Paradigm for Your Thoughts

From 0:00

0:15Hello and welcome back to the Daft Monks podcast. Sorry for the long hiatus, but we are back, I promise you. Nate, what is on the agenda today?

0:24No agenda today, Nate. We're just happy to be here and trying to get an episode out at least once every nine months.

0:31A blue moon, I think, is the accurate measurement in which we get an episode out. I don't know what that is, but that's what it feels like.

0:39I recently went and like just updated some of our stuff on like the like the websites and the Apple Podcasts and Spotify and stuff, and and then we still had the setting of like weekly, and I was like, I'm gonna change that to semi-regular, which is still a big lie. But uh Nate, what's what's going on in your life? How are things?

1:00Things couldn't be better. I'm currently just going day to day, wondering when it's all gonna end. But other than that, it's going [expletive] great. It's just the same stuff over and over. It's you know, just counting the days down until the podcast make it so big, and then I don't have to do line work anymore.

1:21Yeah, don't uh don't hold your breath, Nate.

1:25How about you, Nate? What are you doing?

1:27Gosh, well, uh I was talking all about moving, I think before, you know, our last episode recorded, and then we moved. I moved, that's been cool. Nice big old house. Been furnishing it like slowly room by room.

1:41When I first showed up to your old house, I was highly disappointed because it just looked like somewhere I would live. And I'm like, hmm, I don't think Nate's really gay. Yeah, he's gaslighting me. I don't know why he's doing it, but he's doing it.

1:56I was really excited. There was that time you almost came and visited, and you did technically, but but I I remember distinctly, I'm gonna give you a little bit of [expletive] because the night before you're like, Oh, we'll swing by tomorrow. I was like, cool. And then I wake up at like maybe something reasonable time, like eight or nine. You're like, Yeah, I can't buy at seven, you weren't here. We left. I was like, What? You didn't tell me you were coming at 7 a.m. You gave me no indication when you would be here. But it wasn't great anyway. We had like his cousins like visiting and like kids and stuff. It's hilarious that you drove by. I was like, yeah, it lives here, bye.

2:23I think more than anything, Megan just wanted to see the house. She's like, Yep, saw it, let's go. Okay. Good enough for me, I guess.

2:33My friend's in there asleep, but okay.

2:40No, it's like perfect us fashion, like good intentions, but zero, like no prep whatsoever. Yeah. Um, but no, I miss you, bro. I'm so glad to be recording again. Uh, I hear you. Like uh adulthood just keeps on keeping on.

2:56Yep, it's like a semi that's just moving, but I was trying to hang on and I fell off, but now a rope wrapped around my ankle and now it's just dragging me behind.

3:07That's gotta be in like one of our 80s movies.

3:09I feel like this guy's gotta be the one where he's like, it was in every [expletive] 80s movie. I had the kids watch a maximum overdrive. I forgot how much gore is in that movie. What a [expletive] mistake that was. Corbin thought it was hilarious, but Roscoe was not prepared for the baseball scene when there's little leaguers out there playing ball and a [expletive] steamroller comes over the fence and just runs them over. So I tried remedying the situation really quick, and I'm like, well, the grass was soft, Roscoe, so he probably survived. And immediately after Corbin was like, nope, he's dead.

3:44Corbin's like, exactly 236 bones were crushed. He's like the worst person to try to like talk your child out of trauma.

3:52Oh yeah, it it was awful. But we we finished it. It was good.

4:01That's great. Look forward to hearing about the therapy sessions that come later.

4:05Oh, yeah, I'm sure it's gonna happen. What can you do? He'll turn it into some kind of weird sense of humor and then make people laugh, but on the inside he's crying.

4:13So that's a mood right there. Oh, as the children would say. It's a vibe. Before he got ran over by a steamroller. Anyway, Nate, so many things came or came and went while we were on hiatus. Uh the Avatar Live Action Series uh was one of them. I don't know if we got to talk about that.

4:32No, it wasn't bad. The only thing I was disappointed in was the casting. But you know, it's a new day and age.

4:40The only thing I hated was the people in every single episode. Otherwise, it's great.

4:46Other than that, [expletive] awesome.

4:48Fat May.

4:49Yeah.

4:50Like, we're not fat phobic, but like Mei throws daggers. She's tall and lanky, which is like a reflection of like her fighting style. Whereas like Ty Lee, right, is like dainty and flowery and does acrobatics.

From 5:00

5:04Yeah.

5:04Um, because that like aligns with whatever style martial arts she does. Mei wasn't fat for a reason. It didn't like match her like aesthetic or whatever. Like, I don't mind fat characters. It just, you know, it'd be like making making Aang a 58-year-old man. Like that's he acts though he does because he's a child. Like, you know, May is agile and negative, like she's barely engaged with life. I'm sure she doesn't even care for food.

5:27Yeah.

5:28So I was just like, I mean, that's obviously the most like extreme, but there's yeah, with the casting, there's just a lot of things where I'm like, I don't like I don't hate it. I just Right.

5:36I don't see where they went with it. Like you said, like she has a very like sly, like stab you in the back kind of well, and she's like she smiles at times.

5:47Yeah. It's like this is an error of it. Disgusting.

5:50It's like stop it.

5:52I will say, like, really loved that they casted a lot of like Pacific Islanders, like a lot of Indonesian, like that that part was awesome.

5:59Yep.

5:59The good news is, right, it doesn't take 17 dance moves to move a pebble.

6:03Like and like you said, with casting different types of people, M. Night Shamala went the total opposite route. Like, this isn't even [expletive] close.

6:12Like, what are we doing here? There's like literally like those like knockoff movies that are the same as extra movies. That's exactly what it was. Persona, the last like windfighter, you know, would be like, yeah, this works.

6:27Anything else you want to talk about, Nate? Like uh the Mad Max movie. I don't know if you saw that. I thought that was good.

6:33Oh no, I haven't seen that. The only thing I've been watching a lot lately are these really weird horror movies, but it's by the same producers. So they did a one called Spring, and then one called like the Endless, and it's these two dudes. It's not that interesting to actually bring up their names and [expletive], but like I've been getting really into them because they're more cerebral. Are any of them related or are they just by the same creators and just different just by the same creators, and then they use a lot of the same actors in each one?

6:33So we watched like two back-to-back, uh, I forget what the one was the name of it, but it was basically just this guy's girlfriend left him in a alone in his house, and she's been gone for a month, but then every night at midnight a monster attacks him, and then like how I say it's cerebral, she comes back, and then the whole rest of the movie is them just working out their relationship, and they get to a good point where he's singing karaoke, and in the middle of his [expletive] song, the monster breaks in and attacks him. Man, I was laughing so bad. It jump scared me, but then I was laughing because we completely forgot about the monster for at least 35 [expletive] minutes.

6:33And then that monster was like, hey [expletive], I'm still around. Bam.

7:50I mean, you have such a good way of like putting a fun comedic like spin on everything. Like, I wonder if that's like just really out there if I tried to watch it, or if I would like find the same like like value and like entertainment out of it.

8:03Um, probably not because I like some weird ones. And I look at I'm more of a diamond in the rough kind of guy when it comes to horror movies. So like I like the redeeming qualities of it. But the Endless, uh, you might like that one because that one's very uh Call of Cthulhu style. Spring, that one was I don't think you would like that one because I will go ahead and ruin it.

8:25Let's be honest, I'm not gonna watch this show.

8:27You're not gonna watch it. But if we're talking about spring, so here's this guy, he's down on his luck, his dad dies. Oh man, that sucks. And then we start the movie with his mom dying of cancer, and then she dies immediately, the first three minutes of the movie. So he's like, Oh man, I got nothing left. So then he defends himself in a bar fight from a guy who's being a real [expletive] and beats the [expletive] out of him. And then come to find out that guy is actually a [expletive] too, because he follows him to his house and then calls the cops on him to press charges. So this guy, down on his luck, is like, I'm gonna have to leave town. But instead of just leaving town, he leaves the country.

8:27He's going to Italy because white people love Italy for some reason. And they even mention that in the show. So he goes to Italy. Um, he does something that I would never do in my entire life, where he meets two random strangers and they're like, Hey, we're gonna go to this small coastal town. You wanna come with us? And he's like, [expletive] yeah, new best friends. So then they drive and do drugs together with two [expletive] strangers. It's a great time for him. Uh, he meets a lovely lady. Uh, turns out she's an immortal monster, but he doesn't care, anyways. He's gonna make her fall in love with him.

9:36Tales all this time.

9:37Yep, seen it once, he's seen it a thousand [expletive] times. So throughout the story, he doesn't know she's a monster yet, but then we get there, she has to inject herself, she's doing all kinds of weird [expletive] [expletive]. And then they do a backstory where the backstory is not bad on the monster, she's just an immortal broad from like Pompeii [expletive] days. And uh, for some reason she has something wrong with her, where if she gets pregnant and then her body absorbs the unborn child, and then she can keep living by replacing her cells.

9:37And only if she falls in love, Nate, will the immortality stop because she figured it out or some [expletive], and so it won't eat the baby cells, it'll eat her cells, and then she'll just have a normal life from here on out. And then we get to the end of the movie and they fall in love, and now they're just two mortal people, even though the [expletive] totally committed a murder by chopping a guy's [expletive] off back in the small coastal town, but they're just gonna live their best [expletive] life from here on out, you know? So that was pretty much the movie.

From 10:00

10:43Spring, check it out. We love a happy ending.

10:47They were in love, it was the best ending.

10:51Amazing. I love your summaries of these movies better than the movies.

10:56I'm all you need.

10:58Let's dive in. Do you kind of remember what we said we would do this episode?

11:03Maybe I I got it on I had it on WhatsApp. What's up?

11:06Yeah. Study guide. Yeah, we're gonna leave this in, guys. Like this is we have we have a three-text uh back and forth conversation that will uh essentially be our outline.

11:19Yes.

11:19And then we won't do any of it anyways.

11:21Oh no, I'll follow the first two sentences and then we'll get off the rails.

11:25I knew from the very first time where I gave you like a three bullet like line for our our Patreon promotion video, which is only like 90 seconds. I asked you to say three things, and it was literally like those skits where you were like, you said what number one and number three, but not number two, or you do like number one, number two, or you would say none of them, but you could not possibly just say the three things I wanted you to say. It was so hard. Only a dollar, something else, and something else, and you just and like you melt it down. Yeah, like the more I asked you, I was like, the more you just like I think I ended up then.

11:25We just recorded you going on a rant about why you couldn't remember the three bullets, and then I just put that.

12:03Yeah, it was on the Patreon.

12:04It was great. Classic.

12:06I would never do commercials. Like they'd want to direct me, and I'd be like, I do one thing and one thing only, and that's [expletive] wing it.

12:12It's like when an immovable object collides with an unstoppable force, and the immovable object is the script, and the unstoppable force is anything you do while on recording.

12:23I suck. Are you gonna do the conspiracy board thing?

12:29I don't know if you've noticed in the previous episodes, it's very heavily edited because I'm like, we're trying to remember what happened, and it sounds really horrible. So then it's like me like piecing every third chip together, and it sounds [expletive]. It sounds like chapped. That never aired name. We have that. I have that in the archive, and that's a that's a bit from an episode we never aired. Oh, like yeah. The the Batman uh match game.

12:58Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.

13:00Yeah, I have it, and that was right before we never recorded again after that. It was another one of those episodes that pushed you over the limit and you were done. I'm gonna dig that up, man. I'll send that to you. I'll go find it.

13:16Contestant number three, meow. Okay, I know who this [expletive] [expletive] is.

13:36Reality's a dream. We've been watching from the Cine devil. We can never leave. Another state of mind, rockin' with a bad monks. Let's take a deep dive. We got a live body, yeah. We the deaf monks. Living as an avatar, living as an avatar, healing up my battle scar, killing up my battle scars. Corruption left the planet dark. So we plugged in like we had to charge.

14:11Last time on Dap Monks. We go for a joyride and pick up Ash's truck. I think it's cool, but then I realize that's not his vehicle, and actually he uses an earthbound truck that looks pretty beat up, but he's pretty proud about it. We go and meet Pam, or was her name something else? I think we constantly oscillate between two names, but that's fine. Unfortunately, it's not long before we drive over her body and realize she's already been found by none other than Midas Underbite.

14:38Russian assassin.

14:40Why are they always Russian?

14:42Because you do great women Russian voices.

14:48No, uh, Midas Underbite, the headhunter, uh cast by Beacon Group to find Ash and Roy. We escape by the skin of our teeth,

14:59but also mostly from the help of a mysterious entity called Dante. No, Inferno. As Dante's Inferno. We're very creative here. We narrowly escape, but sadly, Ash's truck is a disarray. What does it all mean?

From 15:00

15:14Look at Roy. How far is it to this [expletive] place? Because I don't know how much more I can take of this. At one point, you were starting to throw pieces of my truck at that large woman, and I needed those pieces, Roy. I paid money for those pieces on my truck, and you threw them at that lady. Like, I I appreciate what you were doing.

15:37It sounds like you're not appreciating it. I'm sorry I threw your tools that you're bizarrely referring to as pieces right now.

15:43Well, they're they're part of the truck, and they were individual pieces because each tool is a piece that costs money. And between this stress and I'm pretty sure the truck's leaning to the left a little bit because I've been pulling the steering wheel hard right for the last half mile. When's our [expletive] exit ramp? That's all I'm asking you.

16:01You're looking at the map, where are we going? I'm using some kind of like, I don't know, it's like a holographic plate that is a map somehow that's interactive, but it's like obviously we don't have the holo watch or any other technology infotainment center. We don't even have [expletive] like Apple CarPlay or Android.

16:17It's a cassette player with a [expletive] cord coming out of it to plug a CD player into it.

16:24And as uh basically Roy's looking at this thing, kind of like zooming in, zooming out, it pretty much clearly doesn't know. And then as we hear that, you hear like a loud thud, uh, a large cloud of black smoke um comes from uh the front of the vehicle. There's no hood on it, really, so we can literally just see it coming out from the engine, and the car starts to slow down. And I'm like, um, I think it's this next exit, Ash.

16:48I just start hitting my head on the steering wheel and then slowly drift over. I'm hitting the accelerator, but it's not doing anything, and we're coasting off the exit ramp.

17:01Hey, at least we got this like sweet new sunroof to stay cool.

17:04Yeah, that's a a great accessory that we have, Roy. That is really cheering me up. Thank you for that.

17:11I just imagine cars are like driving by us and staring, but they don't stop. Uh listen, Ash, I know you're frustrated, but there's not exactly a [expletive] inferno pin on this map, okay? Like, how do we even know where we're going or like that this is the correct direction?

17:24I don't [expletive] know. He sent that email, man. And oh, hold on. No, this is the right place. And then like he looks over at the exit sign and there's a small like little fire on it. And I'm like, I'm sure that's [expletive] it.

17:37Um you know the airport icon that it's like planes or like a parking garage has like the structure. Like it's just like a fire icon.

17:44Like that time I still got lost trying to follow directions at the casino.

17:52But like literally, it was either pull to the very front of the building or go inside a building, and you somehow ended up doing the other one.

18:01Okay, Roy, the sign is clearly saying this way, so I think we should go the other way. No, seriously.

18:08And I'm still confused. Is this guy related to Dante? Is he Dante? Why is he going by a new name? He sounded just like Dante, but I also saw that video where he kept saying he was dead over and over again.

18:20Well, you get this a lot in the jingle business, Roy.

18:23One of these days I want to learn more about your jingle business.

18:26Alright, so, anyways.

18:29Okay, so as we like cut, we like coast off the exit and thing, but I want to say it's like some random, like, you know, Casagran in the middle of nowhere, like there's just like a gas station, if gas is even still a thing, which it is for your truck, and then there's like a warehouse like way down the road. And I'm like, do you think it's that building?

18:49I hope so. Because either way, we're gonna have to stop because I'm getting little lights on my dashboard here that I've never [expletive] seen before.

18:58I didn't even know they existed. So I I just want to imagine for a sec, because if you if we recall now, both your front wheel shield is destroy is gone, your back rear view windshield is gone, the hood of your car was ripped off. There is like a can opener round circle cut out of on like the roof of your car.

19:19Sounds accurate.

19:20I think like they literally your thing barely looks like a vehicle anymore, and you're still like relying on the check engine light in your vehicle to say that something's wrong.

19:29I'm a simple man, Roy. Okay, when something tells me it's wrong, I acknowledge it. And this blinking light right here with a skull and crossbones, I swear they don't really come with that, but that is what's flashing right now on my dash.

19:45Alright, so I want to say it like stops as we get close to the gas station. So obviously we don't make it all the way to the warehouse, but we're like, okay, well, like maybe we could is it out of gas or is this [expletive] just like done?

19:57Yeah, let's just park it here at the gas station. I throw it in park. Park it. We hop out, and then uh the [expletive] tires fall off of it. And then I get down on my knees in the sand, and then lay down belly first, now in the sand, and I'm basically doing face-down snow angels just in the dirt, uh, tears welling up in my eyes.

From 20:00

20:25It's just a truck, Ash. It's gonna be okay. And then I look over and I'm like, Oh, you want snacks?

20:32Out of the gas station, an elderly gentleman comes out. Oh, hello, boys. We don't get much visitors around here.

20:40Oh, oh dear. That truck seems like it's seen some better days. Yes. Thank you. What's your friend doing laying in the dirt there?

20:51Oh, uh, he's just been through uh a rough morning, we'll we'll call it. Um listen, I know this will sound a little absurd, but um truck aside, we we probably could use a toe, but even more importantly, we're looking for some person who goes by the moniker uh inferno.

21:07Does that ring any bells?

21:08Oh, you're gonna have to speak up just a a little bit louder. I uh I can't hear that well. You see, my robotic implants took a [expletive].

21:19Also, I know I'm not just like you have only one, like I only have Russian female voice. Your one old man is already giving me flashbacks to that town we were in. You know what I'm talking about? For the two-part calling, I still hear you.

21:37I can't not see that guy.

21:39That's fine.

21:40It's the same guy. We have the like uh the movies I was talking about, we have the same actors in all of our movies. It's the same old man, just a different costume.

21:54Um anyway, I'm like, I get closer to him. And then like this time I can see like a a really silly device on like one side of his head. So I assume that's the one like the hearing aid. I'm like we're looking for somebody named Dante, or sorry, we're looking for somebody named Inferno or and or a toe. Can you help us? Muscle signing for some reason.

22:16Well, you don't have to talk to me like I'm an idiot. I can hear you perfectly fine.

22:21Now, if you're looking for Inferno, his real name's Ryan. He lives in that building over there. He's my grandson. He doesn't get out much.

22:34Oh, wow. Okay. Well, that's really helpful, Ryan's grandfather. Thank you.

22:38Well, you better not call him Ryan. He'll have a [expletive] connection.

22:46Why? Just last night I said, Ryan, come in for dinner. And he started yelling at me, saying, [expletive] you, old man. You know my name's Inferno. And I said, I'm I'm so confused, Ryan. Where did we go wrong?

23:00I look over and you're just already walking ashes like halfway through the through. Like, well, thank you very much. This has been very helpful. I hand him my like gummy bears that I got from the gas station, and uh I'm like, uh, can you just keep an eye on our truck for us? We're gonna come back for that for sure.

23:17Yeah, I'll go ahead and call you a toe.

23:19Wow, we cannot be any more grateful. Um, we will find a way to compensate you that is probably not in a monetary fashion.

23:26That's fine. I'm used to it. Inferno doesn't pay for [expletive] around here. Like I've already walked. He's just talking to himself now. God, I don't know where I went wrong with that boy.

23:46Anyway. So Roy does his like corporate jog thing where he like comes up and then slows his face. He's like, man, that's uh that's amazing luck, isn't that? His grandfather, what a sweet old man.

24:00Oh yeah, Roy, that's the first thing that I noticed when my truck fell apart. Is like, what a nice elderly gentleman is greeting us here at this decrepit gas station in the middle of [expletive] nowhere. That's the the first thing I thought.

24:15Roy gets in front of you, like like walks in front of you and stops, and he's like, Listen, we need to clear the negativity here. I know you're frustrated about that truck. It was a piece of [expletive]. And now it's even worse, and I'm sorry. We're gonna fix it. The old man's calling a toe. But right now, we need to do a jingle. We need to get you back on track, because I'm not gonna live like this. Okay, we got everybody against us, all we got is each other, and now you're literally just tearing us down. It's not cool.

24:43Alright, yeah. You're right. We got other things to worry about than my truck, which I loved. And now that I'm looking back at it, the old man's sitting in it and pretending to drive. That's basically his hands up there, like he's like, pretending to steer the wheel. The steering wheel falls off, and he's like, Oh. Tries putting it back. I'm like, oh You're right, Roy. You're right. It's just a truck at this point, it's just a heap of metal. Like, let's let's move on. All right.

From 25:00

25:11Thanks. Thanks, Ash.

25:13You're welcome. After I said piece of [expletive], the old man's like, Are you guys talking about Ryan? Yeah, I think so too.

25:21Like, why can we hear him so well? We're already like the quarters of a mile. He's got a megaphone out. This is how I get Ryan to come home for dinner.

25:31I'm lonely.

25:35So flash forward, we we get to this building. It looks like uh like a Funko Pop warehouse, which they have one of those Buckeye, by the way. Fun fact. I'm not gone, but I'm like, you have nothing here except one karaoke bar and a Funko Pop warehouse. Anywho, this place is like, despite being in the middle of nowhere, you'd expect it to be like nondescript, kind of just concrete. But it looks like an Alice in Wonderland, like anime explosion, blue-up. Like it is using like neon colors. It has like Japanese or other foreign or seemingly Asian characters all over it. And it just like has like like posters of stuff on the outside. It makes no sense. It's it's very flamboyant, very animated.

25:35Um, it almost looks like a an old Disney attraction out in the middle of nowhere.

26:28Well, I know this is the first time I'm telling you this, Roy, but when people have this weird anime cyberpunk aesthetic in in the times nowadays, it just it's cheap. You know? It's [expletive] cheap.

26:49That's the ash I know. I'm glad you're feeling better, buddy.

26:52Alright, let's go inside. Don't knock over any of his dolls.

26:56Yeah, I want to say so. We open it and immediately there's like two like knockoff like pocket monster like statues uh that just look absolutely ridiculous. Like, if it wasn't for the fact that like maybe we recognize the pop culture as referencing, we'd be like, this is a phallus with like giant anime eyes, like you know, um one of those pillows with the boobs. Yeah, yeah, definitely. There's like a gift shop. Like, why is there a gift shop here? Nobody's coming here. Um, and it's just like it's like little like like cartoon flames and stuff. It's like this guy's got an entire franchise, Ash. This is wild. If we could do this with the podcast, I mean with anything.

27:37Oh, then it would be great, I know. But like, where is he? Like, and are we just gonna keep following this maze? Or like how long before he and then the lights go out?

27:49Welcome!

27:50Welcome, travelers. Oh my god, Roy. I'm going back to the truck. Yeah.

27:56You start to turn around, but then you hear like the distinct click of the locks. You're not going anywhere yet. Welcome. I am Ryan. We know your grandfather told us.

28:09Now don't you call me that? I'm Inferno. That is my moniker. That is what I go by. Now, come into my lair.

28:19He calls it a lair, Roy. I'm not going in there.

28:24Listen, we gotta, alright? One, he saved our life. We owe him a thank you at the bare minimum. But also, we need an ally. If you've noticed, things are not going well. And the last ally I had had nail tech, nail tech sticking out of her chest that you drove further into her chest by riding your vehicle on top of her. The least we can do is hear this guy out.

28:44That's true. And it was like her birthday, right? I think that's awful. You know, you gotta look at these things like glass half full, you know. At least I'm not getting murdered on my birthday.

28:55Yeah, at least she's not making you warm her banana in your throat or whatever that scenario was.

29:01Are you guys coming or not?

29:04Sorry, yes, yes. Which of the many doors do we take? There's one that says fate, one that says destiny, and one that says girlfriends.

29:13Don't go in the girlfriends one. That's private. Come into the destiny one, please.

29:22He's nervous. If you could hear sweating on a PA system, we'd be hearing it.

29:31I was like, well, that doesn't sound suspicious at all, and I just keep walking towards the destiny door, and it just like figures that like whatever futuristic like oh airlock doors like unseal, and uh a bright light like kind of blinds us for a moment, and then we look and we're like, Whoa.

29:48This guy has a lot of money, Roy. And a lot of free time, Ash. Yes, I can tell. I've seen this before in The Matrix when they're like loading up all their gear. Like, why do you need white fluorescent lights on the floor and the walls and the ceiling? Like, what are you what are you hiding in there? Are you keeping cockroaches out? This looks like the kind of person who has cockroaches, Roy.

From 30:00

30:10It's just graceful, Ash, you know. Like, this money could be invested in actual real positive change for people. We could be improving the environment or like, you know, clearing the oceans, or at least the, you know, the the the lake over by the the piers that we were at like nine months ago, but actually canonically like 90 minutes ago.

30:29I can hear you guys. I'm sitting right here.

30:33Sorry, sorry, it's just it's a lot to take in, Ryan. I mean uh inferno. Inferno! Yes, where listen, uh, where are you? I can't even see you. There's so much like fluorescent lighting going on, and like my eyes kind of hurt.

30:45Like, what's where are you? I am here.

30:47And he spins around in a chair.

30:51And what does he look like?

30:53Uh I'm gonna say he's approximately five foot tall, maybe 240 pounds of greasiness. It's your typical cliche uh Reddit moderator, as Corbin would say. Um, neck beard, uh pimple line. He looks rough. Oof. Uh yeah, did you smell that when we walked in here, Run?

31:17Yeah, like when he spun the chair, like oh I got like wafted or like a like a gust of wind.

31:23It was like Doritos and hot dogs just right in your face.

31:27See, if he had just spent some of the money instead of on this flashing lighting and all of the equipment on, you know, basic hygiene, maybe like shower test.

31:35Let me get straight to why you're here. You can stop right there. I'll I'll let you know.

31:41You may be wondering why I saved your lives. Cause I did. Nope. Wasn't wondering. You were. I can see it in your eyes. Alright. Carry on. Now I need you guys to look at this. And he starts playing a tape, a video hologram. And it's the same morning that I was walking briskly to work and there's a car accident. And then a car clips another car into a van, and there's an explosion, and I've seen it before. Roy, have you seen this before? This was the morning I was walking to work.

32:17Looks like a really bad car accident, guys. I don't know. This is why it's probably not safe to take land-bound, earthbound vehicles. But also, could you play that again a bit like slower? You got it.

32:27Now he rewinds it and he starts showing the clip again, but now he's explaining it as he's going. You may be wondering why I'm showing you this. This is where Dante was murdered. Who's that? He was my predecessor. He he taught me everything I knew. He was like a a Jedi, and I'm his Padawan, kind of deal.

32:49Oh, you met him.

32:50No, I I never met him face to face. We talked on message boards a lot.

32:54Oh, okay. So your mentor of sorts. Uh-huh. He's the guy with the bus? The bus sets on fire? He's in the bus.

33:02No, he was in the van. The van that rolled over and then burst into flames. And then you could see a person screaming for help, but then there's like one guy on the sidewalk just yelling at him.

33:12It doesn't make any sense. Oh, yeah, that's awful.

33:15At this point, does Ash at least recognize himself in that video?

33:19Oh yeah. Yeah. He sees himself. He knows he's the guy yelling, but he's not gonna admit to any of that.

33:24Uh I'm gonna say Roy doesn't realize that's Ash, because it's like kind of pixelated. Like he likes so. But he's like, okay, well, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Um, but I mean that bus is the reason that, you know, he crashed into a bus. Like, what or the bus crashed into his van. Like, uh, like what are we gonna do?

33:42Like you may think that to the common man, but let me zoom in and slow down and rewind and do all these things. And he starts clicking away at the keyboard.

33:53And it cuts to, uh, I'll I'll describe it, it kind of cuts to this vehicle that's like swerving into it, and you eventually see that it like obviously makes the bus like pull, like, like, like swerve out of the way and then hit the van and flip over and all that jazz. But at one moment, I'm like, hey, right there, freeze! And he pauses, and you don't see who's driving the vehicle, and it's too pixelated to see the license plate. Um, but like when the vehicle that like causes whole accident swerves a little bit, you can see somebody's holo watch. Like, you just see their wrist in the window, and then you see a holo watch, and then on it it has the like how to find the parking garage.

33:53And like very distinctly for some reason, like that part is very clear, and that's when it clicks just in Roy's head right now. That was like, Oh, but he did like he starts, he goes like, Oh, that was very unfortunate.

34:43Now, I follow a lot of the conspiracy theory stuff. I know you do. Oh, thank you. Um, that car looks like an unmarked corp car, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, yep. You agree?

34:56Yes, you've never been more right than ever, Ash.

34:59Oh, yes. My training is paying off. That is exactly why I'm showing you guys this. My mentor Dante was killed by a corpo assassin, and I fear I may be next.

From 35:00

35:12So I'm doing everything in my power to stop these corpse, you know, and it's you guys are really on to something with what you're doing. And I was told in a message from Dante that they had something.

35:24The corpse had something that was gonna bring an end to civilization itself. Sometimes he was a little dramatic, you know, but what can you do? He is my guy.

35:35I look around at like the little, like, it's giving me very like it's a small world ride with like little animatronic, like, boyfriends and girlfriends, and like Dante's just doing like dances and stuff, and I'm like, yes, Dante was the dramatic one for sir.

35:49Exactly.

35:49Listen, okay, you're 100% right. That had to be uh a corporate assassin. In fact, we are just came from an attack from none other than Midas Thunderbite.

35:58The Russian assassin woman.

36:00Yeah, I mean she didn't speak, but we're just kind of assuming at this point.

36:04Oh man, I follow her on the gram, and man, there is something about her, the big, strong woman that could easily manhandle me.

36:12Oh, I'm a little bit jealous that you guys got to see her face to face. I've only ever seen her on, you know, the the internet.

36:19Yeah, it was pretty impressive. Uh especially the way she literally tore apart my my comrade's vehicle.

36:25Oh. Tell me some more about it.

36:27Are you touching your nipples?

36:30Oh, no, no, sorry, I lost train of thought.

36:33Now, the reason I really brought you here is I need your guys' help. We need to track down who was this assassin in this car.

36:42Now, Ryan, hear me. Inferno! Sorry, Inferno. And I like spin his chair away from like the keyboard that he's using to like. I'm like, listen, who it was doesn't matter. They're just another cog in the corporate scheme. We have to figure out the bigger picture, right? We need to stay focused. What was this thing Dante was investigating? It doesn't matter who drove that vehicle, what time, or you know, if they were an employee of any specific organization or even a supervisor of Synergy. None of that matters at all, Inferno. What matters is something horrible is gonna happen if we don't figure out what Beacon Group is up to.

37:17I'm telling you, this was a hit, a very professional job by the looks of it. This assassin knew exactly what they were doing, clipping Dante like that, and then causing the explosion, and then they were gone in the flash of an eye. Any other person would have been confused by the explosions, but not this person, a legitimate professional just kept driving away.

37:40Yeah. Or maybe he was just lost. Anyway, Roy starts sharing the files that they pulled from the Nail Tech slon. He basically talks about this whole scheme where they're using corpses from the suicide machines to basically feed people. This is just the tip of the iceberg, Inferno. We need to know what's going on. Something something big's coming, and just then a commercial for the Paradigm game comes on the screen, and uh, I'll leave that to you. Where are we gonna get uh the one of those VR lenses?

39:04I'm not buying one, Roy. They look [expletive] dangerous. I heard they start fires. Ryan starts pulling out some papers from his desk. I have to show you guys this. This is on the new lens that they're giving out to people. Obviously, you have to buy it, but you have to have this version to watch the paradigm games. This is the information that Dante died for, and he gave it to me, his best and only friend. Because we're friends, you know.

39:32That's really sad. Yeah. And I mean, do you know if he had other friends?

39:36No, he didn't, I'm sure of it. Now, it turns out these lenses have built-in software that causes them to ignite when a series is entered into them.

39:47Why would they build a product that intentionally combusts?

39:51See, and that's what me and Dante were talking about. Many long nights me and Dante would chat together, not not with a video camera or anything like that, just you know, via text.

From 40:00

40:02And but it was uh it was it's it cuts to like his screen where it's like Ryan is like listen like doing like saying all these theories through like a text like chat interface, and then Inferno's like, yeah, like one-word answers, like kind of like my text into your text to me. Like, yeah, that's funny. Like lol, just l-ol.

40:21Sounds good. Yeah. Now, on this one where he said sounds good, that is where it gets good. Now, I am thinking that the corporations and beacon, we have an overpopulation issue. Everyone knows that. There's too many people. I'm thinking that these corporations are trying to get the public to wear these lens devices, and all at once they will ignite a good portion of them. And then obviously they'll have insurance on it, and they'll make a pretty penny. Oh my god, that's positively sinister. A genocide, some might say. And worse, they may be in conjunction with the crab people. Ash is like, I [expletive] knew it. I knew it, Roy. I told you there's crab people and they're working for the corporations.

41:13Oh wow, we we have to get this to proxy. We have to get this out to the people. If this is true, not the crab people stuff, because that's [expletive]. Like, how are we gonna let an entire city know not to tune in to the most highly anticipated event of the the season?

41:29What with the way the population is, there's there's nothing that would get through to these people except a miracle and maybe a catchy jingle.

41:38Oh my god. Ash, he's wrong about some of it, but he's also right. People are gonna watch the game no matter what. We have to get on the Paradigm Games. That's the only way we could tell people to take the map, like take the VR off. Like we any anyway, like the Paradigm Games is the answer.

41:55I guess you're right, but is he right about the jingle? I don't know if I could handle that kind of pressure. A jingle that'll be heard by the masses.

42:06This is what you've been working towards. Everything is built up to this.

42:11Oh my god, you're right. And with that jingle, I'd have enough money to fix my truck.

42:17Or get a new one. Alright, this is all gonna work. All we gotta do, let's call Proxy up right now and let her know our plan. Maybe she can help too.

42:24Oh, perfect. Ring her up on your thing. I don't have a thing.

42:28I mean, I don't I don't have one either. Brian, can you call this number? You Inferno, Inferno.

42:33Thank you. Now, I will. But it's not long distance, is it?

42:38We have like a minute plan out here and it eats up the minutes.

42:43Well, if you spent less on fluorescent lights, you could afford a long distance call. Just dial the number. Jesus.

42:47He just dials the number, while just making eye contact with you. That's how accurate he is on the keyboard.

42:53So he has this like whole like right like set up with like screens and whatnot, and it's ringing and ringing, and it like no answer. And you're like, huh, that's weird. She's not answering that like private number that she gave us.

43:04Yeah, that was her that was her direct her direct line. She always answers that first ring no matter what. I'm honestly a little worried now, Roy. I we need to get back to the apartment and see if we can track her down.

43:18Yeah, or better yet, Inferno. Do you ever spy on women?

43:23Honestly.

43:25You know, don't answer that. You pull up the security footage from her apartment. This is the address. It's the next tab over.

43:33It's already open. Uh alright, let me just type in the address. And he's hacked into all the security cams or CCTV of the [expletive] city. And then it zooms in on the apartment door of her address.

43:48Uh, why is it ajar? Does she typically leave her door open? She seemed like a very secure, kind of careful person.

43:54No, never.

43:56There's something very odd about this right now. Inferno, we need to see inside the apartment.

44:01Can you Oh, that gets a little bit trickier. Hold on. I'll I'll hack into one of her lens devices. This might take me some time. I I won't have it just okay, there it is. Got it.

44:12Roy like leans over to Ash is like, Hey This guy is a real creep. I know.

44:17But man, I bet he's awesome on the conspiracy boards. Right just shakes his head. He knew about the crab people.

44:25Yes, the crab people. The old man. I remember crab apples. Delicious. That's not what we were talking about, Grandpa. What? You boys want some crab apples? I'll be back.

44:40So he hacks it into Proxy's lens, and now we have an uh a camera feed from the inside of her living room.

44:47There, stop. And to our dismay, we see Midas Underbite like break into her apartment and sneak up behind her and subdue her and uh drag her out.

From 45:00

45:01Oh no. Roy man. I feel sick to my stomach. Who was that with her?

45:11You know who that is. It's the same person who absolutely decimated your vehicle.

45:16Well, no, no. Not not the large Russian woman. And then standing next to the large Russian woman was this um Borg now that has the lower extremities of a robot, so just robot legs and a robot torso, and he looks like he's grimacing in pain. And then Roy immediately recognizes it as Greg from the Office.

45:41Oh my god. But that couldn't be him, could it? Like, and then it cuts to like him doing like something very classic.

45:50It goes like two seconds later, and as they're leaving, Greg turns around and then takes a big bite of some birthday cake of Cheryl's birthday cake.

46:00And then just kind of goes down his esophagus and then plops onto the proxy's floor. And he just keeps walking.

46:07Oh my god, Greg, what did they do to you? And how could you be even more of a monster than you were as a as a regular person?

46:14Wait, that's the guy from your office?

46:16Yeah, that's my nemesis. His name's Greg.

46:19I can see why you hated him. The dude's a Borg [expletive].

46:22No, he wasn't always like that. I mean, he kind of believed me Ash if I'm being really honest.

46:27We'll we'll make sure that he pays as well, but we need to [expletive] rescue Proxy. Uh Ryan, is there any way that you can track where they went from here? Like, we we need info. We need to know where she [expletive] went.

46:42Yeah, give me a second. Hold on. Ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket.

46:48And then uh we go back to the CCTV at around the same time frame and then just see him get into this expensive corpo car and then take off. Gunko! Fun creators of preschool guns. Is your preschooler living in a rough neighborhood? Then make sure they're packing a gun co in their preschool lunchbox. Gunco. Distributors of preschool guns everywhere.

47:19So you're gonna need an ID to record in here.

47:21Get the [expletive] off of me. Every preschool there should be.

47:35Nate, it's so good to be back. Oh, I know. I had a blast. Good times. I look forward to uh cobbling this together into a coherent episode uh that may or may not err in the next nine months.

47:47And I can't wait to listen to it within that nine months and then judge us on it.

47:51Uh I'd expect nothing less, Nate.

47:53Nothing but the best from me.

47:55Um man, I don't even remember our uh call to actions for listeners. If you're still listening, uh first off, wow. Thank you.

48:02Thank you. Um clearly we don't deserve your patronage, but uh we really appreciate it. We are back, hopefully, but um more often than nine months, but definitely not weekly or possibly even monthly. But we're gonna get episodes out and we're gonna finish the story.

48:19Yep. Because we care about you. Not really.

48:23Just like right wing conservatives care about preschoolers.

48:27They should all be armed.

48:30Thank you for listening, and we will talk to you sometime next time.

48:35But eventually.

48:36Good night.

48:37Bye.