me of of the Belmont family stash and uh the catacombs underneath our mansion. We used to keep ancient relics, weapons, many scrolls of of knowledge on how to kill beasts. This really brings back a lot of memories. This is a good sign.

57:51Oh yes, I was thinking it's a great sign because this brings back my favorite memories of being trapped in an opium den for twelve months. That's a whole year, my boy. Now I wasn't really trapped.

58:03I could have escaped, but every time I would just find another pillow and be like, well, maybe one more hit on the opium pipe, you know? And then this kept going on and on and on for twelve whole months. That's nothing like my story. You kind of look back at his face and he's like wide-eyed and just smacking his lips, like, yeah. Those were the days. Now please gather around the table and I will show you what we have so far.

58:28I'm imagining this is very like James Bond, like the M agent is like, I have a pen that shoots a laser, and like the six gadgets that are just like stupid [expletive].

58:38Yeah, it's kind of the vibe I'm trying to try to go for. We both gather around the table, and then there is a large map, it looks like, of the known continent, or at least, I don't know, make a roll for it. You're smarter than me.

58:53History? Yeah.

58:54Fifteen total. Oh, perfect. Yeah, you know it. That's the the continent that we are currently on, and you have actually been across a good portion of it in your chasing of Dracula. Now, this is what we have so far, and then he has the pins that he is putting in. We have been attacked here, here, and here in the open, in the middle of the day by daywalkers. A new type of demon that Dracula has produced. We don't know how to fight them. We are out of our element. It's a new creature.

59:32Impossible. You must be mistaken. There's only one daywalker, and that's Blade, and he's on our side.

59:37That's what we thought as well, and we thought we had the upper hand with him, but this is no longer the case. Several of our best slayers have been cut down in the streets in the middle of the day, while some man is just selling trinkets on the side of the road, and then they spill out all over the place. I don't know if that's a coincidence, but he's been at every location. He's having a hell of a week.

From 60:00

60:00And so you've come to us. Trevor Belmont and my companion Sister Brother.

60:07Oh, I mean Abraham Van Helsing. Yes, it is I, uh Van Helsing, surprised, aren't you?

60:14No, because I read the letter and it said who you are and who you're coming with. So no, I'm not surprised.

60:22We have some demands. Belmont starts with Firstly, we will remove the excommunication from Van Helsing upon successful completion of this mission. And in the meantime, he will receive aid from any religious safe house you have available.

60:38We can do that, much to my dismay, but we are in a bit of a pickle, and so yes, those demands shall be met.

60:48Secondly, lots of money. Now back in the day I used to do this for the good of the people, but you people are terrible. Literally, how much money do you spend on this cathedral to God? Meanwhile, people outside are picking grapes and smashing them with their feet until they blister. The community's suffering, the the people are miserable. I know you have money stored away, and I want a cut of that so that I can give it back.

61:10Fair enough. Do you have a percentage in mind for what you wish to be paid?

61:17I like lean over to Fen Helsing, I'm like, he's talking percentages. I was just gonna ask for like 100 gold or something. This is even better than we thought. What do what do we do?

61:25You lost me at percentage. That is a word I have not heard. What what what exactly does it mean? Like if I have a sandwich and I give you half, that's like five percent? What if I just give you a tomato?

61:38We'll take twenty percent of what's in your vaults um to be distributed to the people.

61:46And then uh without even hesitation, he's like very well, and then reaches into his little hand sleeve there and pulls out a scroll and whiffs it out, and it's already like a signed up contract, already done up.

61:58He crosses out 40% and like writes in 20. An initial sentence.

62:04Yes, exactly. That's what happens. It's in the podcast. Ooh, it seems we made a deal, because look at that, he changed a thing and then put another thing, so I think we won up them on this one, my boy.

62:16Yes, there's no defeating the deaf monks in negotiation or combat, my friend. Lastly, Mr. Littlefinger Man, I'm going to need a number of these relics. I'm sure many of these are are what, wholly imbued or something to the effect Daylight Enlightened, perhaps that we can use.

62:35Yes. Feel free to look around and take what you wish. If you are not successful, I doubt any of this will be here for much longer anyways, so please take what you want.

62:46Say less, my friend. Very well. I'm just gonna start cramming as much as I can grab. Anything anything interesting catch uh Belmont's eye. He he is used to like weapons, artifacts, so he would have an eye for Yeah, one second.

63:01Let me just roll. Ooh. There are actually ten things that catch your eye, and I will make up some random list for you, but I'm gonna say so yeah, let's do half weapons, so five weapons, and then let's do three magic scrolls and then two armor pieces that you grab. I'm gonna say that you need to [expletive] look at 'em for a while and [expletive] Yeah, study.

63:28Yeah, that sounds good. Van Hennessing, do you s do any of these catch your eye? Is there anything specific that you're looking for?

63:34There was only one thing that caught my eye, and that was like, where's he hiding that scroll, you know? Like, what's going on here? So I want that quill.

63:45The one he was writing the contract with?

63:48Yes, it's it's probably magical. And I want it for my collection.

63:53I'm gonna look at the like little finger guy and the contact and just be like, is it? Like [expletive] my head without saying anything.

64:00And then you see him sigh again, and he's like, Oh, it's my favorite quill. And he just kind of tosses it over to Van Helsing. And it is magical, and I'll give it some random magical property later on.

64:15See, we're not hard to please, and we're people of the people, you know, if that makes any sense at all, which it probably did. Now listen, there's something you were missing here. Look at this map, look at all the points you are attacking or you were attacked at.

64:28Yes. Is there some pattern that I haven't seen before?

64:32Exactly. And I throw my dagger and it's like, all these points are converging around this one point, and then my dagger like hits into like a little spot.

64:41Okay, and in that spot, that is a like swamp land area that is like kind of it's no directly in the center, and it kind of almost makes these pins now that you're really looking at it, you know, give me a roll just to see. What kind of roll? Uh what are we an investigation or it is a fourteen? Oh, that's enough. You can see that these pins lined up almost make like a really rudimentary pentagram. And then now in the very center is your dagger now in this swampland area.

From 65:00

65:15You see, they're they're encircling, they're they're creating ley lines that outline this pentagram, and in the center here is probably the focus of whatever they're after. Now what that is, to you would you perhaps know what what that could be?

65:29I would have to research my books. I can't believe that I have missed something like this. It seems so easy now that you bring it in front of my eyes. I have hope now that you too well at least you he looks over and Van Helsing's like twiddling his like quill and like tickling himself with and he's like Well that at least you might be able to help us in our matters. But as far as I know, there used to be some ancient, ancient ruins there. But I would have to

66:03Yes, well you delve deeper and then send it to your contacts at these different locations and we can stop in and see if you make any progress. But I think for ourselves and and Van Helsing we should maybe make haste and and locate what exactly they're looking for.

66:18Very well, I can do this for you. Um based on the map and on your current location, it's probably gonna take you about seven days worth of travel to make it to the swampland area. Is there anything else that you require from me before you continue on?

66:34Well, I would like some of that famous wine from your vineyard. You know, you call it blood of Christ, but I call it vino de It's Italian, it's very nice.

66:45It's real Italian. I've never been to Italy per se, but I heard this is all they drink. No water, just the vino. Molto bene.

66:55No, we just need a good meal, some good wine, and perhaps not even a full night's rest, but at least a little bit of rest this evening.

67:02I understand we are on an important mission, and and rest in this very lovely place, I'm sure, is much needed. I am down a whopping five hit points.

67:12Yes, that'd be great. Thank you. Belmont's just gonna like take his stuff and take his leave, uh, and he's gonna go explore uh the building, the architecture a little bit.

67:21Okay. Um he guides you, he stays with you while you go up, and then once you're kind of at the hatch, he closes it and then goes back down to uh start his research on this swampland area. So now you and Van Helsing are here in the main portion of the church. Well to from here. Yes, yes, yes, my boy. I have something to tell you. Okay, I'm all ears and the mustache. Go ahead. That pentagram stuff was total [expletive]. No way, you made that up?

67:53Yes, absolutely. So here's the deal. He is not going to trust us to get the job done. That's very clear, and also kind of warranted. So he will send his own reconnaissance team to that spot. They will get slaughtered and draw in most of the attention of the actual daywalkers as they were. That will allow us an opening to attack their real target.

68:13Oh yes, the old one to sucker punch.

68:17He wasn't wrong. It is a temple, but not in the swamp. Silly.

68:23Oh, you're familiar with this area? What what what could it be? I've never heard of such a thing. Uh I've only been so far and my ex travels only extend, you know, to pubs and opium dens, but what do you think is really out there, my boy?

68:38We don't talk about it much. It was abandoned a long time ago. It used to be a village. It was it was a village created on top of an Indian burial ground, and uh well you can imagine how that went.

68:50Oh, kind of like a pet cemetery. What's that?

68:55It's uh it's a place where you buried your loved ones if your loved ones are small and covered in fur.

69:02Oh yes, that's exactly what it sounds like. These little pygmies basically came out of the ground and killed everybody, and then nobody goes there anymore. It's basically pygmy town. I think we're talking about two different things. I voted both ways.

69:17Have you never had a cat or a dog or you know, a dog or a cat?

69:23You know, I we had beasts that we would capture and and we would, you know, dissect them and then I would learn how to kill them if they were still alive, but uh I wasn't really allowed to have animals around.

69:37Hmm, that's interesting. I'm gonna jot this down because there is nothing better than a kitty cat. Because they are furry, and sometimes they want pets, and then sometimes they're a real [expletive], but I like that kind of relationship.

69:52Oh, I guess we're learning a lot about both of you.

69:55Yes, it's like a romantic Valentine's episode.

69:58Anyway, don't let Littlefinger know. Let's stick with the plan. He'll send his reconnaissance team, I know it, to that central location, and we will go check out the What did you call it? Pet Cemetery?

From 70:00

70:10Yes, that is what we shall call it. Pet cemetery.

70:15Um is there anything else that you want to do inside this church? What do you think, my boy? Do we still stay the night and get rested up, or do we hit the road and just let 'em think that we're a day behind?

70:25I think we go to spend the night but leave in the cover of darkness, so they don't know.

70:30Ooh. That is my second most favorite thing. First being leaving in the daytime so I don't fall in any potholes and twist my ankles.

70:38But second favorite is leaving in the middle of the night.

70:41Excellent.

70:42Before we leave, I want to do one well, before we go up to our chambers that I assume have been laid out for us. Um, I want to tell Van Helsing. It's very important you look at the stained glass. These things always tell stories, and there is always something in here that you didn't know would be here. Like kind of like that little mermaid one we saw where there was a giant penis.

71:02Oh yes.

71:03Or the hidden Mickeys at Disneyland.

71:08Wait, are there hidden Mickeys?

71:10Yeah, there's hidden Mickeys.

71:11Uh we'll have to talk about that. I don't know. I don't know. Okay.

71:14On the next episode. Hidden Mickeys. Where are they? What's their purpose? Who put them there? Is it run by the Nazis?

71:23Uh anyw, do I see I just want to do um I don't know, what do you want me, investigation or an insight or something?

71:28Or I want something different than investigation.

71:31You can give me a religion. I I do have a super high religion. It's a Nat 20. Tell me if there is anything amazing hidden or any like stories being told through these stained glass.

71:45Yes. On the one side, I'm gonna say the east and there's a west. So on the east side, it is actually the tale of how Blade came to be in this church, and every panel is showing different steps in the process of uh a lady being bitten by a vampire at night and giving birth in the day, and then Blade is growing up, he's a small child and he excels at everything, he's attacking [expletive]. But then on the other side, it shows that there was another child, but this one wasn't quite the same. And in every portion of the stained glass, this child has like a cloak kind of half wrapped over their face. They're not tolerant of sunlight, it seems like, as well as blade kind of deal.

71:45Like they're covered like uh like a burqa kind of deal. And it shows them doing the same thing, and then at the end, there's a uh like a fight kind of deal between him and Blade, and they both survive based on the stained glass. There's a lot of stained glass here, a lot of hallways, a lot of pictures going on. You're getting a lot of information from this. And he, the covered one, just continues to walk off while Blade stands there looking heroic and majestic at the church here.

73:02Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Van Helsing? Yes. There's a lot of blade. I'm tired of Blade. It's always Blade this, Blade that. I'm I'm so sick of it. Plus, with all this stained glass in here, it doesn't let in enough natural light.

73:15And that's what I need to do my best disguises.

73:18Oh, you beat me to it. This church is so far up Blade's [expletive] that they dedicated numerous hallways and every one of these stained murals over to him. It's unbelievable. Not a single story about the Belmont clan and the numerous deeds that they've done for these people. Unbelievable.

73:34Nothing at all. And look at this one, it's all been scratched up.

73:38It's like the last frame.

73:39Like Yeah, the very last one it is. Like uh, it looks like somebody was trying to remove information, so they just kind of scraped it and scratched it up, so it just almost looks like different multicolored opaque glass.

73:53Unbelievable. How many pounds of gold has been spent on this architecture, and they still failed to restore some of the most important pieces of these relics, even if it is about blade.

74:02It just shows where where they stand with things money hungry, really, I think.

74:07You say like clutching like your quill and like bag of gold that they came with.

74:12Patting it like I'm patting my belly, like yes.

74:16Money hungry.

74:17Disgusting. I am hungry. Feeling a little bit potched, especially after dealing with those cannibal children. Hopefully there's food in the room.

74:25Yeah, and with that, um, I've done everything I wanted to as Belmont. So I'm down to go to dinner or up to my room or wherever you uh care to lead us.

74:33Okay. And um, so we wander around a little bit, and I think we've been wandering by ourselves for too long because somebody comes and finds us. Um, they don't talk or anything. They kind of just like nod at you and like give you the hand, like, come follow me. And then they lead us down a hallway and then points on both sides of each hallway, left and right. And these are our rooms where we will be staying for the night.

74:59Are you comfortable staying in your own room? I know it's been a long time since we didn't share a room. I know you have those night terrors.

From 75:00

75:06I think I'll manage for the night. They want to keep us split up for one reason or another. So maybe be on guard. Ooh, is that a French word? On guard? I don't know. But let's be that. Let's be French.

75:20Awesome. I'm also kind of imagining like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, where like we're gonna like go through a bookcase and into like an under like Aliba. Next episode of D Hunters.

75:34Yeah, it could happen. It could happen.

75:37Is that where we want to leave it for tonight, or do you have a little bit more plan?

75:40I think so. That's all I have prepared for tonight. And so for next time, I need to get you your magic items, uh, whatever the [expletive] my magic quill's gonna do. And then I have a general idea of where I'm taking us. But with anything that we do, I like to do the other stuff, the random made-up stuff.

75:58Well, hopefully I didn't blow you up too much by totally changing the location on the map. No, you're fine. That was great. Thanks a lot, Nate. Uh happy Valentine's Day, man. Hope you're feeling loved in your new home.

76:11Oh, you too, man. And I think I am. We're short on space right now, so Roscoe's been sleeping in the same bed with me and Megan. And when I woke up at three this morning, like I always do, he like rolled over and he's like, I love you, Dad. And I was like, Oh, I love you too. Now [expletive] go back to sleep.

76:28Do you forgive him for eating all your ravioli now?

76:31Never. The way his eyes looked at me as he had that mouthful of delicious pasta, I'll never forget that. I'll be on my deathbed and I'll be like, Remember when you were three years old, my bones hurt, but you stole my ravioli, you son of a [expletive].

76:48Clearly, I'll be talking like Van Helsing when you're 90 years old.

76:51Who knows? I'll probably get the dementia and we'll rattle off all my characters just in my deathbed.

76:57That would be terrifying.

76:59The poor orderly, I can only imagine.

77:02You're just doing like penguin and sister brother, and just a bunch of like nobody knows who these characters are.

77:08I'm hoping that they're like, this guy has lived the most interesting life. He's been on adventures.

77:17Awesome. Well, thank you so much for listening. Uh, if you are enjoying the show, feel free to leave us a review, a comment, whatever you'd like, and we will talk to you next week.

77:27And also don't forget, come and see us at Wawa WestCon in Tucson if you are there.

77:32Yep, March 5th. See you there.

77:34Bye.