Clash of the Has-Beens

From 0:00

0:00Just so you know, Daft Monks is half talk show, half-actual play campaign that features adult language and topics. Viewer discretion is advised.

0:09On this episode of Nat One Presents.

0:12Well, truth be told, Belmont, I gave her something that was going to ravage her over through time. A little present, I like to call it. A lot of the ladies get it when I'm done with them, and that succubus was no different. She'll die eventually.

0:29Adventure. Heartwarming stories. Role-playing that could only be seen by the gods. Here at Nat One Presents, you get all that and more. Now join us as we start another epic tale of con.

0:46Just kidding. This is Nat One Presents, a tabletop role-playing game podcast that takes your favorite nerdy games and pop culture icons and ruins them with improv.

0:57Hello and welcome to Nat One Presents Podcast. Today we're going to be doing DD Deathmatch.

1:05That's right, Nate. This is the ultimate showdown between two pop culture or fictional characters that we have created in Dungeons and Dragons to fight to the death.

1:15Correct. And today we are going to be doing Van Helsing, myself, versus I had to look and see who I was.

1:23Trevor Belmont, basically the same person.

1:26From um, for those of you who don't know, uh Belmont is from uh Castlevania series. He's the the main hero, if you will. And then Van Helsing is kind of just like your basic guy who just goes around and kills Dracula. Everyone should know him.

1:39Yeah.

1:40Also, the Belmont is sworn basically to also kill Dracula, and pretty much each generation is tasked with the same job of doing it over and over again. So again, two people who are basically the same person in many ways. Correct.

1:53So um how do you think we're going to start this off now? Scene.

2:00Uh all right, yeah. So we talked it over a little bit, and we're thinking that um since they're a similar people, they might both, right? They're both hunting Dracula. So they both arrived. They got some some intel that Dracula's castle has reappeared at this location in somewhere in Eastern Europe, obviously. And uh they both arrived thinking they're the first one there, and they're finally going to kill uh their target. I like it.

2:24Um I think let's start off with you were there first, and like everything seems like the coast is clear, and then all of a sudden there's a little bit of a ruckus in the background, and like a wagon pulls up, and then that'll be me.

2:37I like it. I like it. Okay, and and for all you viewers, um, everything at this point is not scripted. We we are just improving and riffing off of each other. Um, and then at the end, we'll go ahead and jump into an actual PvP um based on our character sheets. Um, so stay tuned. All right, and uh here we go. So yes, this is the place. This is the intelligence. Uh Draculus Castle is somewhere within four meters of here. Wait, is someone here?

3:06Ho ho ho ho Belmont, my boy. I'm so glad to see you here. Please no, please no. Oh, I thought I was gonna have to do this alone, and it was a little worrying at first. As you can see, I brought my entourage with me. Helsing, Helsing, Helsing. Calm down, calm down. Now, Belmont, my boy, what brings you here exactly?

3:28Well, then Helsing, probably the same thing that brings both of us to the same location every time. I uh I'm here to kill Dracula, and I I believe he's nearby, which is why maybe uh you and the posse could keep it down.

3:41Oh, of course, of course. I'll I'll tell him. Hey, friends, please keep it down.

3:46Belmont's getting a little upset again. I mean, this is only what the fifteenth time we've tracked down Dracula, and I really think it's Belmont's fault he keeps getting away.

3:57Oh no, it's definitely my fault. Yeah, it were definitely not because you and your entire party bus comes rolling in on a wagon, yelling and asking people, hey, have you seen Dracula? And then he [expletive] sees because he has spies, and then he relocates his castle. Do you know what happens when his castle disappears and appears 300 miles away?

4:18Of course I do. I've been tracking Dracula since I was a small boy, but if you would like to take 30 seconds to remind me what happens, I would appreciate it.

4:27I walk. I walk 300 miles, and it takes me four more weeks before I get another chance at Dracula. So if you could not scare him away this time, that would be perfectly ideal.

4:37It sounds to me like you need to get an entourage, maybe, because I just sit back in the car and they take me from place to place. Wow.

4:43Yeah, in fact, sit back is is quite exactly what you do. Maybe you sit back right now and just let me handle the whole thing. Why don't why don't you just do that? Why don't you sit back, have fun, you play some twister with the entourage, and let me handle Dracula this time. Please.

4:57I've been doing this for years, Belmont. You show up from town to town, wherever Dracula is at. I send him a nice letter informing him that I found him, and that I'm going to be killing him on that day. You know, a nice friendly gesture, and then every time he gets away, but it always seems like you're here interfering with my business and my money.

From 5:00

5:19Is that really the only problem you got out of that whole statement? Yes. Good grief. Okay. Well listen. Yes, you've been hunting Dracula for years, but my entire clan, my entire bloodline, is dedicated to killing Dracula. Ever since Leon Belmont, the very first in my clan, his betrothen, was killed, and then she got turned into a whip, which has been handed down to me, the vampire killer, to kill Dracula. It is my entire bloodline. It is my duty to protect the world from Dracula. You do it for a couple years and just to get some girls, but I do it to save my reputation and and my dignity and my soul.

5:56Uh sorry, good chap, I wasn't listening to a thing you said. I caught my reflection in a mirror that I'm holding. You know, for vampires and whatnot, I put it around corners and like I really don't know how this stuff works.

6:10I'm really terrible at this job, don't tell the posse. But I caught myself looking in my mirror, and man, I am one handsome devil. No wonder everybody in town pays me the sums that they do to get rid of this Dracula menace.

6:23I'm not even remotely sober enough for this. Penhousing. Please, Lusk, let me handle this. Do you remember the time with the werewolf?

6:30Oh yes, I remember that I thwarted him.

6:33No, you missed and you stabbed me in the leg. I bled out for like 30 minutes, and the werewolf went away, and we never found him, and he killed many victims.

6:42That's not how it's written in my biography. Biographer! I snap my fingers, and like some guy pops out of the cart who's like writing in a book. Uh read back to me the um werewolf incident a couple months back. Um he he goes through and he reads it, and then like he looks up, he's like, hmm now. Oh, I see. Uh apparently we haven't written that down, Mr. Belmont. Um We'll take notes later of what really occurred that day, but my memory's pretty sharp. And I recall you stabbing me in the leg, and then I still somehow manage to kill the werewolf monster.

7:21Well, first off, I fight you with a whip, so I don't really know I stabbed you in the leg.

7:26That could bring up some problems in my story.

7:29Um, I like that. That's all you are. Your stories, Van Helsing. Your store, your reputation, your fanfare, your your n there's no substance to you. You can't defeat Dracula because you they're just you're a side character, you're a bard's tale, but no no actual bravery, no no heroic.

7:45Listen, Belmont, you're cutting me pretty deep here. Like everybody knows that I kill the monsters because it's written down in the stories that I pay people to write. And who pays me this money? The the town people who hire me to get rid of these monsters.

8:01Why do they even pay you never you I don't think once you have ever actually fulfilled the quest you've been sent. Do you keep the money? Do you refund it when when the monster when the succubus gets away? Do you remember that time you slept with the succubus, and then you just left? You let the succubus continue to murder people after having a good digging.

8:19Well, truth be told, Belmont, I gave her something that was going to ravage her over through time. A little present, I like to call it. A lot of the ladies get it when I'm done with them, and that succubus was no different. She'll die eventually.

8:36I don't doubt that, Van Helsing. But listen, what I'm trying to say here is you your heart's in a good place. The best place. But everything else, wrong place. Absolutely wrong place. Wrong time, wrong place. Like, this is not your fight.

8:50Let me do this. I see what you're saying. And uh Van Helsing like looks around, make sure his posse's not listening. Uh, Mr.

8:57Belmont, if you please step over here to the side with me so we may talk without the ears of my posse be bearing down upon us.

9:05Yes, if we must. And then I get to the side. Alright, look, man, my name's really Jeff, Jeff Van Helsing, and I'm not very good at this. But my uncle signed me up for this. It's a whole family thing, and all I do is go town to town, I write the monster a letter, let them know I'm coming, they flee, the townspeople are like, oh wow, we got rid of the monster, and then I get the money and move on to the next place. And you are really messing this up for me right now.

9:32Wow. I I don't even know where to begin with how absolutely messed up that is. You know there's people's lives at stake, right?

9:40Yeah, but not mine because I send a warning letter and then the monster leaves.

9:46How how do you even deliver a letter like that? Just just going about that. Like um uh carrier pigeon? Do you knock on the door and say hello?

9:56Please give this to the master of the house. It's actually a Van Helsing uh trade secret. I can't divulge my secrets, but yes, it is a it's a carrier pigeon.

From 10:00

10:04Oh my good lord. All right, listen. Uh perfect. Well, I don't want you to have to deal with this either. So you go back and you tell the posse that uh Dracula went somewhere else, and that uh we are you took we took care of it.

10:21Very well, Belmont. I understand. You are going to take a break from this Dracula character, and but I will defeat him. Now, if you will just go back to the inn, and I will meet you there, and we can talk about a next arrangement. But very well, it's all his idea, Mr.

10:40Belmont, he's gonna go home and leave Dracula to me.

10:45Wait. All my life I've been seeking out the most purest, vile form of evil, but I've been looking in the wrong place. It's right here in front of me, Mr. Harrising. Jeff, why don't we settle this the old-fashioned way? If you can take down Dracula, I'm sure you can take down me.

11:05Well very well.

11:07I am well versed in the martial arts, if you will, and I if Are you serious?

11:15Like, are we really gonna fight right now? You piece of [expletive]. I'm gonna make sure you and all these little [expletive] policy people never hang out with you ever again. Then you're not gonna have the money or the energy or the funds to go kill Dracula, and I'm gonna finally fulfill my clan's mission and live my life. And I don't have an accent either. Gotcha [expletive]. Well, son of a [expletive].

11:35You heard the man, posse.

11:38We shall battle for the right to who will slay Dracula.

11:44Yes. What do you said, I guess.

11:47Hell sing, hell sing, hell sing.

11:50Yes, I have a posse too. Uh yes, you over there. Yeah. I I just wave it like a stranger. And they like look over and they like point at them, and I'm like, yeah, you. Like, and they're like they shake their head now and just walk away. They do the like the eye shield thing that kind of like, oh, don't look at me. They're like, oh no, yeah, yeah, she's a little busy right now, you know, waiting for Dracula to die. But yeah, no, that's my posse. They they come as well.

12:12Yeah, I can see that clearly, Belmont. Now, um, are we gonna set rules for this duel, like gentlemen do?

12:19Yeah, uh, rule number one, are you inebriated? Uh, because maybe being sober for the whole kidding each other or Dracula thing would be a good start. So yeah, uh number one, can you put down the little uh little little travel size bottles of whatever you're carrying?

12:35Oh, very well. It's it's a love rife life, rife being a monster being a monster hunter, and you just do what you know, Belmont, being an unsuccessful monster hunter yourself. It must be even harder than being me.

12:51I have stopped many, many a demon, just not Dracula, because that's the one you seem to have fixed on, but I've I've I've saved entire cities and really is that as as you're like maybe like undoing your best, like take off some of like the alcohol, I see like a little like tattoo on your lower back, and I'm like, So do you have a tattoo on your lower back, then how sing?

13:09Oh nothing nothing nothing to see there. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Oh, how's your posse? Hey posse, have you seen his tattoo? It's a tramp stamp. It says I heart Dracula. Wow.

13:23Little fangirl we have here. Me and Dracula, that's how he likes to be pronounced, have an arrangement.

13:30He goes from town to town drinking blood, and then I come in and scare him off, and I get all the money. Why are you admitting that out loud?

13:39Does your posse even care? They don't seem phased at all. Do they know?

13:42They are also inebriated at this point. It's a lot of hard work just to be around me at this point, I recall. But if we must settle this with a duel, then we shall. And then, like, while all this is going on, I'm just picturing like Dracula like looking down from the castle, like looking outside. Yeah. Like, what the [expletive]'s going on out there? Like, oh man, they're at it again.

14:04These guys, like he's like, Master, do you want to relocate the castle? And he's like, No, that's fine.

14:10Also, I have a letter from Van Helsing.

14:16No, so so no, we don't take turns. Like, we're just going to fight Van Helsing. Like, I'm going, we're like, I'm not gonna tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm not gonna send you a letter. We're gonna fight like men do.

14:26Yeah, just regular men, but not gentlemen.

14:30And then like lighting a pipe and [expletive]. I I'm just going to I'm not going to wait for you. I'm telling you right now, if we do not start this duel and you do not put down whatever office you're putting in your mouth. Forget it. Forget it.

14:44Okay, but if we must let me stretch first. And then he's like, ooh, uh, Belmont, I think I might have pulled a hammy. We might have to reconvene for a later date.

14:56Oh my god, you are absolutely the worst. You know how to do that though. So listen, put your yeah, put your feet up against like a ledge, and then oh, let me show you. And I like he like kind of like massages the muscle, and he's like, Yeah. Like, if there's one thing a Belmont knows how to do, it's it's stretch.

From 15:00

15:12Oh yeah, that that the f that feels great. And then sucker punch, boom. What what the hell is that? That's an old Van Helsing secret sucker. It's called the sucker punch.

15:26That that was a dirty trick, but uh now I know now I know what you're capable of, Van Helsing. A girly, horrible effort of Earth Punch.

15:36Who's rich and famous?

15:39The Pope.

15:40No, no, no, I am rich and famous.

15:43I mean you maybe m have minor notoriety, but the the the riches I don't see. Like like honestly, I'm pretty sure you stole that caravan.

15:53Like that's like the name of some business on the side of it.

16:00I may have commandeered it from a local merchant, but he said I could have it to kill the vampire, okay?

16:05Oh, oh, you oh, so you just borrowed Latout's tension wagon.

16:10He gave it to me because his wife and children were murdered by Dracula himself, you know.

16:16Terrible. Stop saying Dracula, okay?

16:19It's not like uh it's not French. Like he's he's Transurbanian, it's just Dracula.

16:23That I've spoken. Have you spoken with Dracula? Like, I've spoken with him, and that's how he wants to be pronounced.

16:28What do you mean how you spoke it? We scare him, you scare him away every time. I've never even met the man.

16:32I have dinner with him everywhere. Are you kidding me?

16:38What's it like in his mansion, though? I I mean I do I have always every time I get to the castle, it phases away and then it's 300 miles away. Like, is it nice? It's beautiful inside. I'm not gonna lie, like, if I were to kill Dracula, I'd straight up just chill in that castle for a good week. And then I come out like all and then like at the very end, I'd like rip my clothes, pat some dirt on my face, and I go in and be like, the battle is won. It took me along, we fought for ages, but really I'm just gonna be taking a bubble bath in Dracula's master bathroom.

17:05Hmm. I really feel like if you had a better PR campaign, you'd be more popular than me, Belmont. Do you think so? No. You don't have the Van Helsing money flow.

17:17You mean the Latout's tense account?

17:20They gave you my thing a discount. I'm stretched out in limber now. Another sucker punch why do I keep falling for that?

17:33With that, I guess we must go to battle. Yeah, I I guess so. I mean, I feel like we bonded a little bit here, but you're still a tremendous piece of [expletive], and I'm pretty sure Dracula's about to phase the castle out, so we need to make quick work of this. Alright, let's do it. Hell sing, hell sing. Alright, but since you've been a total trash monster about it, can we at least shake hands? Very well. And I go to shake your hand and then sucker punch me. I do off. I was going to do the like uh where you like go to do your hands. So I like I go to do that and you sucker punch me.

17:33And this time though, I like flex my abs, and like I knew you were going to do that. Ooh, and then I gotta shake out my my nucleoks a little bit. That's dumb. Alright. Well, prepare thyself. This will be the last time you ruin my search for Dekula.

18:15Very well. Reginald, toss me my crossbow.

18:21Alright, so it is match on. Let's roll for initiative. Okie dokie. For those of you new to DD, so initiative is basically the turn order. You just roll a D20, and the person with the highest number plus their bonuses, they're gonna get to go first. Normally, in a campaign with many people, there would be six or seven people, and you'd cycle through. For us, it'll just be back and forth. But with the in a PvP environment, which DD is not really used to, uh, going first can be a huge advantage.

18:45That's true. Like, like Nate said, like these characters that we make are for DD campaigns. It's the way characters are supposed to be made. They're not made for player versus player action, but that's what we're doing because that's what's interesting and fun.

18:59Exactly. I got a 17 with all bonuses. That's a 12 plus five. I got a an eight plus four. So that'd be 12. That's exactly what I'd expect from Van Helsing. Yeah, I see. A little slow to the draw, um, but he's still there. He's still standing. Very well, very well. A little off balance, but he's there.

19:15You had to like pull up his pants a little bit and suck in his gut, like um the van down by the river guy.

19:20Like he's really moving his pants around, you know.

19:23Oh, you're a little bit too slow to the draw, Van Helsing. Not that I'm surprised. Well, uh, and so uh for those of you who don't know, in Castlevania, um, all the Belmonts, they use this main weapon. It's called the Vampire Killer. Um, it could be it's a whip, essentially. Um, it has different forms in the games. You can upgrade it. In the anime, it's it's the kind of the final, the ultimate version of the weapon, um, which is the morning star. And so that's kind of how I'm imagining my whip to be. It's it's kind of like a uh a chain whip with like a almost like a mace at the end, like kind of like a sharp spiky ball, but it's it's not huge because it's meant to be kind of like agile.

19:23Ooh, yeah, like um, so I ready my you know my clan famous vampire killer weapon, and I I get ready to throw my whip, and now I will make my roll to hit. Ooh, so a very low roll. It was almost a it was a two, which a one on the die would have been devastating. Um so a two plus, I do have a pretty high bonus to add it. Uh so it'd be an 11. That is not gonna hit. My uh armor class is 16. Okay. I do get an extra attack with uh as a fighter. Um well I can use I'm not going to. Instead, I'm gonna use my monk ability. So I dual class as a fighter and a monk.

19:23Um that's kind of how I imagined the classic like Belmont, Trevor Belmont. Like it's a lot of acrobatics, it's a lot of like dexterity. He's using the whip, but then like you know, he'll disarm somebody and then punch them, you know, in like close combat. So I felt like the the monk and and fighter combination was good. So what I'm gonna do, I did my regular attack as a fighter, and now thanks to an ability as monk, I can actually use a bonus action where I basically use a monk weapon, which is I was able to classify as my whip again. So how I'm imagining this is I I did that first whip and you kind of like stumbled out of the way. I'd say it was kind of like luck.

19:23You stumbled out of the way, but then I like whipped it kind of backwards and then did like another twist of the wrist, and then it came for a second action. Let's see if that has a little bit more luck. Ooh. So that's gonna be a 24 to hit. Oh, that will hit.

From 20:00

21:26So I'm like, you're not gonna hit me with that dinky little whip.

21:29Ah so because this is the bonus action as a special ability, I don't get to do my full damage here. So I roll, uh, and I rolled actually the worst. I I'm only going to do one hit point of damage. Ooh, okay. Um, so I just nicked your face a little bit, but I do think it was enough to kind of show you that, like, yeah, it's red, I can make you bleed. And this is just getting stopped event helsing. So I hope you're ready for a real fight.

21:51We'll see. We shall see. Posse, are you watching this? Take notes. And then uh with that, I'm gonna do uh my bonus action. That was the end of your turn, right?

22:00That was the end of your turn. Okay.

22:01So with that, I'm gonna do my uh bonus action and I'm gonna put uh hunter's mark on you. So for the duration of this uh attack, I get an extra one d6 of damage from my attacks. So then I'm gonna throw a knife at you. Okay. Oh yeah. That'll be an 11 plus eight, so a 19. That will hit. Awesome. So that'll be my d4 for my dagger. So that'll be seven plus a d6. So just ten points of damage over that first hit.

22:35I am going to use my ability, uh, dip black missile. And so I'm going to I get to roll one d10 and then add nine to it. This is the what? Is that 12? Yeah, d percent. Aha, thank you. Alright, so it's a five, and then it's plus nine. Um, so five plus nine, that would be 14. Your total damage was how much? I honestly forget. I I think you said it was 10 or something lower than that. So all that matters with this ability is I wanted to reduce it to zero, which I did. I I recovered more than than I than I uh damage was taken. And so the ability now allows me to spend one Kai point, which I'm gonna do to grab the projectile and then throw it back at him.

22:35So so you you threw the knife, it did hit me, and it did kind of slice, but then I was able to grab it, or I was able to reduce the dam like deflect it with my skill, and then grab the knife and fling it back at you. Um and I do have to check what the actual damage with that would be. Um what is the damage for deflect missiles?

23:39Um I think it would just be you just throw uh the knife back at me. So it'd be uh just a regular knife. Yeah, and then a 1d4 plus your uh decks.

23:52So it's gonna ooh, I think it's a miss. So I miss. Okay. That's what I'm gonna do. It is a 15, and his armor class is a 16. Yep. Uh so it will not hit. Um, so I caught his knife, took no damage, and threw it back, but it unfortunately did not hit.

24:04Ho ho! And with that, I have a um another attack action that I can do. So I'm gonna throw another dagger this time. Back at name. Back at Belmont, and that's gonna be an 11, so it'll be a 19 hit. Yeah, absolutely a 19 will hit. And that'll be uh three, seven, uh only plus two this time, so it's at nine points of damage.

24:28Okay.

24:30Mark that down. Alright, so uh you hit me with the daggers at the end of your turn. Yes, that's the end of my turn. Okay, so I'm like a little stocked, uh, a little shocked here because I I kind of think Van Helsing's a hack job, and so a little he actually not only has managed to kind of deflect my attacks, but he's able to kind of catch me off guard and hit me with some of his own.

24:47So I told you I have skills, Belmont.

24:50If only you'd put them to good use and help me defeat Dracula, but nonetheless, I've been in much worse situations than this, so fear not. Um, so I'm gonna go ahead and use flurry blows, which I believe I also have to spend one Kai point to do so. And what that means is it is a one d or sorry, yes, it's one d4 plus four. I roll. Yeah, so plus nine, that's gonna be 21 to hit. Yeah, it's gonna hit. I do one d4, and then I get a plus uh five to do so. So man. It is a one. So that is gonna be a six, six damage. Six damage, and then I don't believe um. Oh, and then I get to do my action.

24:50So that was the I kind of like reached in, didn't attack, and now I'm going to kind of step back and use the bonus action that I have to try to hit you with the whip again. Okay.

From 25:00

25:47Um, so I will roll. And I actually have a um special feature that after you hit me once in the same turn, my AC jumps up to 20.

25:56So plus four points. Well, thankfully I rolled a 17 on the die, which with another nine is gonna put us at 26. So you still this time I got you, so I'm gonna hit you. Uh, and now you're gonna take the full damage because this is my actual attack here. Um, so it's gonna be one D4 plus seven damage. Um, so it's three plus sevens of ten damage. Ooh, dang, alright. Um, and that will be my turn. So I'm feeling a little bit more confident now. Like, oh yeah. Have you had enough vent hills thing? I'm just getting warmed up.

26:24Never!

26:24You need to leave Dracula, aka my friend, to me. And then with that, boom, let's throw another knife. Oh, that is not good. That's a two on the die. That will not hit.

26:39Definitely not hit. So you missed, and let's also just say that uh you like maybe hit something in the background.

26:44Like my guy taking notes in the book. He's like, oh. I'd be like, Billy, take over and write notes over this epic battle. People must know what has happened here.

26:55Yes, and actually write it as it happens, if you wouldn't mind. I'll do get all the details, the juicy one.

27:00You're not involved in this, Belmont! And then with that uh crossbow, hand crossbow for my bonus action, so that would be a 19 to hit. Yeah, that'll hit. So that'll be plus six, that'll be five. Uh, so nine plus a d6, uh, ten, eleven, twelve. And then also I have another feature now that after you have taken damage, you're gonna take an additional d8 of damage. This ranger that I'm using is the hunter conclave, for those of you who don't know, and it's actually the only decent hunter or um ranger class to use. So that'd be another two points of damage on top of that.

27:38Okay, yeah, that was that was a really great turn and did a total of 14 damage. Uh, I'm down to 57 hit points from 80. So, how would you describe Belmont right now?

27:48With that little like a little bit bloodied, a little frazzled, maybe his hair is the hand's a little disheveled.

27:54Like Belmont always kind of looks like uh, because he he's doing the real dirty work, like genuinely, and then when he's not doing like like keeping people safe, he's at a bar, so he usually smells bad. He's usually disheveled, but now he looks like caught off guard. He looks you know off balance, and he really wasn't expecting a fight from Van Helsing. Like Van Helsing literally is a trash monster, and I think there's a little bit of pride going on. Like uh, I think Belmont might be Trevor Belmont might be a little blinded by his like pride that that some that maybe Van Helsing actually is more of a warrior or like a skilled you know fighter than than he thought he was.

28:29Oh, yeah.

28:29He's still an idiot.

28:30Oh, absolutely. And obviously only in it for the money and the fame, but he still has some kind of skills to back that up.

28:37Okay. Can you describe? I'm curious because this will probably affect my action. What what is your uh do you have like a utility belt? Like you seem to have all these like daggers and things. Like, are you you have like a vest?

28:46Like describe how you're I'm kind of picturing him a little bit like um the Van Helsing with the Hugh Jackman. So like he's got the trench coat and a hat and a like a very nice mustache, and maybe a monocle, like just to add that in for flavor. But yeah, he has like a vest on where he keeps several knives and different trinkets and things like that.

29:07Wow, okay. Um, all right, so I'm gonna use all right, I'm gonna make an attack with my whip. Um, ooh, that's not gonna hit. That was a four on the die, so that comes out to a total of 13. So I miss with the whip. Um, so now my I won't be able to do actually the action because it the uh the technique I was about to use does require a hit. So I am gonna just switch over to my bonus. I'm gonna do that second like snap of the wrist to get that the second bonus action with my whip, um, which does unfortunately hit um so 19. Ooh, that does hit. Yep. So it does hit, but it it does only let me do a smaller amount of damage.

29:07Again, I keep rolling ones on these die. Um so that's gonna be just one damage that you take. Um I'm down to 66. I'm gonna move further away. Um I'm gonna I'm at least I'm 10 feet away from you now. I was I was kind of like staying within five, and now I'm at like a total of 10 feet. Um I'm kind of distancing myself a bit more.

From 30:00

30:02Okay.

30:03Oh, so that'll be my turn now? Yeah. Let's see here. Um I want to say while this is happening, neither of us notice, but like one of like like a winged monster kind of flies in and just like picks up one of your guys and like carries him off to the castle, and like we just don't even notice. Like, we are so like like in the zone right now.

30:21I even imagine him being like, way, Ben Helsing! And then the rest of the group's like, Ben Helsing, Ben Helsing, Ben Helsing. Absolutely. Um, so with that, um, I'm gonna hit like a special button or something on my uh crossbow. Yeah, I know, and then uh it's gonna cast cordon of arrows. So that would be um well, also just uh third, so that'd be four and then plus so seven arrows all fly out of my crossbow at one time in a 30-foot cone. And it'll be you need to make a dexterity saving throw.

31:00Oh, that's a that's a really high one for me. Dexterity is my top stat, so that is gonna be a plus five. So it's a 19. Oh, okay. Yeah, you totally pass.

31:12And then uh with that, that was my action. So with that, I'll just do a bonus action and fire my hand crossbow again and be 12 plus 8, so 20. And then boom. So three plus four, seven, eight, nine, another ten points of damage.

31:28Wow, your crossbow is doing a lot more damage than than I'd really expect.

31:32Well, because I also have my hunter's mark on, and then with my class, if somebody has damage done to them, then I get to do an extra d8, one d8 of damage every attack.

31:42It's pretty good. All right. I need to really step up my game. It's not gonna look pretty good if I don't start doing dealing out more damage. So I'm gonna go ahead. Uh as always, I'm within 10 feet, so I'm gonna use my whip as my my key weapon there. Um, so it's gonna be an 18 a hit. That does hit. Okay, awesome. So I'm gonna roll my. Oh, good. I got I got a four out of four on this roll. So it's that's a lot better damage-wise. So things might be looking up for me. What I'm gonna do, so that's going to be a four plus seven. So that is an 11 damage, and now I'm able to do that that maneuver that I wasn't able to do last time.

31:42So I'm gonna spell or expend one of my superiority points, and that's gonna allow me to try to disarm you. So when I hit you with the whip, now I'm trying to like kind of like take my hand crossbow out. Yeah, take your hand crossbow, exactly, because that thing is kicking my butt. All right. Um, so uh how it works is you have to make a strength saving throw, DC 17. Oh my god, I am not strong because I pictured Van Helsing not being strong. Very yeah. Well, fun fact in the history in the original novel where Van Helsing originates from, he actually is like a doctor. Right?

32:46So, yeah, not strong. But I did roll a 17 on the die with uh saves. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

32:53We actually have a plus four in uh strength save throws. So you actually passed. Bummer, bummer, that would have been awesome. All right, so uh I I made a I hit you with the whip and I I made a go to try to like pull back. Maybe maybe I started to pull the crossbow, but then you like grapped onto it and I pulled it away. Regripped it. Like, like, I have to hand it to you, Van Helsing. You're you're a lot more your your your senses and reflexes are are higher than any threshold I would have expected.

33:21Um I'm picturing Van Helsing right now, like wanting to talk to you, but he's like, like giving you the one-second finger, like Yeah, you two, man. Are you okay over there? And then he like regains. Very well, this is this is an astute battle between two gentlemen.

33:37Yeah, go ahead, take your time. It's fine.

33:40Just don't try to suck it, [expletive] me again. Okay, okay. Okay, just stand still, okay? Because I'm really getting out of breath here. And well, with that, heal the uh another hand crossbow shot. That's not gonna make it. That's gonna be a four plus eight. And then another hand crossbow shot. That one will make it. That'll be a uh 21 to hit.

34:01Yeah, that'll definitely hit.

34:03So we're gonna go four, one, four. So that'd be nine plus four. So thirteen? Thirteen damage. Oof.

34:15Um, at this point, Van Helsing's actually like also looking tired, and I'm actually like bleeding. Like you're you're hitting me. I'm getting like these like cuts and nicks. Maybe one of the like bolts from your crossbow is actually sticking out of me. Um, it's not looking great. But I am huffing and puffing. Like, this is the most work I've done in a long time. Okay, is that your turn? That's the end of my turn. Right. I really need uh to make some moves. The the good news is I'm sitting on a lot of these different kind superiority points. So there is a chance that I can make some moves here, okay?

34:15So I rolled uh a five, but before we decide that hits, I'm gonna spend I have a uh I'm gonna use another superiority point to do precision attack, and that's gonna let me make an addition to this roll. Um so it is I need uh D8. Thank you, sir. You're welcome. All right, good. Not bad, not bad. All right, six. Uh so that's going to be whatever roll. A five plus six is 11, and then I get my bonus, uh, which will be plus nine. So that is a 20 total. That hits. So thank thank goodness I use that ability. Uh so I get to do my full damage here. It's gonna be a three plus uh I believe we said that was seven. So that's gonna be ten damage. Ooh, okay.

34:15Now I get to do my uh my next uh let's see, after your action, you can spend one chi point to make two unarmed strike as a bonus action. So I'm gonna use a chi point and I'm gonna make two unarmed strikes. Uh these are very weak, so I hit you with the whip and I whatever, just smack you in the arm, and then I I kind of moved in and I'm gonna take like uh two jabs uh with my unarmed strikes, so one hit and then a second. So we'll see how, see if we can land them. Ooh, Nat 20 on the first one, okay. And so that's gonna be double the damage on the die plus the bonus, which for unarmed strike's not awful.

34:15Um, but I rolled a one, so it's now a two plus five. So I got seven. Seven damage out of that. I could have done a lot more. Yep. Seven on the first of the two um attacks here.

From 35:00

36:24Okay.

36:25And the second is not gonna hit. So I I got I got a really good hit on the first one, but then maybe you you've kind of blocked or pushed my fist away on the on the second hit. Um, and then I will end my turn and I'm gonna say I'm in I'm in within five feet of you again. Okay, perfect.

36:40I think this is really close right now. What are you at? 34? I'm at 34 hit points. I think.

36:44And I'm at 33 right now. Wow, it is close, guys. It's a close battle. So um I did go first though, so technically we're slightly ahead.

36:51Oh, right. So um with that, I'm gonna pull out my hand crossbow one more time. And again. Oh my god, it was on a 19, and then it rolled to a nine, but a nine plus eight is gonna be a 17 hit. Uh it is my number. So a tie goes to you, so no, it does not hit. Ah, just glances off. And with that, one more attack on my crossbow bolt, that's gonna hit. That'd be definitely hits. And then so, oh really? So a one, so that'd be five, six, seven, plus seven. So fourteen. Wow.

37:24When this attack hits, it really like it does a lot of damage. 14 damage is a good roll for like a good turn for me. Right.

37:32Um, and then uh with that, I'm gonna use a bonus action and use my fade away from a ranger. So like I suck in my gut, and then with that I become invisible until the start of my next turn.

37:44Okay, okay. Um, all right. So you're saying I can't see you right now. Correct. Hmm. Interesting, interesting. Um, but if we want to do like a check of some kind, because I am breathing extremely heavy. Well, yeah, you went invisible directly five feet from me. Correct. Um, so and and keep in mind a round in Dungeons and Dragons is six seconds. So when I go and then you go, and everybody in the round goes, even if it's like 10 people, that's six seconds. So within less than six seconds, it is like you did it, and five seconds later, it's my turn. Right. So you didn't have a lot of time to reposition or to hide per se. Um, so yeah, let's let's I'm I'd say it's fair. We could do a check.

38:24Okay, so if you want to do, I think a um what do we think? A perception check, or you can roll at disadvantage. So if you succeed on the perception check of, let's say just my spell casting ability modifier for a DC. And then you it'll just be a straight roll on your next attack. I think that's fair.

38:45All right, I'll do a perception. Okay. So plus six is a 19 total.

38:50Yeah, my DC is only a 14, so you totally know where I am.

38:52I'm a big fat guy heaving over on the side. I'm gonna pretend. Well, I still have to roll to hit, so I can see you. That doesn't mean I I've hit you, correct? Right? Correct. So I I get a little smirk. Like I know where he is, but I'm like, oh man, what am I going to ha! And then I've been gonna go and try to take the shot there. Oh and a nat 20. So your breathing was so heavy that like you you you gave yourself the disadvantage because you you like got confident and thought you stood in front of me thinking breathing heavily, like I didn't know what was gonna happen.

38:52Um so a nat 20, uh that is a critical hit, uh, which which I've had one before, but but this is gonna do a lot more damage. So uh I'm gonna go ahead. And I get keep getting the lowest though of my whip rolls. So that's gonna be two plus uh seven. That's gonna be nine damage. Um, but I am absolutely not even close to done. I'm going to I think once again I'm going to try to do uh a maneuver. I'm gonna once again try to remove your crossbow.

39:54Okay.

39:54Uh so uh once again, it's called disarming attack. Uh you have to make a strength savings throw, and you have to beat 17. That's gonna be an 18 plus four again. And once again, okay, so you yeah, you are good. Um it's the only weapon I'm comfortable with. I can't let go. Now, this is not uh that wasn't actually a bonus action. You can use a maneuverability on top of attacks. Okay. So I'm still going to because I still have points left, and I am going to die soon if I don't make some moves here. So I'm also gonna use a Kai point and do another flurry uh flurry blows. Go for it. So I go for the first hit. I'm gonna re-roll that. Yeah, I dropped the dice, but I caught it.

39:54First one hit, first one misses. I go for the second hit.

From 40:00

40:38Ooh.

40:39That one will hit. That'll be a uh, I believe, yes. That'll be a total of 23. Yep, that does hit. Okay, so 1d4 plus five. See, it's it's pretty funny. Uh, so uh that's gonna be a total eight, eight damage. You're gonna take eight more damage? Yep. And then what's kind of funny, guys, is uh I my the whole Castlevania thing, like they always use a whip. They're experts and they're known for their whip.

40:39But in this entire battle, I keep missing him with my with my vampire killer weapon, and I'm actually doing more damage with my fists, um, which probably is just kind of like how like maybe unfocused and maybe like r angry I am that Van Helsing is just you know like in my face and just just just messing [expletive] up, you know. Right? But if you watch the anime on Netflix, he does a lot of punches. The anime is so good. It's so good. You absolutely, I will absolutely plug. Watch Castlevania, there's three seasons, and it is phenomenal, but definitely not for the children. Correct. It is animated, but it is not a children's show.

41:35So that brings me down to only 16 hit points left. Ooh, it's it's getting down to the to the nitty-gritty here. So rolling again. Ooh, man. So with my crossbow, that'll be a five plus eight. That'd be only a 13. That's not gonna make it. That's not gonna hit one more. That'll be 18. That will hit. Okay, perfect. Woo! So that'll be okay, a one, five, plus four would be a nine, plus eight. So seventeen points of damage. And that'll be the end of my turn right there.

42:09I have three points of damage. So uh this time I have to make it or break it. If I do not kill you this turn, that is that is it for me. I'm gonna, you know, guys, it is so close. I'm gonna take a minute. Alright, I know what to do. I think I have a shot.

42:25Oh my god, okay.

42:26Alright, so I'm going to make my first attack. Uh rolling for the attack right now. Okay, so a 12 plus nine, that's gonna be a 21. That will definitely hit me. Awesome. I need it to hit, that's important. So I got a force. Max damage on the four plus seven is gonna be 11 damage. I am not even close to done here, okay? Uh next, I'm going to use a Kai point for uh actually, I'm not even gonna do that yet. I'm going to use my action surge, which I hasn't used yet as a as a fighter. So I'm going to do another attack with my whip. Oh, there's a 19 on the die, so that's gonna be a total of 28. Yep. Uh so that's gonna hit as well. So I'm gonna go again.

42:26The one, two, so that's gonna be a one plus five. So it's gonna be six. Ooh. Wait, wait, Belmont. There has to be some way we can talk about this. I'm gonna put my hand out. I'm gonna be like, put it there. And do you go for it? Yeah, go for it. And I'm gonna sucker punch. So I'm gonna use my bonus action kai point flurry of punches and use the old Van Helsing on Van Helsing.

43:33Well, with that, I am down. I am passed out unconscious. Oh, were you already dead?

43:38I had one uh absolutely well. Technically, if I miss you twice, okay, okay, let's see what it's not an automatic hit. So if I were to miss, it's not likely, guys, but the first one is a miss. Guys, wow. Internet. He has one hit point and I have three. If I don't make this next roll, he wins as long as he hits me. Right. I have To hit oh my god, it's coming down to it. Uh and I used a Kai point. Ah, but I do have one more trick up my sleeve. Okay, so thank goodness I hit, but just so you know, I had one superiority point left, which I could have used at for a precision attack. I could have added a D8.

43:38So even if I missed this one, if it was close, I could have rolled a D8. So I was wow, this is the closest we probably have ever had in like a PvP uh DD data. Oh yeah, it was close. Oh goodness. But now Van Helsing is passed out on the ground. Yeah, so I look over and be like, Well, Posse, you have a new uh uh adventurer to follow around.

44:36What's your name, sir?

44:38Trevor Belmont.

44:40Belma, Belma!

44:41No, no, no, we do it quietly in my posse. We don't we don't alert the enemy.

44:46Belma.

44:46Belmont. Yes. Hey, Van Helsing, look, don't don't take it so badly. I have been trained for generations, and by my entire family to kill one man, and so you by nature, you just weren't, you know, maybe trained as well. But listen, that was a good fight. You you put in a little bit more than I expected.

From 45:00

45:07Uh Van Helsing still passed out to the point where like a fly comes buzzing and like lands inside of his mouth and swirls around and then flies back out.

45:15I'm gonna like bend down, pat him on the back, and be like, you did good. And then I'm gonna take like one of the nips from his like and just like take a swig. Careful it's strong. Yeah. I probably grab it's like absent or something. Keeps the demons away. Keeps the demons away. Um, and then I look over and like, now time for and the castle's gone. Uh Dracula's castle has, of course, phased away. I'm like, mother.

45:40But with that, I think a carrier pigeon comes flying back over and lands on uh Van Helsing's body. It's a uh written letter from Dracula saying, uh, hey, uh sorry I had to leave without saying hi. Um, we still on for dinner next Wednesday? Question mark. Just let me know. Uh yours always, Dracula. And there's like an accent over the all right.

46:04That was a pretty good session. I I thought that was pretty good for a DD deat match. Let's break it down a little bit. Like, what was maybe your mistakes? And what I can talk about some of mine as well.

46:14I uh I was pretty rock solid. I think what it really came down to for this battle was our role for our initiative. Like, whoever got the initiative first was gonna get the first attack, and I think that led into the most damage because both at level 10 were pretty even as far as classes go. And I think it really just came down to that initiative role and who got what.

46:34When you hit, you hit hard. I had a lot of uh the way I built my character between the extra attacks and then the the uh I believe it's called uh whatever the kai point bonus action was to attack with my fists after or use my whip a second time, which you normally do. Yeah, the flurry blows. And there's also it was the Kai shot, I think is what it was called, where it let me use my weapon a second time when you're not really even allowed to normally as a fighter. Um, I just had a number of abilities, and then I had a total of eight points, like a four points Kai, four points superiority. So I was really able to like augment my different like and and and adjust my strategy.

46:34And I think in the beginning my strategy was poor, and I actually had to start spending two and three points in a round just to just to have a chance, right?

47:17Like uh my strategy off the beginning is like you have to upload up front. So like I had to put on Hunter's Mark, and then I had to do a little bit of damage so I can get my 1d8 bonus that I have against other creatures. And after you get going, then that starts building up. So I have two attacks plus uh bonus action attack. So after my two attacks, and then combine it with Hunter's Mark and that other thing, the the damage just piles on top of each other.

47:44It almost worked. I I will be honest, I thought you were gonna win this for so close. For I'd say two-thirds of the fight because my roles just weren't there. Um, but thankfully you started, you started strong, but then you made a couple misses, and then I really just was like, I have to expend all of these points. Like, I I think I was trying to go in, saving them for like a rainy day. Right. And I realized, like, no, I like every turn I need to expend these guys.

48:06It didn't help too, I think, because uh Nate was just using a standard of uh points for his whip, which is just a 1d4. But I really feel like Belmont's whip would be like a 1d8 whip or something.

48:17I mean, it's basically a magical item, right? Uh like it has the soul of like an ancestor, and it can defeat like Dracula's borderline a god. So um, yeah, absolutely. It would have been a stronger attack. And I thought about it, you know, I just had to use a whip, you know. Uh you you know how I build characters, Nate. It has to be very true too. We've we've done it before, and sometimes I went overboard with making a very authentic character that was really bad. Garbage. So this time I tried to balance it, but I had to keep the whip. I was not willing to use honestly, any other weapon probably would have done more damage, but I wasn't willing. But it worked out good. It really did.

48:17Um, okay, so I think it's safe to say I I won this one. Uh so we do keep a tally. Uh so Nate Zero, Nate one, um, which we're both named Nate, so it's a little confusing, but you'll figure it out eventually. I'm sure we won't mess up the tallies at all.

49:03And if uh anybody at home has any questions or comments about the battle or do you really feel like it went the way it should, feel free to uh visit our Discord and talk about it and all that stuff.

49:12Sign up for our Patreon, please. Yep. Nat1Presents.com is our website, and you can go to patreon.com slash Nat One Presents and join our Patreon. We put these character sheets up there. So if you want to play uh in your own campaign and use these character sheets, you can use those. We put um any any other bonus materials we create for our different uh episodes uh are up there. So there's a lot of good bonuses, uh a lot of good stuff. Definitely check it out.

49:35And then not only just the audio that you could be listening to for the free podcast, but also you get to see our beautiful faces if you want to put a face to that voice. Yeah, he looks even better than he sounds, gentlemen.

49:43Oh, shucks. And I look even worse.

49:47I think that's gonna wrap it up. So thanks for stopping by and hanging out with Nat1 Presents today.

49:52And we'll see you next week.

49:53Bye.