Love Thy Neighbor's Utilities

From 0:00

0:15Hello and welcome back to the Daft Monks Podcast. Hey Nate. Hey Nate, how you been? I've been hanging in there. You know, I've come to the realization that I am not cut out for office work whatsoever, Nate. I could've told you that, Nate. I know. But it took uh one meeting. So I had to go to Fish Lake, which is one of our outer areas, a small little farming town. It wasn't bad, but I was there for probably five or six days, something like that. I lost track of time. When I came back, we had a meeting. And it was an all-morning employee meeting, which is usually fine, but now from the trip I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm ready to go home.

0:15And in this meeting, there was something that just wasn't setting right with me, you know? Like, ugh, it was rough nate. It was a um it wasn't even our normal HR person, who was lovely by the way. I'm always a big fan of our HR people because they put up with my shenanigans. But this lady, I think, was like a private contracted lawyer or something like that for the company that I work for, which I guess is a common occurrence, and she specializes in harassment and sexual harassment. And so what really erked me more than anything in this whole [expletive] thing was that in the state of Nevada, it is acceptable for you to have a miniature pony as a service animal.

0:15And we just spent 45 minutes, I kid you not, talking about we can't make inappropriate jokes about certain classes, and I am a hundred percent sure that disabled people with service animals are one of those [expletive] classes, but then she proceeds to make four consecutive jokes, that is four jokes in a row, about someone having a service animal that is a miniature pony. So I am getting a mixed signal from this supposed HR lawyer who is a a supposed professional, because now you are saying that it is okay to make fun of a service animal as long as you think it is dope and funny. I just I yeah, I was instantly through the roof because she had glides on her PowerPoint of a miniature pony. Like, look at it, right?

0:15Like, who's gonna accept that? I'd be like, obviously, the [expletive] state of Nevada accepts it. It's a [expletive] miniature pony. I'm sure it does some things that are good, it pulls carts very well. Maybe that's what they need it for, pulling carts. But it it just it just stabbed into my very soul that you are going to tell us linemen that I can't call my apprentice a [expletive], but you are gonna stand up there and make fun of somebody that has a miniature pony as a service animal? Like that's being very picky and choosy and kind of making fun of the state of Nevada. Like, what if they got a legitimate thing? What if someone sitting in the [expletive] room was like, hey, my grandma has a miniature pony as a service animal?

0:15You should have said that. That would have been very wanted to so bad, like four jokes in a row, and you had a slide on your PowerPoint, you are basically bullying anybody who has a miniature pony as a service animal. All right, name my hot take is like, don't make harassment training fun. Like, just get through it, right? We know it's mandatory by state. It's like, uh, I don't know, do you do you guys ever have to do like information security or oh I gotta do that [expletive] all the time, Nate? And let me tell you the secret on that. I gotta watch these online videos. I put it in five times speed and then just guess at the answers. And usually I'm right.

0:15Yeah, I'm a manager, so I'm not gonna confirm or deny if I do anything like that, like you know, putting the video to play on the second monitor because it knows when you switch to another tab on the browser. But that said, get them done, right? Like they're not fun. Let's not pretend they're fun, let's not try to make it fun, and let's like take any bi like the a lot of these trainings are about bias and like don't have bias. So it just kind of sounds like she brought a lot of perspective that was unnecessary. Yeah, I don't think it has anything to do with being a woman or divorce or anything like that.

0:15But it's just like she should have just came, done the bare minimum that's done to remind us of the like state laws, which is really all that was probably asked of her, right? And and that's it. And then let's move on because nobody wants to be here, nobody wants to go through that. And yeah, we just need a quick reminder, like, hey, these are the protected classes. Here's a reminder of like this technically qualifies, that technically qualifies. Cool. Any questions? Great, let's move on. Right. If anything, it felt almost like a business pitch. Like, hey guys, this is harassment. Anybody been harassed lately? Let's talk afterwards, and we'll both get rich. Like, that's what it felt like. Wow, I can actually say this is the first time ever, Nate, that the military does something better.

0:15We do our our equal opportunity and our sexual harassment trainings, which are multiple times a year for some reason, um, are far more uh efficient and like unbiased and like less interesting. Right. And what kind of monster is gonna make fun of miniature ponies? The real Christian Nate. The real question. So Nate, I uh I gotta admit, uh I gave in. You were telling me about the American Gladiator documentary. Yeah, and I was just tired one night but not ready for bed. I'm like, all right, you know, let me let me check it out. And Nate, two episodes in, like, whoa, this was a wild ride. Oh my gosh, this is crazy entertaining.

0:15Like I thought it was just gonna be like they were on drugs, and then you kind of mentioned how they got screwed over contract, but pretty much every part of the story from the making of the pilot to pretty much everything, like how it started, the guy in Elvis costume who was jumping on the trampoline saying, This is my show. There's not a second of it. Like the holding sounds made up to me, Nate. Yes. If you if someone turned around and be like, just kidding, we made that up, I would not be surprised because it just is so outlandish and outwardly. Different times back then, Nate. Different times.

0:15Yeah, the whole Elvis impersonator thing, and then everybody just being like, Oh yeah, we had these weird outfits that they made out of foam, and they're like, you'll be okay, but they were really just baseball equipment that they painted with. Oh yeah. Or like the thing where one of like in the pilot, they kept like they had that like trampoline game, they just kept slamming that girl into the trampoline. Like these days, I'm sure Lawsuit City, like you couldn't do anything like that without a medical team on hand. Like, it just it's great. And then how silly, like, they talked about that.

0:15Like, we hadn't fully thought of the games yet, but like the fact that it was like, okay, this this gladiator's gonna be jumping out of trampoline and you're gonna be picking up foam on the trampoline, and like, what does that mean? Why are we doing that? It's something you do as a little kid. Like, you know what? I I got this idea for a game. Yeah, like I'm gonna jump on the trampoline and you gotta pick up this stuff. The the Velcro guy, like the Velcro like idea of like, mm-hmm, oh, you gotta like push them and get them stuck. I saw the little strips of Velcro. I'm like, what kind of idiot thought these like 230-pound humans with gear on them was gonna stick to like a small strip of Velcro? Right.

0:15I'm thoroughly enjoying it, all of it, and I'm only two episodes in, so Oh, it only gets better. It only gets better. Uh, wild stuff, name. I don't know. What else is uh what else is new in the world of you? Ooh, I don't know. I do have a tournament coming up in the end of August, and it should be okay. I decided this time since uh the last tournament, I just had a fat guy lay on me that I'm gonna go ahead and lose about 10 pounds and then be in the weight class below. So that should be okay. It'll be the first time I'm actually under 200 pounds in a long time. Nay, we have now exchanged. I am now much heavier than what are you at now?

0:15Oh, right now I am about 210-ish. Oh, okay. Well, I am still I am now 213. I am officially heavier than you, which is pretty wild. So, yeah, pretty crazy. You must be getting jacked. I'm trying, I'm definitely getting fat too, but like I'm like, what if I just give my body enough? I'm giving it too much nutrition, but I also don't want to be miserable. So what if I get my 200 grams of protein, enough carbs, enough fats, plus some extra, and you know, maybe I take this testosterone treatment. Like, what can I accomplish? So we're gonna see how big uh and I'm I'm what like what are you like six two? Six one, six four. I'm like three inches shorter than you, Nate.

0:15So to be chunkier than you is uh not a good thing. But anywho, uh I digress. Listeners, if you remember from second season, uh yeah, Nate uh went up against a fat kid who used a secret technique called the mother's milk. I can't believe you remember that. Of course, of all the things we talk about, you remember that. I'll never forget, Nate. I'll never forget where the fat guy basically laid on you and put you a city in your mouth to like throw you off. Yeah. Oh, and you were stuck in that position. You told the guy to check the rules, and he literally paused you like [expletive] like upside down or whatever. So I hope you have a better showing this time. Me too. Do you feel more confident or who?

0:15No, I feel more confident now because I went into that tournament not rolling for like a year and a half. Yeah, you were rusty. That's like uh what it was. But now I'm feeling good, you know. I'm pretty much crushing everybody in class. So I I I'm confident now, especially if I cut that weight a little bit, I'll be okay. All right, Nate. Well, gosh, we left off at a a pretty interesting place last episode. What a cliffhanger, as it were. Yes. Um, so yeah, cue the music I have not yet created for transitions. Do we even need transition music name? I still I'm thinking like jazz, but whatever. We can just maybe just have like the you know, like the old Batman sound effect. Maybe we just do one of those.

0:15I don't know, some quick and simple, or maybe Derude Sandstorm. The whole nine minute, eleven minute song before the episode starts.

From 10:00

10:33Last time on Daft Monks, it's coming together, this conspiracy, something something about Dante, beacon group, and a child, and an electrical engineer, and a uh synergy supervisor, whatever that is. There's a story to be told. I'm gonna figure it out.

10:52This is that guy, in my imagination, if this makes no sense, the guy who recaps the episodes going forward is the conspiracy theorist who got Dante's like work. Well, the only guy who actually listened to Dante's recording. He he thinks there's like something like big going on. And yeah, so he's just like, there's like a board with like our photos, like a question mark, like the word Dante, and like a bunch of like just different corpse and stuff. Yeah, pictures of the scene of the crash and everything, like who was involved, all the red strings coming off of it. So, spoiler, I haven't even come close to touching the second episode to edit, but I think we left off with me accidentally hitting the button to drain this giant kind of like tube.

10:52Cryo tank thing. Cryotank. That sounds way better than tube. And uh didn't it also like smash open or something? Did that happen too? Yeah, it just started to open up, I believe. Oh, okay. Great. And he the little boy kind of dumps out of it. Roy and Ash are staying there, and as they watch like just this little kid just leak out of a tank, we're like, ooh, that looks uncomfortable. What the [expletive] did you just do, man? What are we doing here? There's a little kid laying on the [expletive] floor. Why'd you push that button? I didn't push that button. I Oh, look at that. Security's here. Security shows up, obviously armed, heading straight for us. Uh, red lights are going off, flashing sirens.

12:10[expletive], [expletive], [expletive], [expletive], [expletive], [expletive]. Um, um, get down. Hide behind the [expletive] console uh right now.

12:16Try to take the kid. Well, no [expletive], man. They're gonna shoot him probably. There's a reason he's in a [expletive] tank. It's gonna shoot both of us if you don't get out of here. Okay, hey, hey, you got down here with some kind of like master key card thing, right? Can you just like, you know, like uh, you know, set up a barrier with your card key thing? Uh I don't have anything that advanced.

12:34This is kind of like our [expletive] that we take care of is kind of old technology. Oh [expletive], [expletive]. Um, uh, but really I I just used my lens that they give me with the little data port.

12:45Oh my god, you still have a lens? That [expletive]'s retro, but unsecured. Give me that [expletive]. Alright, I'll toss it to you. I drop it because I'm very uh coordinated and then I bring it back up. Like, it's good, it's good, and uh I'm like, alright, hmm. Uh fun fact, Ash, these things still have Ethernet ports attached to them. And I like immediately like unplugs a computer and like stretch an Ethernet cord into like your lens, Ash's lens. And I'm like, okay, probably uh somewhere in here, okay. Um [expletive], I don't I don't know. I'm not like a hacker, it's not really a thing hacking stuff, but got it.

13:19And I like open up like Beacon Group web browser, it's like Beacon Group web browser, be careful not to install anything unverified by IT.

13:28And Roy's like, oh, I got just the thing, and he like Googles a bunch of like weird [expletive] and you can't see, and he like looks at you really quick to make sure you can't see what's on his thing, and he just continues to Google like gay cruises or something. And then somehow he finally like goes back, he's like, Okay, so this one time I was on through the company internet and I accidentally clicked on a state farm ad and it totally crashed the entire system. Turned out it was riddled with pirates. So we're gonna do that again because I don't know what else we can do. Yeah, that's great, Roy. Just do something, man. Okay, great. And uh so he's like clicking through, clicking through, and he's like, perfect, there it is.

13:28And he sees this ad for free bobbleheads from State Farm. And he clicks it, and then like a pop-up comes on, and it's like enter internet why [expletive]. Then he like enters the info, and then like a bunch of pop-ups start showing up. Suddenly, uh, as those like security guards are coming, like a bunch of like the lights go off, and then you hear alarms go off, and then you start to remember how like the rooms like the the servers can like shift? Yes, they start like shifting like really erratically, and I'm like, all right, cool. I think uh I think that will buy us a little bit of time. They definitely fixed this the last time this happened, so we probably have about five minutes to get the [expletive] out of here.

13:28There's like whole servers like swinging and taking out a guard, like head in the background, like over the intercarm. What's that stupid commercial where it's like JJ Jake from State Farm?

14:46He looks hidden.

14:48It just keeps repeating that like one [expletive] [expletive] you, State Farm. Alright, I'm gonna grab the boy. Uh what how are we getting out of here though? Like, okay, we we made we made some commotion. Like, I saw that guy get hit with a [expletive] 1200-pound server. He's definitely [expletive] dead, Roy. But okay, how are we getting out of here? He's gonna be fine, and well, the only way I know out of here is that elevator on the other side of the swinging pendulum servers. So unless you can make this [expletive] circular tube tank uh pedestal like turn into an elevator, we're probably fine. I [expletive] hate elevators.

From 15:00

15:27But okay, let's do it. American Gladiator style. Have you seen that show? It's pretty retro. I [expletive] love it.

15:33But let's go.

15:33I throw the boy over my shoulder and just start running.

15:37Um yeah, you're a natural. As a blue-collar worker, Nate, you uh expertly navigate through the servers. I on the other hand are not so lucky, and immediately I'm like taken out by like a swinging server. But thankfully, I like it's kind of like in the cartoons where you like get hit and they're like attached to it, and then it's just like it's going towards the elevator. And I'm like, I'm fine, Ash, I'll be there in a minute. You pass me. This is a good point uh to mention that Roy has like phenomenal luck. Like, we built in that uh he's which is an incredibly lucky person.

15:37Um, we saw that with like when he was like driving and accidentally like caused like a major pile up, but like didn't even look up from his phone and then like turned out to be totally fine. That's just very much uh Roy's MO. Yep. I think for the the listeners at home that our characters do have certain abilities that they're good at, which we will progress as we go along the story. Just we know of them, we're not sharing them because we don't know, we're sharing them because we do know. But we want to maybe try them out. It makes it more fun. Okay, so you get hit with a server, you swing past us. I imagine in my head that you're still wearing the lens device, and that probably didn't help you run whatsoever.

15:37And the Ethernet cord was still plugged in. Yeah. Actually, I want to imagine that like as I'm swinging, the Ethernet cord is like dragging another server behind, which is hitting the other like security guards as they're spinning and moving belong.

17:07Like one guy barely missed a swinging server, and he's like, Man, I don't get paid enough for this [expletive], and then gets taken out in the face.

17:16Well, anyway, by the way, like you meet at the end, I like the server somehow like stops at the end by the elevator conveniently for Roy, and he gets out and he like unplugs the Ethernet cord, and I hand that lens back to you, and he's like, What do you think the purpose of swinging servers is anyway? Uh I could give you uh an honest answer, or you know, I could just make something up. What do you want? Let's get the [expletive] out of here. Let's go. Yeah, I hit the button for the elevator and like ding. Wait, do you have priority? What do you mean priority?

17:16Well, like, there's this thing, uh get in the elevator, we're in the elevator, and I'm like, look, man, if we don't have priority, this could take a while. The next level above is like like three levels above is the parking garage. So you go ahead and I hit that button, and it's like good enough. Well, son of a [expletive]. You must be a big wigger after here. Yeah, I'm uh kind of a big deal. How's the kid doing? Uh, still unconscious. Look at him, and I kind of flop him over like he's a ventriloquist dummy and start jiggling his cheeks. I'm like, he's he's out, man. I don't I'm pretty sure he's alive. All right, so we're gonna be on the parking garage.

17:16And the vehicle I actually arrived in this morning is probably still there because who drives vehicles these days anyway, right? I mean, what's next? Taking a bus? Yeah. Losers. Anyway, uh, the thing is, if you have a kid walking around with us, that's probably gonna be uh an issue. So I don't know, can you like put him on your shirt or something? You're wearing baggy labor clothes. I got a perfect idea, and I pull out a sharpie that's in my pocket and I draw a little mustache on him, and then I pull out a beanie that I had in my back pocket, and I put it on him.

18:49Like, there we go, just two blue collar workers and their synergy friend, huh? Perfect disguise. We're gonna weekend it burning you this [expletive].

18:59So ding, the elevator opens, and we're in the parking garage, and I'm like, okay, act natural but walk really fast, and we're like power walking over to that [expletive] vehicle. And let's say that uh the guy whose like car I hit is like, what the [expletive], man? Like screaming about, like, who did this? And it's like very obvious the car next to only other car and the entire garage is in there. And uh, we like get up to the vehicle and just kind of like slowly or try to like sneak into it from the other side. He's like, Was this you? Was this you guys? Oh man, that definitely wasn't us. I know a guy though that could probably get that. Oh, that's pretty bad. Yeah, he could probably get that out.

18:59He [expletive] later collided into my car. There is no like, why did he even park next to me? There is an empty spot. Every spot is empty except the one that was next to me. Well, he he the that guy gave us the keys to move the car. He said there was issues. We're we're gonna take care of it. Don't worry. Just us workers. Yeah, alright, great. That would be wonderful. Awesome. I'll just wait here. [expletive] take what am I gonna take? A bus again with the bus, okay.

From 20:00

20:09Yeah, thank you.

20:10Thank you, sir. You have a you have a great day. Try to have a better day, okay? You like lift up the kid's hand and like weigh it. Put like a cigarette in his hand, like, Ash, you're really good at like taking [expletive] from somebody else and just dealing with it. I've been doing it my whole life, Roy. Crazy. I would never let somebody talk to me that way. I mean, I just stood there and pretended I wasn't there, but if he was actually talking to me, I would stand up for myself, Ash. Yeah, considering you're the one that hit the car, I'm sure. That's great that you just stood there doing nothing. I really, really appreciate it.

20:10Open up the trunk, let's throw the boy in there, and let's get the [expletive] out of here. Great, how do I do that? And I'm just like slapping the [expletive] like magnetic pad with my ID, and it's like just doing different things. Oh [expletive]. It's like rolling the windows down and [expletive]. Like, I'm just like slapping them like uh any chance you know how to drive earthbound? Yeah, I actually do. The my work truck is earthbound, so I'm pretty confident. Wow! You are full of surprises, Ash. Yeah, it's just normal everyday life for me. I'm glad that you know you can see some joy in it. I didn't even like finish listening to you, I just opened the door and like switched spots with you and you got in. I popped the trunk.

20:10Tell the kid to buckle up as you throw him into the trunk. There's like some [expletive] back there from when he was in there earlier, like, uh man. I accidentally threw his head like on a [expletive] monkey wrench that's back there for no [expletive] reason. Like, uh, this poor kid, and then I close the lid on it. Alright, here we go. And I start up the car. Uh, do you have a place that you want to go? What like we need to get the [expletive] out of here now? And then, like, just then the alarms start going off into the parking garage. [expletive], they fixed the state farm virus. You start hearing, like, it's like a good neighbor state farmers. [expletive], we need to go. Act natural.

20:10Uh, and as you like pull up to like the parking garage gate, there's that guy, and like I like wave and you wave, and uh, he's Like, wasn't there just one of you guys when you got here? Yeah, I was stuck in the elevator for two days. He just came to get me. Been there. Good story, man. Yeah, not priority, am I right? Yeah. That's why I stay out here in the uh whatever the [expletive] you call this thing. It looks like a cubicle, but uh at least you got AC and a little TV in there. That's more than I got. That's true, man. Blue archer, am I right? I'm like, wow, you just really relate to the common people, Ash. Thanks. That really sounds kind of condescending the way that you say it.

20:10No, it's not. It's not. The empires are built on your backs. Thanks. Yeah, I feel it in my [expletive] back. Notice how my wallet's in my front [expletive] pocket? Yeah. I feel it in my back. Thanks for that. So anyway, we can't go back to where I live. In fact, I live at the Beacon Group dorms, and I could probably never go back there ever again. So, any ideas where we can go? Look, I it might be a little risky, I don't know, but we can just go to my apartment. It's not secure whatsoever, but it's kind of off the grid a little bit. If there's something you need to know about blue-collar workers, is that we're not chipped like the rest of you corporation followers are, if that makes sense.

20:10Oh my god, I'm so sorry. No, it's it's fine. Like, yes, I can't look at my vitals on an app or order a prescription and it arrived via pigeon drone. It's fine. I I get it. I have to stand in line like everybody else. Well, not you guys, but you know what I'm saying. I don't, but yeah, that sounds great. Let's just go, let's just [expletive] go. Alright, you're killing me. We show up and there we like it's wide open road, and then as soon as we turn the corner that kind of leads down to like the living quarters, it is just cars on both sides of the road all the way [expletive] down. He's like, Alright, I just have to find us a spot. It shouldn't be too bad. Wait, I have an idea.

20:10Stop the car. Okay, stopped. We like stop and uh we he gets out, he's like, open the trunk, popped open. What now, Roy? I grab the kid, and then you're like standing outside. I'm like, hey Ash, uh, as a you know, as a blue collar worker, you probably have a lighter or something or a flamer or whatever they're calling it these days. Do you uh mind giving that to me? Yeah, here you go. I immediately like light it and throw it into the trunk, like thinking like the movies that it's gonna like blow up and just like literally like nothing happens. What what was the the point of that, Roy? Well, we can't we can't like have this car is probably being tracked.

20:10Like, you are not shipped, but this car is for sure chipped by the company. Um, we definitely have to destroy it. And I kind of just thought, like, you know, the movies where you're like bang and then you know, just light on fire or something. Like, yeah. Okay, well, let me show you how to do that properly. And then I find some cloth in the backseat and I rip it and then [expletive] dump tip it in the [expletive] gas cap and then start lighting it on fire. And I'm like, now you see, Roy, I don't know why I know how to do this, but this is gonna blow up any second now, so we should hurry the [expletive] up. Just power walk over to your apartment.

20:10Yeah, we power walk away and then we hear the car explode. I'm like, wow, that actually worked. I'm a little surprised. Instantly, uh 20 homeless people pour out like cockroaches, and they start stripping the car of parts of whatever's left that's good. Amazing. I want to like take a break for a second, cut over. So back at Beacon Group, there's like some big wigs in a room, and then like some guy in like a suit and tie, no like name as of yet, and he's just being reamed out, and he's like, You said you would fix this. You said it wouldn't be a problem. You said that Roy kid would deliver the child to us. What the [expletive] happened?

From 25:00

26:03Listen, man, I did everything I could to try to get the package delivered. I don't know what you want from me, but I am doing the best that I can right now, okay? It is a [expletive] show out there. You know how many emails I had to respond to already?

26:1972. That's great. Well, the contract isn't fulfilled until the boy is delivered. So as far as we're concerned, your work here is not done. I think that's [expletive]. I did my part. I did it.

26:30The the boy was delivered. He was down there. Then where is he? I don't [expletive] know we didn't have time to chip him yet, and I feel like that's on you guys.

26:40So that like big boss guy looks over and he's like, Jerome, do you think that's on us? And this like big jacked [expletive] guy with some like cyber enhancements, so he's like modifications and stuff. He has like the old like [expletive] like switch knife, whatever, he's just like throwing back and forth. He's like, I uh I don't think that's our problem, boss. I I think that's this guy's problem. And he's like, Yeah, I think it is. What do you think?

27:04He looks him up and down, he's like, Alright, yeah, yeah, maybe maybe it is my problem and maybe I'll handle it, but I think we need to renegotiate the contract because this is not what I signed up for, and I think it's only fair that I get reimbursed to re-track down the child. How about that?

27:23I'll tell you what. You have 72 hours to bring the child back to us, and that's being generous. And if you don't, I'm going to renegotiate your organs. Alright, I I think I think that's fair. Like, as I'm stumbling around, like I'm dialing on my holo watch right now, like a number. Cheryl. Cheryl, get me the guy that hired this [expletive] loser that was supposed to deliver the package. I need to talk to him now. It cuts back to like the birthday party, and they're like, Happy birthday!

27:56Yeah, then the endercon is like, Greg, please see the HR manager at your earliest convenience. Thank you. Oh, sorry guys. Looks like it's gonna be another promotion for the Gregster. Oh, too bad I couldn't eat more of this cake. I already had three slices. Greg, Greg, Greg. Oh, calm down, everybody. I'll be back, I promise.

28:17Alright, let's come back over to uh Roy is now in Ash's uh apartment, and I will let you describe your apartment, but I imagine so you know, Nate, how like older hotels or maybe hotels still have it. There's this concept of adjoined rooms or adjoining rooms. Yes. So it's like when say you like travel with family, you'd get these two rooms next to each other with a door in between the room, like not on the outside, but in between. Yes, yeah. But sometimes when you are at a hotel, you might just get that room by yourself and you just have to like deadbolt it so the other side can't come through. I imagine you're renting one of two rooms that are joined.

28:17So you have a neighbor who constantly like is like knocking on that door, like trying to talk to you. And then uh when when we walk in, we can actually hear through that paper thin door. Oh, sorry about that, man. Jar plays Darud Sandstorm at approximately this time until about one in the morning, and then he's on a bender, and then he'll start trying to talk to me. So, oh, is he your house cleaner? No, he's my neighbor. That's actually another apartment on the other side of that door. Your neighbor lives in your house? No, no, no, no. This this see the what we're in now, and then as we're looking around, it's just a very small, almost studio apartment.

28:17There might be like one little banister in the middle of the room to kind of break it apart, make it look nice, but the kitchen just flows into the living room area, and then like you can see like where I sleep on a couch. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is this is it, man. But but look at the view, and then he opens up, he pushes a button on the side, and the blinds open up, and you can just see a building next door. Like New York City, like it's just yeah, just smog in like a flying car, and then like some hot chick in the flying car throws up and it splashes on my window, and I'm like, oh man, hold on, hold on, hold on, Roy.

28:17And I push the auto clean button, and that's [expletive] broken. There's a button for that, and it's broken? Look, man, this is all I got. Like, I uh it's really nice. Like, I got I saved up a lot of money to get the down payment for this apartment, okay? I had to wait for an old lady to die. Roy comes up and like shushes you and like hushes you in a really weird, almost like erotic way, but it's not meant to be that way at all. And he pats you on the back and he's like, I value you and your community and your home, and I'm grateful to be a part of it. Now, how the [expletive] do we get out of here? Alright, sorry. Are you are you thirsty?

28:17Because you look really sweaty and gross. Yes, I'm parched, actually. That would be wonderful. What do you got? I like a seltzer. Do you have like a hydro refreshment or an aqua nutritional aid? There's tap water and big bull energy drink. Big bull energy drink. Yeah, that's that's all I kind of live off of. I like open your mini fridge. It's a mini fridge, it's not a full fridge. Yes, yeah. Like I take it the big bull energy drink is the giant uh minotaur with a huge nuts uh appetized on the can. Correct. It gives you energy to get through the day. It's actually really delicious. And also in the like little square section in the top left corner, there's the freezer section of the mini fridge.

28:17And it's just a single pack of like bagel bites.

From 30:00

31:39[expletive] bagel bites.

31:41He like opens into that and he just like pinches his like nose a little bit and just like kind of like takes a swig and uh he's like, Alright, it's uh fine, yeah, just wait for it. It'll it'll kick in in about 10 seconds, and then like your ball with balls start feeling very large. I start like itching, like I feel very like jittery, and I'm like, is this is this good? Oh, it's great, it's great. Yeah, you can get so much done now. You hear knock knock knock on the door. Oh [expletive], who is it? Hey, uh Ash? Yeah, Jair. Yeah, hey, can you open up for a second? Uh got a question for you. No, Jair. I can't. I'm busy right now. I got company. Okay, that's fine. I'll talk through the door.

31:41Um, hey, I was just wondering, my internet usage has been through the room, it just keeps going up every month. Um, I looked at the history. Uh, it's a lot of online orders of Big Bull Energy. Um, do you know, you know, like how that would be in my history? I got no clue, Jair. Everyone knows that I'm an ass man and I can't drink big bull. I break out in hives. So that's true. I'm gonna go back to us in a sandstorm. Thanks.

32:51All right, bye, Jair. Do you have a good night?

32:56It's like, ah, so he just he just does that like a lot? Yeah, he does that a lot. Um, his Wi-Fi password was actually really easy, so I am stealing his Wi-Fi. It was just one, two, three, four, Jair. And I know, I know. Not a hack. What a square. I know. Like, I'm like sipping your like energy drink. My legs are crossed. Like Yeah, I don't I don't get a lot of company. I'm I'm sorry, I don't. I there's like dirty clothes on the floor and [expletive]. Like, sorry, let me just pick some of this up. It's fine, it's fine. So, alright, let's let's take a step back. Why did we kidnap this child? Because he fell out of the tube and I panicked.

32:56But you opened the tube, so I think you need to figure out. Okay, we don't need to place blame. Like, at this point, we're both probably enemies of the state. Or at least Beacon Group, which let's face it, is the state. Yes. I mean, we have the mayor in our pocket. We're hosting the Paradise games. It's sorry, I need to stop saying we. I uh probably not part of the team anymore. Oh, sorry, Roy. It looks like, you know, you're just gonna have to be a common man for at least a little bit until we get this straightened up. I'm sure. I guess I'm sorry, I didn't mean to to shock you.

32:56I'm sure we can, you know, maybe explain ourselves to the beacon group and say it was all just a big misunderstanding, and go about our day. And I can go back to my life, you can go back to your life, and we can never talk to each other ever again. Ash, as much as I would love for that to happen. You're not even looking at me right now, you're looking at like a mirror the one mirror that I have, you're looking at your reflection. I know you think I'm naive and a corporate lapdog, but I'm not stupid. There's no going back. We are enemies, and we'll need to stay in hiding for possibly the rest of our lives. Or we return the child and almost surely get executed.

32:56I value my life and what I can do with my life to make it a better place, and even though I'm not beacon group anymore, I still believe in their mantra to be bold, to be better, to be a common blue-collar worker for the time being until we get find a way out of the city. I'm just sipping a big bowl. Alright. This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. And I uh I like take off my holo watch and I like lay it out on the counter. I'm like, Goodbye, little buddy.

32:56And I like lift off like you I'm just gonna say you have like hardware around or uh just like pick up a hammer and I like immediately go to like slam on it, but I miss the huge like another dent in your [expletive] counter. It's like cheap, uh, that cheap wood that you find and it just punches a hole right through it. I'm like, oh that's fine, Roy. Do you you can put it on the floor? The floor is at least made of concrete. That that would be a lot better. Sorry, I'm just confused by the mystery uh materials used in your building. Like, yeah, is this tile okay? I wouldn't really call it tile, it's more like particle board. And I got it wet that one time, so it's not it's not the strong.

32:56Just put it on the concrete floor. Oh, I just I don't want to do this. It's like destroying a part of me, you know, like a like a horcrox from Harry Potter or whatever, you know. Just throw down the garbage disposal, that's fine too. I use that thing for everything. Oh, oh, that's good. Then they'll chase that person and maybe even execute that. No, that's bad. That's bad. I don't know what kind of garbage disposal you have, but let me let me just show you. And I like take the watch from you, and I'm like, are you are you sure you want me to destroy it? I'm like, yes, but I'm not letting go of it. Like, well then [expletive] give it to me, man. I've always wanted to six times my salary.

32:56And then uh like a thing comes up and it's like, alert, alert.

From 35:00

36:41Beacon Group has identified two enemies of the state.

36:43Nope, that's it. I grab it from you, I throw it in the garbage disposal, and I flick the switch. If you hear normal blades, but then all of a sudden you see fire shooting up from it. And then like two little extinguishers swing from the side and then put the fire out. I'm like, oh yeah. This is how we take care of all our trash in the apartment. Whatever can fit in the disposal goes in the disposal. How does this building full of recycled materials not just combust when you use that? It's a marvel of science, really. I thank the the beacon group, really, it's the only thing I thank them for is giving me this pleasant place to live in. You hear like knock knock knock again. Hey, uh, hey Ash. Yeah, Jer.

36:43Sorry to bother you, my guy. Uh hey, I was just curious. Um, there's this giant cable coming from your side of the apartment into mine, and it's just plugged into my uh like electrical uh outlet box thing.

37:41Yeah, Jar, maintenance did that uh about a week ago.

37:43Something about a short in the wire, but don't worry, on my side over here there's a meter, so we're we're splitting it, you know. Like I'm getting metered on my side, you're getting metered on your side. I wouldn't worry about it too much, Jarr. Maintenance took care of it. Okay, it's just, you know, my electric bill tripled last month. Um, yeah, Jair, rates went up. My lights keep flicker.

38:06Rates went up, Jar. Nothing I can do about that, man. You should see my bill. It's probably bigger than yours. I'd show it to you, but then I'd have to come over there and it's a whole thing, and like I said, I got company.

38:16And I'm sorry, Jar, man. Like it's really it's the it's the times, you know, it's the times. All right, man. Uh yeah, maybe later we can look at the bill. That'd be cool. Um that okay, cool. That sounds like a date, Jarr. Uh, maybe like turn down Sandstorm a little bit. All right, maybe that'll save on some power. It just goes back to my yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's like louder. It's like weird because that guy like clearly has no confidence, but he's also passive aggressive. It's just weird. Yeah. That's a weird. He's like, that's really weird neighborhood. But also, are you stealing his utilities? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I broke in when he was gone one night. It was really easy to pick the lock.

38:16I'm I'm really good with things like that for some reason. I got about six extension cords running from his apartment to over here, but he just now found the one. So I think we're doing pretty good. And his apartment looks a lot weirder than mine. He just has a bunch of DJ stuff set up and then a cannabis plant in the corner of the room, and then a love sack. So I'm doing a whole lot better than that [expletive] guy. Well, thank God we're staying in this apartment versus that one. I know, right? Look at this central air. It's got like two extension cords going underneath the door. What are we gonna do with the boy, Roy? I just don't alright, let's put our heads together. Why does Beacon Group want a child?

38:16I don't know. Because he's handsome. Okay, uh wow. I would not call children handsome. Um that's weird. He's got a little mustache. Oh wait, I drew that on there. Like wipe it out. Oh yeah, you're right. He's hideous. Okay, no, you gotta think, you have to think like the corpse do, okay? Ash. So maybe he is uh in gonna inherit one of the companies. Maybe he is the heir T T P King Group corporation, even though they elect from their board annually. I don't know. Ash, I don't know. I is this worth it? Is this kid really worth this? And I look around your apartment. I look around too and I'm like, yes, yes, he is. I think we're gonna have to make a lot of changes here if we're both gonna be staying here.

38:16Wait, you're gonna how long are you gonna be staying here? Because I'm kind of a bachelor. I figured you and the kid could lay low and then eventually you'd leave and I would still be here, you know, in in my apartment. It's my my safe space away from everybody. Alright, listen, if you don't tell, if you don't let us stay here, I'm gonna tell Jared that you're stealing virtually everything.

From 40:00

40:40Alright, let me get you a bed made. It turns out the couch actually unfolds into a bed that I never use.

40:47It cuts over. We'll end with that. However, it cuts over to Greg in like a dark room with like a light bulb swinging, and then there's that lawyer guy and Jerome in the background, and you only see Jerome when like the light passes by. Like sometimes he has a shirt on and then like it swings away and swings back, and all of a sudden his shirt's off and he's just like rippling, and then it swings away and comes back and he's just normal again. Like, what the [expletive]'s going on here? And the only thing, other thing you can see is like he has like some like like a one of his eyes, like Kato, has like an enhancement on it. So it kind of like stays a bit up a little bit in the dark.

40:47So it's like it's pretty ominous. Alright, man. What happened to the guy that was supposed to bring back the child? Uh is this not a promotion? Because I I could swear that I was gonna get a promotion. I'm Greg. Yeah, Jerome, is it a promotion? Jerome also doesn't answer the lawyer, like he doesn't yet have like jurisdiction over Jerome, so Jerome just continues to stare, and the lawyer's just like, no, [expletive], it's not a promotion. In fact, you and I's ass are on the line. We're not gonna have a job, a place to stay, or a beating heart if we don't figure out where the [expletive] what was that guy's name? Roy and the child went. Oh [expletive]. Roy. Yes. Okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. It it was Roy number 007512 or whatever.

40:47Yeah, yeah, that's that's wonderful. Um, so weird thing, Greg, when I enter that number into the system, nothing comes up. Which is weird because he's an employee of the Peak Group, so you would think every employee has a detailed archive and user profile in our system, but there's none nothing there for Roy. Could you explain that, maybe? Yeah, um uh about that.

42:34Um I went ahead and did my job, which is what I do here, and realized that he was terminated, so I went ahead and went in and deleted all of his personal files and affixes and, you know, pretty much wiped him completely away from the company because who needs to deal with Roy, am I right?

42:52That guy's a real piece of [expletive]. Yeah, you see, Greg, the problem is we can't track him now because you deleted his history. So we don't know anything about him, where he would go, who his contacts are, because you deleted him. I uh um Why did you delete his stuff? Are you with them? Cause Jerome right here, he's got a lot to say to anybody who aided Roy and whoever that blue-collar worker was that escaped with the child. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get me twisted with with those guys. I uh Why did you delete the file, Greg? Is this off the record? Let me look. Is this off the record?

43:30Alright. Yeah, it's off the record. Okay. Roy has been doing my work for the past seven years at this company. Honestly, it's been pretty nice because I am top dog around here. And uh, you know, the Gregster doesn't really sit in cubicles.

43:47I got a new office lined up. And I just can't be bothered with sitting in my computer doing mundane work all day when I got parties to go to, chicks to hit on. You look over, and the lawyer just has like his hand in his, like his head in his, he's holding his head in his hands, like super stressed, and he's like, deleted our best employee's profile because you stole his employee of the month award for multiple months, and now he's on the loose with the child he was supposed to deliver to Beacon Crew. Do I got that right, Greg? Aha, yes.

44:24The Gregster says that you are absolutely correct. But bonus, this gave me a lot of free time. Cheryl gave me a handy J.

44:34Okay, well, this has been great, Greg. Unless you have anything helpful to give us, I'm gonna leave you here to Jerome and we're gonna call it. Uh, I'll I'll investigate myself. Jerome, uh, take care of him.

44:43Uh-huh. Jerome, no, man. Uh listen, it's the Greekster. Uh, you don't you don't no, no, hello, everybody, and welcome.

From 45:00

45:06Be prepared. The paradigm games are coming to us soon. Only one month from now. Watch your favorite corporations send their very best competitors into the arena to battle to the death. Or, of course, your feeling pleasure and corporate game. This year we are brought to you by the Beacon Group. Feeling lost, feeling lovely, then please talk to the Beacon Group. They will help you sort your miserable, miserable life out. And thank you. And stay tuned for the paradigm game.

45:42Nate, good luck at your jujitsu tournament. Woo-woo. And uh, Nate, I'm working on purchasing a new home. Uh still a few months out where we're building um and still kind of doing the underwriting part with the mortgage, but hoping to uh yeah, have a nice bigger home with uh you would never guess, but a dedicated studio is my goal in the new house. So looking forward to that. That should really help a lot of this go a lot faster and smoother. Hell yeah. Uh it'd be my dream to have my own private room with a pull-out bed couch and a little mini fridge filled with Red Bull. Well, right now, maybe just a closet or another space that's not your living room. Set the, you know, maybe walk crawl before you walk. Yep, that's true.

45:42That's true. Small dreams first, big dreams come later. That's depressing. And on that note, thanks for listening to Daft Monks. Don't forget we have a subscription. If you like us enough to give us money, it's only three dollars. If you're an Apple Podcast, just hit the episode link in uh whatever podcast app you use. Or just feel free if you're new to the show, give us a uh follow, like, subscription, whatever the [expletive] it's called, um, and get updated. Yes, and leave a comment, leave a review, and do not forget that we still hate the two star review guy, and I will never let that die. [expletive] that guy. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening and good night.